I suppose somethings take time to fall in place, I spoke in my last post about my fear this would devolve down the path of me being subjected to these tribulations while she lived a very vanilla life. Monday during the day she began texting me about how she doesn't believe I was taking the process seriously. In all honesty, I wasn't. She explained how she was getting very upset I don't listen to her, I apologized yet I had no intention of stopping my behavior, because there were no repercussions for living my normal life and doing what ever I wanted to do. When she called me after work she began saying some odd things "Your going to start drinking my urine, daily" "I think we should play a game where you drink a lot of liquids and are forced to wet yourself...in your panties not your diapers" Amongst other things. This was odd to me but I decided not to dwell on it. When I arrived home she was leaving to go have dinner with friends, which I was upset about seeing as I never see her. I cleaned up a little bit and spent a few hours on netflix, at this time my chastity device was really annoying me. When she finally got home she kindly put me into my diaper, which meant the cage come off! I'm so much more comfortable in them!!!! Especially since my new cage is tighter, anyways when we laid down she made me literally kiss her ass before she went to sleep...and after I did that she asked me a strange question:
"So I need to know something, have you always wanted to be controlled by a dominant women".
I didn't answer, instead sending more questions her way "What do you mean controlled?"
She replied by saying "having every aspect of your life controlled, everything, have you always wanted that? I need to know before we move further in this process"
"So if I say no can we stop playing and I don't wear the cage anymore?"
She laughed really hard "No, not hardly...your stuck with that now, I just need to know to understand how I'm going to proceed".
I awoke this morning to her un tapping my diaper, which a welcomed feeling since it was soaked. My dick was already harder than steel, she began cleaning me up and then she climbed on top of me and we had sex, for about two minutes, I was still waking up or I know I would have gotten off. After a lot of teasing last night and that show this morning, my balls are aching beyond belief! She put my cage back on and left for work, sadly when I arrived home for lunch I noticed she left the key on the night stand again.... it makes me sad, because even though she says she "forgets" it makes me sad because I feel its just me going through this. Despite the fact she text me through out the day, randomly mentioning things about it... When were home, nothing happens. Her threats carry no weight, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get better with empty threats. So right now I'm sitting here in bed, she's watching T.V. and I guess I'm about to go to sleep. I guess I'll get diapered soon, thats if she remembers.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Getting situated, and making some adjustments
Well after some unexpected delays with my chastity device, we are back in business. I had a metal worker slim down the ring and I can attest I can't get out of this thing at all. The new cuts I made to the anti-pull out pin make even trying not only painful, yet scaring. Even if I were to manage to back out, theres no way I'd get it back in. And yes its only been 24 hours and I'm going crazy. The device actually arrived Wednesday, I didn't tell her until later in the evening. I felt bad that I had removed it from the package and put it away without her knowing, she was checking the porch and patio to see if any boxes were left and the look of disappointment was clear. When she knew the device had arrived she snapped at me before bed "put your diaper on". I laid down, exhausted from a long work day and ignored her demands, before I knew it I was asleep. The following morning I woke up late and didn't put the device on, she was not happy again. Yet in my mind if she fails at making sure its on, thats a free pass for the day :). Well Thursday when I got home she was getting ready to leave and asked me to lay down on the bed, she put me in two diapers and proceeded to leave the room. Before she left the house she yelled "All the laundry folded and change the sheets, wash them as well." And that was that...
