Thankful for diaper changes!

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for an unexpected diaper change before bed :) will update on the morrow.

A Slave in the making

I don't have to dress up like this! Yay!

Let me apologize, I can assure you this will not be the time between post! November has been a very different month since I was gone two weeks ago on vacation (as I hinted at in my last post). Well last week I was traveling across the country for work and arrived home this past Friday. My Fiancee...Mistress???? (she's not to the point of making me call her anything, I'm sure that will come later) was waiting for me at the terminal when I landed home. It was so nice to see her, I missed her dearly and she missed me. With the flying I was not in chastity during my trip, and despite her attempts I did not pack any diapers...freedom!!!!!! well, too much honestly. I did jack off a few times while I was bored in the hotel, and I truly did feel bad, bad enough I was honest with her when I got home and she asked me about it. Of course she was not happy, but I mean...isnt the point of a chastity device to prevent that...my mind isn't a chastity device!!! My mind is the mind of guy, not an obedient submissive....even during my last stint in chastity when she was very consistent, the only time I came into a truly submissive place was when I was dressed up, locked up, and in a humiliating position. The diapers I'm getting used to, I know they aren't going away...ever during this process, so if she sees me diapered its the new normal, the maid stuff was never normal. I'm sure I'll get more submissive as I get hornier and she gets more back into the swing of things, which she slowly is.

Two days before I was due to leave she wanted me diapered early in the evening, she placed me in two Abri-forms and put my "panties" on over them.  It seemed I wet them immediately and messed them within the hour, by the time bed time came around I was waddling around the house and they began to swell a fair amount. I pouted going to bed, I hate sleeping in a messy diaper...it always seems she's happier when she knows I'm sitting in filth. I wet through out the night, more than likely without knowing and when I awoke the next day it was beyond full and swelled to it's fullest size. "Please can you change me" I asked in calm voice, "No...your going to leave them on for awhile, it will help you get used to them...go make some breakfast for us and we can discuss your dirty diaper after the house is clean". FINALLY a little before lunch I got a very embarrassing diaper change, it always is when I mess.

Back to arriving home from my work trip, she put me in chastity as soon as I got home and spanked me when I told her I had jacked off. It wasn't a bad spanking, it didn't hurt, she was using her hand so I presume it hurt her worse than me. She changed the lock on my Mature Metal Jail bird to a hardened master lock which I tried cutting in the past with bolt cutters and failed, I've also ordered a longer spiked pin for my chastity device with will make getting off impossible without cutting myself (so I won't be getting off). I also just ordered her a pair of locking plastic panties... we need another pair and she needs the option of forcing me to stay in them, I suppose I'll call it an early stocking stuffer :)

Later Friday Evening she diapered me and spanked me again for jacking off, again it didn't hurt...I suppose she forgot where her wooden spoon is haha. For some reason my stomach was giving me major problems and I could not stop going! It was terrible, she looked on with a evil grin "Your getting used to them pretty fast this time...it won't take long at all..." and she left it with that. There is a strange sense of comfort in them next to her, maybe I feel vulnerable, or ashamed, I'm not sure but I slept like a baby (no pun intended). The next morning I was a mess and I whined about wearing them, of course they stayed on until the house was clean and finally came off early afternoon on Saturday. We had a busy day of running errands and dinner with my family Saturday night, nothing out of the ordinary when we got home, my cage came off and she diapered me. Then I said something that pissed her off and the next thing I knew she had me in the closet sitting on the floor. She chained and locked each of my arm to respective side of the closet, opening the door again she placed the large ball gag in my mouth and blind folded me. "Do NOT talk back to me anymore, stay in here for a few hours and think about it"....sigh the time went by rather fast and I was let out. My diaper was wet at that point and we sat on the bed and I asked her if she would explain this new "go with chastity to me". So she did and what came out of the conversation was what follows:

Her wedding present...

