Hypnosis, Thoughts, and one tired sub

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday was Mistress caught me in boxers, stupid mistake. I put them on when I went to go see friends since I was wearing basketball shorts; not wanting to flaunt my white and black thong I chose an old pair of boxers. I told myself to remove them when I got back home, and I forgot. Which was why she reddened my ass so bad yesterday, and it put her in a very aggressive mood for the remainder of the evening. Awakening this morning she was not happy I hadn't "messed" my diaper, despite the fact it was soaked through and through. "I think it's time for you to go into diapers 24/7, its the only way your going to become fully dependent on them" she said as she woke.  Shuttering that thought away I found myself reflecting on something she stated last night, which kind of bugged me. I don't want to be her cuckold, yet I feel in time its inevitable and the signs are painted on the wall; A.) "your not going to have sex with me again"  B.) "your going to be sleeping in a crib every night, not next to me anymore" C.) Her making me suck her strap-on and progressively training my hole to take larger dildos and plugs.  D.) Her wanting a milking machine so she wont risk me feeling pleasure during a monthly milking. E.) "soon your cage isn't coming off anymore, your going to have to learn to wear it and your diaper" F.) When I was pleasuring her with the strap on she said "its just not the same as the real thing, sorry but you can stop". And Lastly what she said last night "I need to get you an isolation hood and a mask, I have to stop viewing you as my boyfriend and start seeing you as my slave, the mask will move this along much faster".  I felt hurt, worried, and concerned why she doesn't want to see me as her boyfriend. When I repeated it back to her she said that wasn't what she meant. But that reply did not satisfy me, and reminded me of when Mobico asked his wife the proverbial question "Do you view me as your husband or your slave?". I over think everything and I know I just need to sit back and ride this train, after all it was I who introduced her to chastity, I just never thought we'd come this far, and we still have along way to go. I know hundreds of guys out there would KILL to be in my shoes, but it's not all fun and games. Though I did notice I'm not as horny today, I think I may of had a wet dream since my balls no longer ache, guess I need to check the diaper.

None of this, this evening.

