Changes?

I awoke Saturday after a restless nights sleep, the thickness between my legs did not enable me to "sleep like a baby". After taking care of the animals she told me to get in the shower, yet made me take off the diaper in front of her and put my cage on before washing. Very embarrassing, even though she's changed me many times, something about being seen in a soiled diaper makes me very embarrassed.  I know she enjoys this, her verbal remarks make it clear, yet thankfully we had a very busy day Saturday and no time to think about anything FLR. After a day of home remodeling we needed to make another trip to Lowes, which meant me going out in a diaper again, which led to me sleeping in a messy diaper...again. (It's getting old) Sunday was more of the same, a lot of renovations  and a day working in my chastity device. Early in the afternoon she decided she wanted me in a diaper the rest of the day, which I was ok with since it meant the device came off. And when bed time rolled around she even changed me into a dry one for being good all weekend.
As we began to dose off she kept saying "serious" changes are coming, and how "things are changing" in this home. She explained how much happier she was when I didn't question her at all, when I would do as I'm told, when I'm told. How much happier she was when she never had to clean a thing or do any laundry. "Soon, your not going to have an opinion in this home unless I ask for yours. I know you think this is just going to end again but your wrong this time. It's here to stay". To be honest though, I don't know what to think, do I really want to live a life diapered and not sleeping with my wife?

Diapers in public and my first day back in chastity

Today was my first day back in chastity, I suppose it's going to take some getting used to, but I will be honest; it felt "right" being locked back up. When she got home, she immediately insisted I go ahead and be put in my diaper. She knew we had a lot of errands to run and I wasn't too excited about going out in a diaper. Well I was wet before we left, yet my knee length coat made it impossible to tell. I was caught off guard when I realized I was walking through Walmart peeing without even thinking about it. I suppose I get used to it, by the time we got home I was soaked and she made it clear I wasn't getting changed until morning. You see I hate feeling wet, which is why we buy high end diapers. I begged her to please tape another one on top of this one, so it would wick moisture, she agreed mentioning how cute the waddling is. After tapping the second one on she pulled out the thick pink locking plastic panties, after removing the chain she slid them on "well I was going to rape your hole tonight, but it's diapers for you, which makes you happy doesn't it? You love your diapers". A slight blush and I waddled off, shortly after my stomach hit me and did the expected. "Looks like sissy is sleeping in a poopy diaper!" She proclaimed. And now I'm laying down in bed, coping with my situation, at least I know I'm getting changed first thing in the morning. I just hope she doesn't put her cold feet on me tonight! I hate it so much, makes me want her to make me sleep in a crib, that's how much it irks me! Goodnight everyone, I will say despite being in a full thick diaper....I'm quite comfy, thank goodness she didn't plug me!

Deb

I forgot how much I hated wearing my cage...

Well, again I do apologize for my lack of posting and turning my blog off, very childish of me. But I am back now, hopefully for a good while. We are currently VERY busy with some home renovations, and I'm trying very hard to keep her on task with them (ORGANIZE EVERYTHING!).  I've found if everything has an uncluttered place; life is happier. Any ways my prior blog post I wrote about a week ago and forgot to publish, two nights ago she slowly started to bring back the FLR lifestyle by making me sleep in a very full, disgusting diaper due to her anger, and disappointment from earlier in the day. I made a big mistake, she found a shirt I had been "jacking off" in, I could tell she was actually hurt "you know it really hurts me when I find these, I think you have a problem, your obsessed with getting off" she said. In my mind I'm thinking "Aren't all guys obsessed with that?  I don't try to hurt her, I guess I just automatically do it, long story--- she hates it. Laying down she said "you get to decide if you want to have sex with me one last time for awhile before I put your diaper on you, and no your not touching that toilet." Of course I said lets have sex, but it was responded with  "I've changed my mind, lift your ass up, diapers going on". With a pair of pink "panties" as she calls them, the inevitable happened right before I laid down to sleep.  "You really do like wearing your diapers don't you? God your such a freak" she said which was met with my assuring replies stating that wasn't the case. The only time I like them is in the morning; when I really have to go, I can just go".  She went on to explain that in time she had made a decision to pick up with the feminization and continue to make me the house maid, "I keep thinking I'm too busy to do all of this too you right now, but since your going to be the bitch and doing ALL of the housework, I think that will free me up a lot. And by the way, nothings changing after we get married." She seems like she is serious, but as you know actions speak much louder than words. This morning I awoke with another very soggy diaper, which was leaking when I stood up. I don't want to tell her this because it means stuffers, or wearing two at once...and I do NOT want the padding in my pants to get worse. Though when ever she puts me in two she laughs and smiles much more at the size, secretly I think it's obvious she is the one who likes making me wear diapers. Anyways after waking I went to the bathroom and began un taping when I heard "don't get in the shower, come put your cage on, now". I didn't argue or say much of anything, she was laying on the chastity device in an attempt to warm it up. When the lock clicked shut I didn't think much of it, yet now, it being 2:30pm the device is reminding me of it's announce and I'm pretty horny.  We have a lot of house plans in the works this weekend, I have a feeling if she does anything I'll be wearing diapers out to dinner and a movie tomorrow night...as long as I'm not plugged as well it should be ok. 

