Affirmation...it's not a game.

Im coming to terms with diapers.

It may seem like we are never at home on the weekends, though I can assure this is not the case all of the time. Lately we have been gone an oddly strange amount, that's changing now. We spent the holiday weekend with Family, well sunday and monday anyway. Awakening sunday morning Mistress was not happy I hadn't messed my diaper, but this was haulted by the fact we needed to get on the road. Driving too our destination we took two cars, I received a text from Mistress B asking if I was plugged, I replied with a hesitant "...no?". She told me she though sissies should be plugged all during the day, to make them more submissive and get them use to having things up there ass....or something like that. I can tell you that was NOT a piece of advice I was passing along to Mistress, though she more than likely already recommended it to her. We enjoyed our get away and I asked Mistress B one question later in the day, if my time with her during training would be only under her roof, or if I would be leaving the house at all. Looking back I almost wish I wouldn't have asked that question. "Some in public, you need to get use to them" was her reply. Use to what I asked, which she stated "your diapers, you need to get use to wearing them 24/7 which is what your Mistress wants, this includes public". Great, one of my biggest fears...diapers in public, I want nothing to do with it! I'm a slim guy, if my pant's are puffy everyone will know, my waddle will be very obvious. "I truly wish you would re think that, I don't want to be exposed or humiliated, I don't want others to know I'm diapered ma'am" (I HAVE to address her as Ma'am and Mistress as Mistress in all communication or it adds 10 spankings to my first punishment session with her...I'm up to 81 apparently, though I think the count is off...my opinion doesn't matter).  "Thats why it's going to be fun! You'll be extra submissive which is where your Mistress needs you".   I enjoyed the day with Mistress, I'm so lucky to call her mine, and even lucky enough to begin the journey to serve her. She truly is stunning, she has a glow about her when she smiles that reinforces why I want to be with her forever when I see it. Laying in bed she had already grabbed a diaper out of the suitcase and put it on me, I was cuddled up next to her when I asked her, as nicely, as sincerely as I could... "Please don't send me to Mistress B....she's alot meaner than you, I think it's going to be a nightmare".  "No, your going, its for sure now...don't ask me again, you need to go" was all she said. Even today it became more evident, they were texting a lot, and it was obvious. Sitting on the floor eating dinner when we finally returned home Mistre
ss giggled and kept smiling when she was looking at her phone, she said "diapers in public!" in a bubbly voice, and I knew my fears had been reaffirmed. Though I'm scared do not think Mistress is crossing a hard limit, she's not. She has few limits (she knows I'd never do anything homosexually related, and she would never make me do that) but other than that she has full control. If I truly wanted to stop this process I could look her in the eye and make it end, but I see how much happier she is now. After dinner she told me to lay on the bed, she inserted the medium plug in me and put on my black thong to hold it in. "Come on, across my lap now" she said sitting on the edge of the bed with a wooden spoon in hand. I didn't even fight it, it would have been pointless.
"You were bad this weekend" as she spanked me after each of the following statements.
-Yes Mistress  I replied.
"You did NOT call me Mistress, you are to do that EVERY Time"
-Yes Mistress.
"You did not behave and you weren't respectful"
-Yes Mistress (the blows began to multiply between statements)
"You are to always hold the door for me and allow me to enter first, anywhere, anytime, no questions!"
-Yes Mistress

I understand why I must be kept in chastity now.

"You are to listen and not sigh when I ask you to do something"
-Yes Mistress (now my ass is glowing and each strike is causing me to squirm)
"You are to do whatever I say immediately with no hesitation"
-Yes Mistress
The statements stopped and the spanking continued for a few minutes
"You understand why I'm sending you to Mistress B?"
-Yes Mistress
"It's going to be hell! this spanking is going to seem like massage!"
-Yes Mistress with pain in my voice
"Your going to be sleeping standing up chained in a closet! So fun!"
-Yes Mistress
"She's not going to put up with your attitude, your ass will be raw!"
-Yes Mistress
"Do you understand what I've said sissy?"
-Yes Mistress
She left me across her lap, gently rubbing my bright red bottom. She held me for a minute then told me to get to cleaning and report back when I was done. In the middle of my attempt to shine the kitchen, she put the posture collar on me, as if the plug wasn't bad enough. An hour passed and I was done. I really needed to use the rest room but she simply replied "too bad" and ignored me. She then took me into the bedroom and told me to prepare the chains on the bed for my hypnosis files. Chaining my arms to the bed (I might add when she plugged me, she put my heels on me, they are still on) she pulled them tight, blind fold which was wrapped again to ensure darkness, and my files began being pumped into my head. The files were some I hate, because I'm an ass guy, Mistress's ass is perfect and large...the good kind of large, shes not overweight by any means. The file was focused on building a stronger ass fetish for any women I see, yet not being allowed to get off. It played on loop for what seemed like hours. When she finally turned it off I was so happy to be out of the darkness. I got up and stretched and immediately wet my diaper without thinking about it, then I messed without giving second thought.   "What was that" I thought... I walked by the window in the kitchen and looked at myself in the reflection... heels causing my ass to stick out, legs straight, diaper wrapped around me. "This is life now, this is what your becoming...at least it looks...kind of cute?" was what rushed through my mind. It's sad how scared I am of changing, I'm becoming more submissive daily, more dependent on her daily...and training truly hasn't begun. I don't think it will until she sends me to Mistress B's. Mistress said she will have my first weekend training planned and a date by mid week more than likely, and its possibly as close as the coming weekend.  When Mistress had me across her lap, Its clear shes growing much more confident. And my spankings tonight did not count towards my total tally for Mistress B's... She's still going to spank me for not addressing Mistress properly as well.