She is wanting alot of new items, so I asked her to prioritize them for me last night and she said she wanted the crib within the week, then the hood, then a highchair, then the machine, then the maxcita straight jacket. To me this sounds like a cocktail for a miserable slave!  Add to the list the items I will be adding to surprise her with; the new corsets, jewel designer butt plug, and the steel collar I found, One she can actually leave on me full time when I'm not in public since I'm sure she's going to start leashing me soon when ever she makes me start crawling around.
When I went home for lunch I didn't eat, instead I cleaned like a mad man, or, girl? So I would have less to do this evening. It's actually 2:00pm now as I'm typing this first part of the blog, I plan on cleaning like crazy when I get home from work. Clean whole house quickly and not do it in heels, plugged, and chains? Yes please! Wonderful conversations continued today with the Mistress I referenced yesterday, I'm excited to tell Mistress that she's really nice and I think they will hit it off. Its SO NICE to be able to talk to someone about it other than Mistress's "coach" and get insight into a domme. Another local Mistress gave me permission to message her slave, I've yet to do it though.
Well It's now a little after seven, I messaged the other submissive and I think were off to a great conversation! I continued to talk with the Mistress who lives close, and she's really helped me with alot of the mental roadblocks I've put in place through this process. She's also taken alot of concern away from exposure and humiliation today. One thing she stated was she thinks I need much more hypnosis, to help continue to solidify my training and transformation; she stated it's obvious it's working on me. I truly am thankful for our long conversation today, it's nice to talk to someone who is as kind, real, and honest as she is! I thought about it and asked myself the question "If she was sitting in our living room with Mistress would you be embarrassed to serve them in your maid outfit, or her seeing Mistress do anything to you?" The answer quickly came to my head "no I wouldn't". I think the reason I feel this way is because she understands the lifestyle, and a sub missives place in the whole scheme.  Now, I don't know if that day will come where her and Mistress become close enough where she begins the visit, I hope it does but thats not what was comforting. The notion that there are others in the local community with her same outlook is comforting. "You'll never meet a group of more open minded people.." she said, and that's comforting. I've been cleaning since the minute I got home and its time to prepare dinner, be back soon!
The floors look amazing and I cooked a wonderful meal, I also made sure I welcomed Mistress properly when she got home ;)  I cleaned like I was insane this afternoon, the amount of sweat pouring off of me you would have thought I was mowing the lawn! It was SO hot for some reason. I rushed to the grocery store and got home just as Mistress was arriving. I finished dinner and we enjoyed our meal, I sat on the floor and proceeded to clean the kitchen when I was done, granted its still not clean I made a huge mess during dinner. Before I started cooking Mistress had me lay down on the bed naked, she contemplated putting me in my uniform, the opted to go ahead and diaper me for the evening and putting an apron on me for while I cooked.  I hate it when she gets home so late in the evening; I know she's unwinding from the day and the last thing she wants to do is train or think of all the rules she has to enforce. So I do understand, yet its SO FRUSTRATING when Im on these long chastity stints; because I feel like we've only had one day of solid training and involvement since my business trip got in the way earlier this week. The only reason I harp on wanting her to be consistent and to start enforworth it. When she's consistent and I go into "sub space" then I don't think about chastity, getting off no longer matters, all that matters is pleasing her and making her happy. I want that to be constant! And I know it can, and I know in time it will. I just have to be patient, on the day I make enough money to tell her to quit her job, I will cry tears of joy because she truly does work so hard and is underpaid just as many people are in this economy. Any ways after I cleaned the kitchen she was in the bedroom setting up the restraints for a hypnosis section. She hadn't done one in awhile, but before leaving the room she took the gag and made a new hole in the belt "Since you like to try and spit this out, I'm going to make it to where you can't even get it out of your mouth" was all she said as she tightened the ball gag to a painful tension. My mouth still hurts like hell. For two hours I listened to hypnosis files, I laid there and hoped a certain file would come on, "chasstity" is it's title, it takes me to such a happy place and I feel it has made the biggest impact on me, yet it never came. I tried to tell her before she started and she just walked away. I came out of my trance and didn't say a word as she turned on the lights and removed my restraints and blind fold. It was a very interesting vibe I was feeling. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to sleep I just wanted to stay there. Even after I got up I didn't shake this feeling until about thirty minutes later, and it left me overly tired. My limbs are aching from the chains, she pulled them as tight as she could. Need to get some rest, not sure if tomorrow will be full of fun or not. I suppose we'll see!
cing all of the rules, being strict and never breaking her role (though I know when that day does come I will want these days back) is that it makes the massive waves of frustration that chastity is bringing to my mind every minute

I kind of had sex! And a photo of Mistress...

Apologies for the short post yesterday, but I was frustrated, and suppose in someways I will be until things fall into place for good I suppose. Work today was long again, we're wrapping up alot of projects which means a very stressful intense eight hours...and there's no kink to it! I got home today and tried to enjoy myself since today was one of the days where I got home three hours before she did. I didn't take a nap, and the house was in pretty good order so I put a few things away and got it looking good. Mistress had text me earlier in the day telling me to be in my heels and uniform when she got home, and to properly greet her. She called around eight and I was sitting at my desk working on one of my hobbies; which it seems I never get time to do. She asked if I was in my uniform and I told her no, which led to a five minute chew out from her and how to not even cook dinner since I wouldn't be eating and would be punished for the remainder of the night. I told her to calm down, and that I was simply giving her a hard time and I was in fact in my uniform. She calmed down and got off the phone, and I rushed to put my uniform on. When she finally arrived I greeted her at the door...knelt...kissed her hand (I thought it was her ass, or maybe her foot? Im not sure she only went over it once and that was weeks ago, its no wonder Mobico was so good at his commands...he got practice!) After she got home she came into my office and we had an odd discussion on something which was bugging her; how I always make excuses. In my mind do my excuses matter? Why does she take them into consideration if shes the one in control? I suppose that is why I don't understand why she gets so upset. She actually ended up cooking dinner, she wanted me to finish what I was working on. When dinner was done I went ahead and sat on the floor next to the couch, I suppose she was happy she didn't have to ask. When the Kitchen was clean I went into the bedroom and laid down as instructed.