I walked about the house, hating the waddle, contemplating removing them and putting new ones on when she got home, just didn't want the inevitable to happen because I knew these weren't going to be coming off until Friday morning. Friday came and went, I put my device on before I left for work, work was uneventful. That evening she had me help with some things for her side business, the device was killing me and she told me once I had completed my task she would diaper me, I couldn't wait! I ended up making a huge mess, laying down she was not happy "I really can't sleep next to you with that smell, lets change you." I welcomed a fresh diaper and sleep peacefully, even dreaming. She thinks I sleep better with the diapers on, I doubt that statement is true...maybe I simply don't want it to be true. Regardless Saturday she was gone all day and I proceeded to work on the house, she left early that morning leaving me in a diaper and told me to put the device on when I woke up. I really wish she wouldn't trust me... I don't trust myself! How can you expect someone used to jacking off to be trustworthy and just put his device on!!!! Any ways she got home and I was on the toilet, knowing I was going to be diapered when she arrived, I just didn't want to sleep in a mess again. She got upset and expressed her want for me to make all my messes in my diaper only. Well lets fast forward to today, she awoke and told me she wanted me to cook her breakfast, and asked if I wanted a fresh diaper. Of course I did, it was how I obtained it I had a problem with. "I want you to say Mistress I would really like to be comfy and cozy in a new diaper" she said, I really didn't want to say something so trivial and silly, it took me about ten minutes of pouting to finally say it. When I finally did she put me in two diapers, slitting the first one so it would leak into the second... I was mad because I really had to make a mess, and she wouldn't let me use the toilet first. She had to leave again for most of the day, and wanted me in my locking plastic panties...again I wish she didn't trust me!!!!!!! I put them on but I didn't lock them, why would I?! She's supposed to be the one to click these locks and not leave the keys at home...it makes this process hard and irrelevant. I had a work situation turn up and had to leave the house, I took the diapers off and locked on my chastity device, which was irrelevant since she left the key for that too.... I guess I'm not taking her seriously, last night she told me I didn't listen to her and obey and she was upset about it, yet she didn't do anything. So I guess I'm really not sure, last time she was strict, never left a key around, and dotted her I's when it came to anything to do with this. So I guess I'm not sure if she is taking it seriously. I'm not sure what I need or what she needs to do to make it clear this is really happening...because right now I feel like a guy who just wears diapers... She wanted me to buy a crib on friday I found on craigslist, I ignored her want, I do not want to subject myself to sleeping in something that small, I'm 5'8! I can't fit in a childs crib!!!! Monday morning I began to really feel horny...it was driving me insane, it hasn't hit me like this yet.
I walked about the house, hating the waddle, contemplating removing them and putting new ones on when she got home, just didn't want the inevitable to happen because I knew these weren't going to be coming off until Friday morning. Friday came and went, I put my device on before I left for work, work was uneventful. That evening she had me help with some things for her side business, the device was killing me and she told me once I had completed my task she would diaper me, I couldn't wait! I ended up making a huge mess, laying down she was not happy "I really can't sleep next to you with that smell, lets change you." I welcomed a fresh diaper and sleep peacefully, even dreaming. She thinks I sleep better with the diapers on, I doubt that statement is true...maybe I simply don't want it to be true. Regardless Saturday she was gone all day and I proceeded to work on the house, she left early that morning leaving me in a diaper and told me to put the device on when I woke up. I really wish she wouldn't trust me... I don't trust myself! How can you expect someone used to jacking off to be trustworthy and just put his device on!!!! Any ways she got home and I was on the toilet, knowing I was going to be diapered when she arrived, I just didn't want to sleep in a mess again. She got upset and expressed her want for me to make all my messes in my diaper only. Well lets fast forward to today, she awoke and told me she wanted me to cook her breakfast, and asked if I wanted a fresh diaper. Of course I did, it was how I obtained it I had a problem with. "I want you to say Mistress I would really like to be comfy and cozy in a new diaper" she said, I really didn't want to say something so trivial and silly, it took me about ten minutes of pouting to finally say it. When I finally did she put me in two diapers, slitting the first one so it would leak into the second... I was mad because I really had to make a mess, and she wouldn't let me use the toilet first. She had to leave again for most of the day, and wanted me in my locking plastic panties...again I wish she didn't trust me!!!!!!! I put them on but I didn't lock them, why would I?! She's supposed to be the one to click these locks and not leave the keys at home...it makes this process hard and irrelevant. I had a work situation turn up and had to leave the house, I took the diapers off and locked on my chastity device, which was irrelevant since she left the key for that too.... I guess I'm not taking her seriously, last night she told me I didn't listen to her and obey and she was upset about it, yet she didn't do anything. So I guess I'm really not sure, last time she was strict, never left a key around, and dotted her I's when it came to anything to do with this. So I guess I'm not sure if she is taking it seriously. I'm not sure what I need or what she needs to do to make it clear this is really happening...because right now I feel like a guy who just wears diapers... She wanted me to buy a crib on friday I found on craigslist, I ignored her want, I do not want to subject myself to sleeping in something that small, I'm 5'8! I can't fit in a childs crib!!!! Monday morning I began to really feel horny...it was driving me insane, it hasn't hit me like this yet.