"Your not having sex with me until the wedding, and maybe the honeymoon...I'll be fucking you on those nights as well. You need to enjoy those times because after that no more sex for you, unless your taking my strap on up your ass. Right now I'm slowly getting back into this, the wedding is causing me to be very busy. After christmas your going to start living a much more slave appropriate lifestyle, in regards to your privileges, what you can and can't do, where you can and can't sit...where you crawl, and some training to get your positions back. The diapers are here to stay, after christmas you go in them 24/7, and I mean that, even to work, no more toilet. In time your going to develop incontinence, don't worry that's part of my plan. I want you sleeping in a cage before new years eve...because on new years eve your going to be sitting in a nice full diaper in your cage while I go out and party. Your going to be sleeping in a cage every night, it will be in the closet more than likely, maybe next to me if your good. Im not going to feminize you fully, I don't want to...but I could change my mind, I will turn you into a girl if your bad. And if you really piss me off I will dress you up and take you to the mall...don't test me...you know Marla works there (her best friend) and she knows all about your little dick cage. So. Behave. After the new year your going to be in full time slave mode, where you'll stay. Right now I can't see you getting off for pleasure, you blew that. So I'm going to milk you every two weeks, I'll also be fucking you a lot more soon; a few times a week. Down the road I may cuckold you, that's at least a year or two away."

Though I think she's bluffing on cuckolding I know she's serious on the rest, and I'm ok with it. I know in a year from now she will have me back to being a sissy. She still calls me debbie, makes me wear panties (even though I'm still getting away with boxers) and so on, so we will see. I think if we get to the point where we are both happy with where we are at with this process and she cuckolds me, she will have me molded into a full blown sissy maid. Right now I think her goal is to mold me into her submissive...we will she how it goes.

Feedback is welcome!

Goodnight!

Deb

Horny, Cages, and whats to come.