Goodnight, I hate falling asleep in a very diaper.
Debbie.

Hypnosis, Thoughts, and one tired sub

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday was Mistress caught me in boxers, stupid mistake. I put them on when I went to go see friends since I was wearing basketball shorts; not wanting to flaunt my white and black thong I chose an old pair of boxers. I told myself to remove them when I got back home, and I forgot. Which was why she reddened my ass so bad yesterday, and it put her in a very aggressive mood for the remainder of the evening. Awakening this morning she was not happy I hadn't "messed" my diaper, despite the fact it was soaked through and through. "I think it's time for you to go into diapers 24/7, its the only way your going to become fully dependent on them" she said as she woke.  Shuttering that thought away I found myself reflecting on something she stated last night, which kind of bugged me. I don't want to be her cuckold, yet I feel in time its inevitable and the signs are painted on the wall; A.) "your not going to have sex with me again"  B.) "your going to be sleeping in a crib every night, not next to me anymore" C.) Her making me suck her strap-on and progressively training my hole to take larger dildos and plugs.  D.) Her wanting a milking machine so she wont risk me feeling pleasure during a monthly milking. E.) "soon your cage isn't coming off anymore, your going to have to learn to wear it and your diaper" F.) When I was pleasuring her with the strap on she said "its just not the same as the real thing, sorry but you can stop". And Lastly what she said last night "I need to get you an isolation hood and a mask, I have to stop viewing you as my boyfriend and start seeing you as my slave, the mask will move this along much faster".  I felt hurt, worried, and concerned why she doesn't want to see me as her boyfriend. When I repeated it back to her she said that wasn't what she meant. But that reply did not satisfy me, and reminded me of when Mobico asked his wife the proverbial question "Do you view me as your husband or your slave?". I over think everything and I know I just need to sit back and ride this train, after all it was I who introduced her to chastity, I just never thought we'd come this far, and we still have along way to go. I know hundreds of guys out there would KILL to be in my shoes, but it's not all fun and games. Though I did notice I'm not as horny today, I think I may of had a wet dream since my balls no longer ache, guess I need to check the diaper.

None of this, this evening.