Friday, April 4, 2014
I hate sitting in mess...
I know...I know...I know... this blog went dark...for along time. I truly have no excuses, and I apologize to those of you who sent me messages about how much you loved the blog. It is a love/hate relationship for me, and its more than likely obvious I haven't been in the lifestyle since my last post, I truly don't know what my last post even was. Again I apologize, yet its affirmation that this lifestyle isn't all the stories and fantasy seekers make it up to be. Having a 24/7 FLR/FLM is hard work, primarily from the women. It takes so much time for me to get into sub space, it takes months for me to take her seriously about it, it takes drastic actions from her for me to think she is serious. Those actions require planning, and take time, which gets consumed from other things life brings your way. To those of you who have done it, bravo...whats the secret (perhaps I don't want to know). So why did it end THIS time.... I'll do my best to recant the conversation. I had been locked up for some time without relief, (over 30 days), I remember being horny as it gets and I had spent a lot of time alone outdoors which caused me to think long and hard on the situation I was in. During that time I came to some conclusions and decided I needed to tell her how I was feeling.
"This is where I belong, I don't deserve to get off, much less have sex with you (or receive pleasure from it anyway), I blew it, I got off behind your back so much and I feel I've lost those privileges. I deserve to be kept in chastity, I deserve to be trained back into being dependent on diapers...I don't deserve to sleep in the same bed, you do deserve the right to cuckold me. I want you to take this further, I know it will be miserable... its fine, I deserve this." I said to her, she became frazzled and said this isn't what I want, I'm marrying you, I want to have sex with my husband, I don't want to do this anymore. That was all I needed to here, game over. I got up out of bed and started undoing the diaper "Just leave it on" she said. I was mad, and I wasn't sure why, those thoughts I had came from being deep in "sub space" and being deprived orgasm for a month. Once I got off I thought to myself "Are you crazy, why the hell would you say you want those things?!" I quickly resorted back to my old habits sadly and we went back to normal vanilla life. Months went by, we've been consumed planning the big day, life brought other challenges and time kept marching on. Then she started finding rags and etc from you know what...she wasn't happy, sex went to almost nothing, which is all my fault... sad huh? She started slowly talking about it again and one day she locked my jail bird back on and said we're starting. Well all was not well, I discovered I could pull out, even with the long blunt anti pull out pin. I decided to be honest and tell her about it, happy the device would come off until we sent it back to Mature metal to make it smaller. I never sent the device off, (this was 2 weeks ago) I didn't want to go back in it! I suppose I had a fear that she wouldn't take it seriously, and I refuse to simply wear a chastity device and a diaper at night, it does nothing to change me, and doesn't develop the FLR at all. The actions which surround those things do.
Going back to when we decided to give chastity a try in the beginning I remember her making one mistake, which I think set the course for failure; she gave in on a brutal "break in session". I was in two thick diapers, plastic pants, suppositories and fed baby food laced with laxatives and vast amounts of fiber. She had planned to start on a friday evening and leave me chained in a small crawl space she turned into a cage, listening to her wav files for 24 hours. She was doing this to try and get me quickly into sub space and let me know she was serious. It was hell being in there, hell. When she let me out every 4 hours to stretch after hour 8 I begged not to go back in and stay the night, it was hell, my diaper had turned it into a gas chamber...she gave in and let me sleep in the bed, chained to it, yet she gave in. I think that's where the fault was because I didn't take her seriously.
So I didn't send the device back to mature metal, rather I took the long blunt anti-pull out pin and and a dremel and modified it to the criss cross pattern yet sharper. Today is my first day back in, if I try and pull any way, it will cut me. If it does come out, it isn't going back in. So until I order the arch, for her wedding gift, this will do. I'm not sure how long it will last, part of me doesn't want it to, part of me does. I'm currently laying in bed, penis is killing me from this new anti pull out pin, I asked her to diaper me earlier and she wouldn't, hoping she does soon so the cage will come off. Which I know it linking comfort to diapers, which is sad in my current state of mind. They say actions speak louder than words, so I suppose time will tell if she takes the reins and steers this down a road of me becoming submissive.