Well I got back in town from vacation today, it was nice to be able to spend some time with my fiancé since she's been so busy with work and wedding planning. I was anxious to get my chastity cage off, sleeping in it last night proved difficult, I'm almost ready to go ahead and get the arch, I know I will be much more comfortable once I get used to it. Well there was no talk of anything else this evening, so even though she said it's "started" to me it still feels like it hasn't. I know before too long I'll be wishing it hadn't started, but I doubt I will let those thoughts service this time; and rather embrace it as my new life, from here on out. When I think about what that entails it's hard to believe, right now anyway, that's the course I'm on. Am laying in "her" bed right now as she's started to call it, instead of a "cage". For some reason I've thought a lot about that lately, the cage which will stay in the master bedroom. I honestly think it will help me grasp this more quickly, maybe because it's submissive to sleep in a cage every night, not being able to sleep with her anymore, or very often. Or maybe it's because I know it's going to give her a huge amount of control during the night; normally the only time I'm free. In the past the night time is when I would get out of bed once she fell asleep; eat, smoke, do whatever, even get off at times because I was free to do so. Now those bad habits can't surface again, and the control levels will be much higher, which honestly will be for the best. She found her spare key today, she kept it tapped in several pieces of paper so she could be able to tell if I tampered with it.  Well lets say it was clear that I had tampered with it...she was not surprised, but she was also not happy. Not sure if what she decided next had anything to do with it or not, but when she diapered me for bed, she made slits in the first one and put another one over the top of it. "Waddle time! This is my favorite, its seriously adorable... walk around for me, now" she said admiring her work. Well I did't walk around for her, didn't want her to sit there and just laugh, and I didn't get in trouble for not walking around, so I suppose all is good. Except for the fact she told me they would be staying on until tomorrow...night...when she gets off work...at...7:30pm. She put them on at 8:30pm tonight, not looking forward to that. Even then she said we can discuss when she gets home, when they will come off. I have a feeling they are going to look like marshmallows by noon tomorrow (They are Abena M4 X Plus by the way, bulky enough on there own). What worries me is how much she likes how thick they are.
I started this post the night before, yesterday came and the diaper was beyond heavy by morning, and nature called rather quickly and I was dreading spending the day in a full, messy diaper which was forcing me to waddle around the house. Thankfully she called me around 10am, she left her engagement ring at home and wanted me to bring it to her at work and do lunch with her, which meant I got to take off the diaper! I put my cage on when I took it off, I could have jacked off but I didn't... I knew it would hit my reset button in regards to me being submissive. Lunch was good, I believe if I was only in one diaper she wouldn't have let me change and made me go out diapered (something she has still yet to make me do). Anyways I tiddied up the house, no uniform or heals were required so I was thankful...though to be honest I'm ready to get all that stuff over with, I still need to order a corset for her to complete my outfit. She also expressed how she needs to start making me more outfits, so I won't wear the same one on a daily basis.
Last night while we were laying down I asked her what all she wanted, regardless of price, to make this time successful. In the past she had always said this is an expensive hobby, but this time it's different since it won't be a hobby; it will be our life. The top of her list was a cage for me to sleep in, the 54 inch long dog cage meant for german shepherds is too big she said "I don't want you to be super comfortable, the next size down will work, I can still leave you in it for long periods of time". So this week I will be buying her a dog cage, locks for the door, bedding for the bottom and it should be suitable for my new sleeping arrangements. I think this is going to have a huge impact on me mentally; and it will begin to start setting me in my place. The next thing she want's is a straight jacket (max-cita), she's explained she needs something to be able to keep me in bondage in any location; quickly. She want's a good mask, not a cheap one; there is a silicon or latex mask which has a female doll face she fell in love with when she first came across it, I'm currently looking for that. She still wants the milking machine and of course my wedding present to her; the neosteel arch or she male. She added she wants a solid leather harness for her strap on; one that will last years and a larger dildo for it.
My goal is to have all of these things to her by our wedding date which is doable. I think she needs all the tools by then, so everything goes smoothly. Im noticing though she still isn't strict, not as "dominant" as before and I really don't have any rules. Which is ok by me at this point, because I know when they come I'll pout. This morning was a perfect example; we got in a very stupid argument and I figured she would have snapped and "punished me", either with the spoon or leaving me in the dreaded "room" all day or when she got home or something. Well it didn't happen, which reinforced that this whole process...as much as she says it has...hasn't truly "begun". I know it will in time, we are having a "training day" soon, she wants to teach me to clean properly and show me what she expects. Also go over some of the commands "sit, kneel, greet, worship" etc.  I did ask her what would happen if when this starts, her friends were to come over "your going to serve us...in your maid attire...in your diaper...what else would you do? When your not serving us and your not of use you'll either be on the floor like a dog, or locked up listening to your files...just depends on my mood". Right now I'm sitting in bed typing and she's in the kitchen with her co workers drinking, so the thoughts crossed my mind "what IF you were serving them in a diaper right now...?!" The levels of humiliation would be out the roof, I'd probably cry. We talked about it and she said the first time in front of someone will be the hardest, then it won't be as bad when they come over. She's also talked briefly about a babysitter when she's away once we get further down the line.
All I know is I'm horny as it gets, and it's been less than a week! I can't keep my hands off of her, especially her ass (which I'm normally not allowed to touch, sure that will kick in soon). She know's I'm horny and has said somethings I didn't like hearing "The fact you can't get off me when your in your chastity cage shows me you were jacking off constantly". "Why didn't you just have sex with me when you had the chance? You blew it, you had your opportunity, now you don't get that anymore. If you want sex, I'll get my strap on and do you".  When she's said these things it's reinforced to me why this process is happening, and why it's the right place for me. I did blow it, I should have had sex with her a lot more. And now I'm not only going to pay for it, it's going to change my life. Last night I told her I didn't think cuckolding would be good "But your not going to be manly enough for me soon, and by then you'll be so submissive and such a sissy you'll understand... plus I don't want to have sex with someone sitting in a pee soaked diaper!" I know this process will be best, a female led marriage is guaranteed success and happiness for her, which is all that matters. And the cage between my legs is a constant reminder of the privilege I lost, and won't get back.

Good Night

The Lock has clicked.