She is wanting alot of new items, so I asked her to prioritize them for me last night and she said she wanted the crib within the week, then the hood, then a highchair, then the machine, then the maxcita straight jacket. To me this sounds like a cocktail for a miserable slave!  Add to the list the items I will be adding to surprise her with; the new corsets, jewel designer butt plug, and the steel collar I found, One she can actually leave on me full time when I'm not in public since I'm sure she's going to start leashing me soon when ever she makes me start crawling around.
When I went home for lunch I didn't eat, instead I cleaned like a mad man, or, girl? So I would have less to do this evening. It's actually 2:00pm now as I'm typing this first part of the blog, I plan on cleaning like crazy when I get home from work. Clean whole house quickly and not do it in heels, plugged, and chains? Yes please! Wonderful conversations continued today with the Mistress I referenced yesterday, I'm excited to tell Mistress that she's really nice and I think they will hit it off. Its SO NICE to be able to talk to someone about it other than Mistress's "coach" and get insight into a domme. Another local Mistress gave me permission to message her slave, I've yet to do it though.
Well It's now a little after seven, I messaged the other submissive and I think were off to a great conversation! I continued to talk with the Mistress who lives close, and she's really helped me with alot of the mental roadblocks I've put in place through this process. She's also taken alot of concern away from exposure and humiliation today. One thing she stated was she thinks I need much more hypnosis, to help continue to solidify my training and transformation; she stated it's obvious it's working on me. I truly am thankful for our long conversation today, it's nice to talk to someone who is as kind, real, and honest as she is! I thought about it and asked myself the question "If she was sitting in our living room with Mistress would you be embarrassed to serve them in your maid outfit, or her seeing Mistress do anything to you?" The answer quickly came to my head "no I wouldn't". I think the reason I feel this way is because she understands the lifestyle, and a sub missives place in the whole scheme.  Now, I don't know if that day will come where her and Mistress become close enough where she begins the visit, I hope it does but thats not what was comforting. The notion that there are others in the local community with her same outlook is comforting. "You'll never meet a group of more open minded people.." she said, and that's comforting. I've been cleaning since the minute I got home and its time to prepare dinner, be back soon!
The floors look amazing and I cooked a wonderful meal, I also made sure I welcomed Mistress properly when she got home ;)  I cleaned like I was insane this afternoon, the amount of sweat pouring off of me you would have thought I was mowing the lawn! It was SO hot for some reason. I rushed to the grocery store and got home just as Mistress was arriving. I finished dinner and we enjoyed our meal, I sat on the floor and proceeded to clean the kitchen when I was done, granted its still not clean I made a huge mess during dinner. Before I started cooking Mistress had me lay down on the bed naked, she contemplated putting me in my uniform, the opted to go ahead and diaper me for the evening and putting an apron on me for while I cooked.  I hate it when she gets home so late in the evening; I know she's unwinding from the day and the last thing she wants to do is train or think of all the rules she has to enforce. So I do understand, yet its SO FRUSTRATING when Im on these long chastity stints; because I feel like we've only had one day of solid training and involvement since my business trip got in the way earlier this week. The only reason I harp on wanting her to be consistent and to start enforworth it. When she's consistent and I go into "sub space" then I don't think about chastity, getting off no longer matters, all that matters is pleasing her and making her happy. I want that to be constant! And I know it can, and I know in time it will. I just have to be patient, on the day I make enough money to tell her to quit her job, I will cry tears of joy because she truly does work so hard and is underpaid just as many people are in this economy. Any ways after I cleaned the kitchen she was in the bedroom setting up the restraints for a hypnosis section. She hadn't done one in awhile, but before leaving the room she took the gag and made a new hole in the belt "Since you like to try and spit this out, I'm going to make it to where you can't even get it out of your mouth" was all she said as she tightened the ball gag to a painful tension. My mouth still hurts like hell. For two hours I listened to hypnosis files, I laid there and hoped a certain file would come on, "chasstity" is it's title, it takes me to such a happy place and I feel it has made the biggest impact on me, yet it never came. I tried to tell her before she started and she just walked away. I came out of my trance and didn't say a word as she turned on the lights and removed my restraints and blind fold. It was a very interesting vibe I was feeling. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to sleep I just wanted to stay there. Even after I got up I didn't shake this feeling until about thirty minutes later, and it left me overly tired. My limbs are aching from the chains, she pulled them as tight as she could. Need to get some rest, not sure if tomorrow will be full of fun or not. I suppose we'll see!
cing all of the rules, being strict and never breaking her role (though I know when that day does come I will want these days back) is that it makes the massive waves of frustration that chastity is bringing to my mind every minute

Sex in my new role, and I enjoyed it?