She just came back into the bed room and removed my cage, after some deliberation (I don't know why she deliberates) my diaper leaked into my diaper cover last night, I'm now sitting in two Abri Form M4 X plus diapers, and they will remain on apparently until tomorrow at 5:30. I don't work tomorrow and she does, so she will be leaving the locking diaper covers on me during the day.
Its now friday morning, she just left for work...sadly for me I ended up messing these diapers five minutes after she left...looks like I get to clean the whole house with filth around my waist today...only seven more hours until she's home.
"This is where I belong, I don't deserve to get off, much less have sex with you (or receive pleasure from it anyway), I blew it, I got off behind your back so much and I feel I've lost those privileges. I deserve to be kept in chastity, I deserve to be trained back into being dependent on diapers...I don't deserve to sleep in the same bed, you do deserve the right to cuckold me. I want you to take this further, I know it will be miserable... its fine, I deserve this." I said to her, she became frazzled and said this isn't what I want, I'm marrying you, I want to have sex with my husband, I don't want to do this anymore. That was all I needed to here, game over. I got up out of bed and started undoing the diaper "Just leave it on" she said. I was mad, and I wasn't sure why, those thoughts I had came from being deep in "sub space" and being deprived orgasm for a month. Once I got off I thought to myself "Are you crazy, why the hell would you say you want those things?!" I quickly resorted back to my old habits sadly and we went back to normal vanilla life. Months went by, we've been consumed planning the big day, life brought other challenges and time kept marching on. Then she started finding rags and etc from you know what...she wasn't happy, sex went to almost nothing, which is all my fault... sad huh? She started slowly talking about it again and one day she locked my jail bird back on and said we're starting. Well all was not well, I discovered I could pull out, even with the long blunt anti pull out pin. I decided to be honest and tell her about it, happy the device would come off until we sent it back to Mature metal to make it smaller. I never sent the device off, (this was 2 weeks ago) I didn't want to go back in it! I suppose I had a fear that she wouldn't take it seriously, and I refuse to simply wear a chastity device and a diaper at night, it does nothing to change me, and doesn't develop the FLR at all. The actions which surround those things do.
Going back to when we decided to give chastity a try in the beginning I remember her making one mistake, which I think set the course for failure; she gave in on a brutal "break in session". I was in two thick diapers, plastic pants, suppositories and fed baby food laced with laxatives and vast amounts of fiber. She had planned to start on a friday evening and leave me chained in a small crawl space she turned into a cage, listening to her wav files for 24 hours. She was doing this to try and get me quickly into sub space and let me know she was serious. It was hell being in there, hell. When she let me out every 4 hours to stretch after hour 8 I begged not to go back in and stay the night, it was hell, my diaper had turned it into a gas chamber...she gave in and let me sleep in the bed, chained to it, yet she gave in. I think that's where the fault was because I didn't take her seriously.
So I didn't send the device back to mature metal, rather I took the long blunt anti-pull out pin and and a dremel and modified it to the criss cross pattern yet sharper. Today is my first day back in, if I try and pull any way, it will cut me. If it does come out, it isn't going back in. So until I order the arch, for her wedding gift, this will do. I'm not sure how long it will last, part of me doesn't want it to, part of me does. I'm currently laying in bed, penis is killing me from this new anti pull out pin, I asked her to diaper me earlier and she wouldn't, hoping she does soon so the cage will come off. Which I know it linking comfort to diapers, which is sad in my current state of mind. They say actions speak louder than words, so I suppose time will tell if she takes the reins and steers this down a road of me becoming submissive.
She just came back into the bed room and removed my cage, after some deliberation (I don't know why she deliberates) my diaper leaked into my diaper cover last night, I'm now sitting in two Abri Form M4 X plus diapers, and they will remain on apparently until tomorrow at 5:30. I don't work tomorrow and she does, so she will be leaving the locking diaper covers on me during the day.
Its now friday morning, she just left for work...sadly for me I ended up messing these diapers five minutes after she left...looks like I get to clean the whole house with filth around my waist today...only seven more hours until she's home.
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