Well my chastity device has been locked back on, apparently for good this time. Only time will tell if that is truly the case. As I posted we are getting married in 6-7 months, naturally the planning and preparations are going to come fast and our lives are going to be a little hectic leading up to the date. We've had some discussions about how this new chapter in our lives and in the Ds lifestyle will unfold, yet not enough to hash out the details and ease my wandering mind. Her mind is on the wedding, as is mine yet mine is also consumed with the cage I'm wearing; those in chastity understand this very well.
A few nights ago (I've been diapered everynight for the past week) we had a brief discussion about it, sadly she was exhausted and passed out before we could finish. I admitted that last time I had figured out how to get off in my chastity device (pull out pin too short, longer one in now) and that I was getting off on a regular basis. I told her she messed up when she would I've into my whining and pleas, when she was afraid of hurrying me... I knew I could manipulate situations to make the process easier for me...and I had an excuse for everything. I laid everything out, because I knew this time it had to be different, for her sake. During the conversation I asked if she wanted to make our marriage a female led one. If she wanted to be in control of her husband, if keeping him as a 24/7 submissive would make her happy, if she had a live in maid,  in a chastity device which would truly keep him chaste (she wants an arch as my wedding present to her). I even told her down the road I'd be ok with cuckolding if she was serious. She agreed she wanted these things, and that it would make her happy to have all of those things. I explained if she truly wanted them, I would give them too her,  Because I do love her. So now that the chastity device is locked back on, I feel like I'm back to giving her control completely, at a time when I'm not sure she will even have the time to pay attention to me, much less lead the relationship and begin to mold and establish order in a female led relationship. I hope I'm wrong, I simply don't want to be stuck in the limbo somewhere between our normal relationship...and the new one, especially since I would be the only one in limbo.
It's not so much I'm eager to become a full time "slave", it would be much more comfortable to continue on my current path, being lazy, not doing anything around the house, getting off whenever I want, and not having to listen to anyone. But I know how I processed this last time; it takes me ALONG time until I get in to what I call "sub space". Sub space is where I listen, I'll do whatever she ask out of fear of getting in trouble. I enter this mind set where I'm proud when she praises me and except my place in the relationship, completely. I don't mind being chained to the bed for hours listening to hypnosis when I'm in sub space, the strap-on starts to feel good, I feel I deserve the punishments I get, etc. I rarely entered subspace last time, because I found a way to get off, getting off was the reset button. But it took her being consistent, diligent, and dedicated in order to get me to that place, life is simply much better when I was in sub space (as a slave). The journey to that place is the part that's not fun, I always felt when she was going to send me to another domme; that it would quickly jolt me into that place, that never happened last time sadly.
The reason that trip never happened was multiple other female dominants, she felt, were trying to tell her how to run her relationship. She got very frustrated at this, so she never sent me away and stopped talking to the both of them. Looking back I don't think they were trying to tell her how to run her life, more they were trying to help her succeed in this lifestyle, because it was new for her and myself. This concerned me somewhat, because at least from what I could see, she was much more confident and in control when she would be talking to them. She needs to have someone to discuss the lifestyle with, it's healthy. I hope she realizes this and try's and works things out, or meet new ones anyway.  I simply want this to be successful, I want her to be beyond happy, I want to be the giver of that happiness. I want her to have full complete control, to gain all the confidence that comes along with it, and the joy of having someone that dedicated to you, that's yours. I want her to know when she closes her eyes at night, that the person in the cage in the closet, or corner or wherever it is thinks that highly of her, enough to give her his entire life. I know this kind of a relationship can be beyond successful in a marriage, I've read countless stories, talked to a lot of people, and even her friend whose the dominant who lives out of state; who has a wonderful relationship with her husband, who happens to also be her sissy slave.   I suppose I'm anxious, because my device is already locked on. I just want to make her happy, and I want to get the initial shell shock, over with.

Goodnight

Aiming toward the future...