Well, tonight was interesting... but...my balls are no longer aching! I had to attend a funeral this evening, Mistress was forced to stay late at work, which is why she did not go with me. I got home around 8:00pm and we sat down and ate dinner she had prepared. I wouldn't say she' the best cook, but on certain things; she will blow me out of the water. I do most of the cooking now, which is ok seeing as I truly do enjoy it. She's still working on building her memory, this became evident since she didn't say anElena's Hypnosis files, Mistress is a big fan. You get in a trance after Elena takes you under, and her words are the only thing you focus on, it's creepy). The files began to play, it was one I have not heard before which consisted of feminization, humiliation, worshipping strap on's and sucking cocks, and being a good girl for your Mistress. About thirty minutes in I feel the bed move as she climbed on, then my mind was literally fucked. Mistress began inserting the dildo from her strap on into my rear, in and out...in and out...then she attached a vibrator to the end, my body began shaking with the shoots of pleasure coming from an unlikely source. This culminated with the hypnosis file telling me how I need to only use my holes for pleasure, how I need to worship other strap on's or cocks, and embrace the fact I'm now a sissy sent my mind on a whirl wind of emotions. Then she began stroking me; all the while pushing the dildo deeper and turning the vibrator up; this sent me over the edge.
ything when I sat on the couch to eat (she normally makes me sit on the floor and eat). I assumed she simply wasn't in the mood to indulge in activities tonight. After about an hour she told me to strip and be ready for her in the bedroom. "Are you ready for more of your files sissy?!" she asked mockingly, she knows I can't stand them, but more worrisome is the fact that she knows there working. And tonight they would take me on one crazy ride. She left my chastity device on, and began chaining me tight to the bed limbs spread to each corner. "Don't you dare mess yourself since your diapers off" she stated as she began to pull my limbs tighter securing them with the click of a padlock around the leather cuffs. "It would be in your best interest not to talk, one word and the gag goes on for the night, this isn't a game." I decided after the events of last night I should take her seriously. The headphones went on as well as the blind fold, followed by more fabric wrapped around my eyes to ensure no light entered (I suppose she will need a hood soon). The files came on and I began to fall into the depths of my mind (If you've never listened to hypnosis files go check out
My mind kept flashing images of me; dressed as a slut with my Mistress over me taking me with her strap on, images of me with fake breast, make up, a wig dressed to a tea on display in bondage, images of me being put to bed in a cage in the corner of the room, then the realization that I was enjoying the dildo in my rear alot more than I expected, I also realized I had been pushing down so it would go further. These thoughts are shocking kind of, and I don't know what to make of them right now. All I know is in the moment, I wanted more and I thought to myself if this is sex now...your going to enjoy it. She continued to stroke me more and more, after words she told me she was telling me to "let her know when I was about to cum" but she didn't think about the fact I could not hear and could not see what she was saying. I was so lost in the moment, focused on each wave of pleasure coming from multiple places. She kept stroking faster and faster and I kept pushing the dildo mumbling deeper, she pulled out the dildo and inserted her larger vibrator quickly into my hole...after a few deep thrust I couldn't contain myself... the pleasure was simply to great and I cam into the towel in her hand. She left me there, with the vibrator still deep in me for twenty minutes. I was high from the pleasure, I wanted more. The files ended and she removed my battery powered new friend and diapered me very tight. After unchaining me she told I was going to fuck her, I was very confused. Then she strapped the strap on over my diaper and told me to get to it. "You finally get to fuck me with a real dick, are you excited? Your in a diaper, and you've already wet it... how pathetic you are." I climbed on top of her and began to do what she ask, she came very fast. "Get used to this, its the only way your going to fuck me." she said closing in content.  Now I'm sitting here in a very wet diaper which is very comfortable, feeling very relieved that I got off, even if it was by accident. I haven't experienced that much pleasure in along time. The emotions I felt and the pleasure from my ass are still confusing. But I'm not scared to move forward, I trust her, I love her. If I have to be a slave, I'd only want her to own me. She told me that soon my chastity device won't be coming off anymore, that I'd have to get used to sleeping with it on under my diaper. I'm nervous about this, but I understand that it's what must happen. Thanks for reading, and sharing my journey. Changes are happening, who know's where I'll be in a few months.

Debbie

I should have put on my uniform...

I apologize but this will be a short post, I'm exhausted from this evenings activities. Mistress got home around 8:30 and was not in a good mood since I wasn't in my maids uniform as she requested...I'm really wishing I would have put it on. To say she was mad is an understatement, she drug me to the bathroom inserted a suppository, quickly diapered me along with my pink plastic panties. The chained me spread eagle to the bed where I couldn't move. Then came the large gag, ear phones, sound proof head phones next, blind fold and panties on my head. Two hours of isolation hypnosis files followed. My balls are aching, My diaper is beyond full and I don't get changed until morning now. My limbs are sore and ass red.... Lesson learned.

Isolation Punishment, reality setting in

First, let me apologize for the horrid format of the last post! I could not for the life of me figure out how to change the font on the later section! Though I hope the last post provided you with some background. This is will be the last post in journal form and will catch you up to speed on the past week.

Thursday night I knew she was serious about beginning again, her first words when she got home were “lets get your diaper on you”. She told me we were going to start promptly on Friday (the next day) and I would be “busy” until Saturday during the day at some point. Friday was a terrible long day for me at work, my mind raced to make sense of what she was going to do, or even think of what she was going to do. I received a text during the day stating “I need you to finish your room when you get home, install the I-bolts where I instructed you. Take a shower and be waiting for me.”