Deb

My Current Thoughts

It's been a good while since I've gotten on my blog since I shut it down around a month ago. I truly am sorry to those of you who enjoyed reading my post, shutting it down was selfish, childish, and an impulse which stemmed from a conversation with my fiancé which put yet another halt on our FLR lifestyle.  Around six weeks ago I could tell she was fading, work has persisted to stress her out, the holidays made it worse, and trying to plan our wedding all the while maintaining her sanity left no room for her to deal with trying to "own" someone. This came spilling out when I decided one evening too tell her about some thoughts I had been having; in sum I told her I felt like this was the proper place for me, it felt right being her slave, growing dependent on diapers, not being allowed to get off...ever if it pleased her, and that I would be ok with her cuckolding me down the road. This open from the heart at the time confession was met me a road block. She explained she didn't have time, that it wasn't worth the work and how it was really hard for her to have to constantly think about things to "do to me" and that she just wasn't feeling it. I really could not argue with her over this, I truly didn't have a say, so I said "alright...its over". She went on for an hour saying "I know your mad", "I'm Sorry!",  "Your going to leave me for some women in leather who beats you and keeps you locked up", and so on. That night; I was a little sad, and that sadness was something I could not understand.
Why do I have a reason to be sad I thought? Full freedom, I can get off when I want to, I can do what I want, when I want, no humiliation, no sore bottom, no long hours in bondage...am I insane for being sad?! I decided to just let it go, there was really nothing I could do anyways; I truly could not blame her for her reasons; she's beyond busy, and maybe then it just wasn't good time "Life happens". I tried to just push everything out of my head, I told her I was going to attempt to sell some of our things; cases of diapers, my Mature metal jail bird, etc. She quickly told me not to sell any of it, so I let that go as well.  I did cancel the straight jacket which I had ordered for her, she always talked about wanting one and I decided it would be one of her christmas presents. Anyways as I was saying over the past month she has made little comments here and there "after the honeymoon no more freedom" "when I start again you have no idea what your in for" "I'm going to lock you back up in the morning" "Im going to lock your ass in the closet with a dildo in your ass and one in your mouth" and so on. Maybe once the wedding stuff calms down she will want to get back into it, I oddly say "I hope so" and I'm still trying to grasp why.
Everyday I find myself thinking about various aspects of this lifestyle, how I miss them, how it felt right, how I feel like we connected on a much deeper level, how happy she seemed and a look in her eye and rays of confidence which I've never seen her have. I suppose in my mind if I was a women, had the chance to reverse roles with my husband, use him to perform all domestic duties and then some, have him at my whims to do anything I pleased, not hear a complaint and in time start sleeping with other guys freely I'd be jumping for that chance! I suppose that's what confuses me, but I assume I'll know in time.  I have these "visions" of how I hope our relationship evolves, and find myself thinking about them through out the day. Why do these thoughts keep surfacing? Why do I want my wife to degrade me to a point where I'm her full time sissy slave? That's not normal! It's a lot of emotions, and I'm still struggling trying to understand them. Yet I guess some things can't be explained.