Well as my last post states; we are engaged and we couldn't be more excited about it; I truly do love her more than anything. And I am a lucky person to call her mine. I apologize for vanishing, life got really stressful for her and I knew I wanted to propose, so I suggested a break and she agreed. We stopped everything and my chastity device began to collect dust and my bladder started to get stronger, and the house just a little bit dirtier! I'll be honest,' I didn't want to propose wearing a diaper , or with a plug in me. I wanted us to be "normal" during the proposal...Then that got me thinking, who constitutes what is our normal?
Since we stopped living the life style I did notice a few things, I was resorting back to my old habits, and even though I had access to all the sex I wanted, I didn't take advantage of it. I found myself becoming lazy again, not something I'm really proud to admit. A few days after the proposal she found a rag I had jacked off in, I wasn't honest with her about it and she knew exactly what it was. "I think we need to put the cage back on, you know I HATE it when you do that behind my back."It was the first mention of chastity in along time, I didn't argue with her. A few minutes later she turned on the closet light and walked to my side of the bed, opening my eyes I could see she was holding a diaper. I didn't even try to argue, rolling to the other side of the bed after she placed the diaper on me. "Don't be mad you knew this could happen again any day...we never stopped for good". I awoke with a soaking wet diaper, funny how quickly things returned. After a long day at work I returned home to and enjoyed a lovely evening relaxing with my soon to be wife, laying down before bed the topic arose of "what was to come" through this next run of female led relationship. She said after Christmas and when the wedding planning was over she would begin to do more; such as wav files and such. She did say several surprising things such as; Im not going to turn you into a girl, I wont feminize you and so on. "So I don't have to wear a maids outfit, shave my legs, or wear heels?" I said with some joy, "I never said that, you never know when I'll change my mind" was her only reply.
The conversation drifted and I was more worried/curious about the long term; what were her plans and how was this going to pan out? With us getting married would anything change? What came from the conversation was I'm not going to get to have sex with her for the next six months, the earliest would be the night of our wedding, and even then it wasn't a guarantee. I'd be kept in chastity until then and be milked or have a ruined orgasm once every two weeks, and I would be diapered every night and in time start wearing them during the day. She also said before too long she wants me to start sleeping in a cage in the bedroom, she wants one big enough so I'm not super cramped and could be left in for long periods of time. "I'm not going to "train" you, but if I tell you to wash dishes it better get done right then, or else". I discussed possibilities on how are new life together could pan out and gave her a scenario: "So your slowly getting back into this, by the time of the wedding you'll more than likely be back to 100%, of me being the "wife" of the relationship. When we get married it will continue, this will be "life"and at some point after your prolly going to start cuckolding me" "Thats about 90% correct I presume, except the cuckolding thing I'm not sure about yet...I'd rather find a guy that will fuck you and me" she said with a very serious face.  "What the hell are you talking about? You can't be serious" I snapped. "Very actually", "I'm not gay, you know that, I would never let you do that".  "Well you kind of wont have a choice, since you'll be tied up, it'll be fun! You'll like it, I know you enjoy my strap on...it's the same thing. He'll fuck you, then you can watch us from your cage. I think that would be much better than simply cuckolding, that way we both win". I truly couldn't believe she said that, sad thing is I believe her when she said she was serious. "Your not scared about this process, you'll do everything because you love me"was the last thing she said that night.
Deep down I know everything we did last time, will be back again. She will continue to feminize me, rather she admits it now or not. I honestly think this time might be more serious than before, since she may be building the roles for the long run now that we are getting married. I do know she will not be blogging, she may every now and then, but as for now she will not. What frustrated her to stop last time was multiple other dominants who were trying to help her learn, she felt like they were trying to tell her how to run her relationship (even though that was not their intention). So now she's set to do things her way...but with wedding planning on her mind, it may effect her memory to my benefit! It's been three days and the chastity device hasn't gone on yet! Praise the lord she's not a morning person! Maybe this trend will keep up and I won't end up being a life long "sissy slave".

We're Engaged!

Apologies for vanishing, as of last week we are engaged! I will update soon!