Let me explain what she means by “my room”. Inside of her bathroom closet, there is a small crawl space which is about 3 feet high, 3 feet wide, 3 ½ feet deep. Just big enough for me to sit in, or curl up in a little ball. At all four corners of this “box” at I bolts and mounting rings (eight in total) four up top and four down low. She placed a 1inch thick piece of foam on the floor as padding, and we added a wooden door which literally “seals” when its shut. The door has 3 different locks on it and 9 one inch holes for “fresh air”. She’s always loved the little room, and joked about keeping me in there ever since we first looked at the house.

When she arrived home she told me I would be in Isolation for the next 15 hours, my heart literally sank. She had mentioned it the night before, but now it was obvious she was serious. “Lets go get you ready”. Was the only thing she stated upon arriving home. I was then led to the bedroom where she removed my clothes leaving me standing there in nothing but my Mature Metal Jail Bird waiting for her to return. When she did she attached her newly bought locking leather ankle and wrist cuffs, locking each one with its own pad lock. Then she removed my chastity device and laid me on the bed “You wont be able to touch yourself, even if you try” she proclaimed with a confident smile. And she was right; Laying on the bed she applied a lot of baby powder, much more than normal as she explained to me I probably would be in this same diaper for the next 18 hours. After taping on one Abena Abriform M4 X Plus (this one of the thickest adult diapers) she made long slits in it, a puzzling action. She then produced another Abriform and placed it over the one already wrapped around my waist. After slidding on pink plastic panties she gave me a rather evil smile stating “Trust me, your going to need all this”. And with that she quickly gagged me with her locking ball gag and led me to the kitchen while I waddled behind her. Sitting me down on the stool she then proceeded to explain the rules of the evening, the normal “no complaining or it’s going to be worse” mantra while she prepared my dinner; baby food.

I don’t like vegetables that much, I never have, I don’t care for them much pulverized either. She laced everything she fed me with laxatives; yogurt, bottles of milk, water, 3 different types of babyfood… she fed me until I truly felt like I was going to explode. I failed to mention she inserted two Fleet suppositories in me while she was diapering me. Then I was led to my room, chaining my hands and feet to the four points and securing each point with its own master lock, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere on my own. Upon locking my gag in she produced head phones; which caught me by surprise. “I told you I’d keep you entertained” she smiled.

What would pour from them would be my new hell; two hours of diaper/sissy regression hypnosis followed by Keyholders Binding on repeat by Elena at esuccubus.com. I was in a terrible trance, drooling because of the gag, flooding my diaper every ten minutes it seemed, this box scared me; her tactics seemed to be working. A few hours in she opened the box to check on me ( I was blind folded despite the fact no light comes into my room). I was overheating, couldn’t breathe, and pouring sweat. So she opened the door and placed a fan in front of me, and the hypnosis files kept playing over and over, I lost all perception of time.

After five hours she un chained me and let me out of the box to stretch, drink, smoke a few cigarettes (which was very wonderful of her). All I knew was I hated the box, I thought I was going to die in there! I still hadn’t produced a mess in my diaper, which upset her too the max, after explaining I hadn’t eaten that day she took me to a fast food restaurant (still in the worlds thickest diapers) to get dinner. Once we returned we watched TV and ate, I was happy to be out. She then told me to strip and lay on the bed, upon walking in the room I noticed she had attached chains at each corner of our, excuse me….her King size bed. She strapped me to the bed using a spreader bar; in went the gag, on went the blindfold and my wonderful hypnosis files were back! “Four Steps on serving: Learning to be a “Good Boy”” played for hours on repeat, everytime I had the word “good boy” on the tape I would shiver, I had a feeling these files were working, and this was my first exposure. Around 1:00am she unchained me and gave me a break, after which she told me it was time to go back in my box until morning, no restraints or files; just to sleep.  I was begging, pleading, making crazier promises, the thought of all night in there was killing me.

She told me she had to be consistent, and that 15 hours would look easy compared to 24 hours in isolation if I was terribly bad. I truly think I was about to cry, when she told me to lay down and let me sleep on the bed. She had mind-fucked me beyond belief, I must say it worked, and I could feel myself becoming more submissive. Noon came on Saturday and she finally removed my double diaper; which had to weigh ten pounds, not kidding. I still hadn’t produced a bowel movement, I was convinced she had clogged me on accident. She placed my chastity cage back on and let me shower. Saturday night was easy, after putting me into my night time diaper she chained me to the bed again; the files were back. The same dreaded voice of “Good Boy”…”Good Boy”….”Good Boy”…. The voice telling me to idolize my Mistress, when the .wav file finally ended, Mistress removed my headphones…she smiled and cooed “Good Boy”… I was chilled to the bone.

Debbie