A picture of Mistress's ass I took last night before bed.

You know the drill; Posture collar and gag locked on, hands chained to the bed spread wide and my hypnosis files began to play. The first file was one which aimed at the listener obsessing and longing to worship the female ass, longing to get off at the thought of serving them, but never able to. I like this file, it really turns me on; while it was playing she blindfolded me and wrapped a scarf around my eyes so I could not see. Removing my chastity device she began playing with me, edging me while she inserted a good size butt plug into me (I was shocked at the size after, I thought it was the smallest plug we had... it wasn't! Guess I'm getting used to being filled). She teased me for thirty minutes as the hypnosis files played on, before she got out her vibrator and filled me with it, her teasing became more intense. I thought she might get the strap on out, and was hoping she would since it's collecting dust. Any way it did not come, and the teasing continued. After an hour of teasing and me squirming against the vibrator, wanting it to go deeper, yet it seemed she didn't get the picture, she decided to change things up.
One thing I will say about Mistress is she likes to learn things the hard way. She knows other dominants put there subs in two condoms and apply numbing cream if they feel in the mood for sex and want to use their slave to obtain it. In her mind two condoms would be enough where I couldn't feel anything...she was wrong, and I was happy. She slid the condoms on me, and I thought she was simply using them to collect my cum since shes begun saving it. Then, heavens gates opened when she slid onto me, my dick was jumping with joy and my body with pleasure "You've missed that so much, its finally happening". "You said we weren't having sex again" I muffled through the large ball gag.... "You have two condoms on and a big cock is vibrating in your ass....this isn't sex" she replied. She rode me slowly for about five minutes, once she got off several times she crawled off and finished me off by hand. All the while the vibrator still buzzing away inside me, she was attempting...ATTEMPTING to give me a ruined orgasm, my guess is due to she has not learned how to milk me with a strap-on, it takes practice...shes not patient. When I got off I finally felt amazing, happy, relieved, and completely out of subspace. She undid my restraints and diapered me promptly, telling me to make her tea for bed. I thanked her for what she did;  "Wait, that felt good? How'd you feel that?" she said. I told her she paid the cost for not using numbing cream, and she should learn what milking is, and how to do it.  Frustrated she got ready for bed, and I laid down for the night. Today was better than yesterday, but I wonder if it's simply because she knew I was frustrated? I know this process takes time, and I'm willing to be patient...but when your making your submissive listen to hypnosis files about worshiping asses, strap-ons, and obeying your every command...exercise the commands of the hypnosis before they loos their mind!  My wetting is increasing significantly, and I'm starting to walk in heels well, sometimes I forget I'm in them. I have this strange want for my uniform to be complete so it doesn't look so ridiculous; like hair, smooth skin, etc... hopefully in time she will complete it, and me. Im ready for more changes, I just want them to come. I know life is going to change drastically, I just wish it would get here.

Debbie.

Heels hurt!

A very long day at work, was made even longer due to my lack of sleep last night. My sleep deprivation was not brought on by any evil doing of Mistress, rather the animals were making alot of noise. Between the symphony of the cat and the annoyance from the dog sleep was not in my forecast. It did not help receiving a text after I left the house telling me to be in my outfit cleaning when I got home, I knew I was going to be exhausted and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. After an eight hour meeting of site I returned to my office around 3:30 in the afternoon. Thankfully my boss walked in and told me to head home, since my whole team had a long day. Im in consulting, I'll leave it at that. When I got home I could not sleep, I just wanted a nap, but sleep would not come. A friend called and asked me to help him out, and tired as I was you can't ignore bestfriends, you'd want them to do the same.

When I returned Mistress had already arrived home, she told me to shower so she could get me dressed, and to not use the toilet. Well...I had to go, so I went ahead and "thought" I got it out of my system. After scrubbing away she walked into the bedroom and told me to lay down. Chastity device came off, after flicking my stuff for a few minutes she handed me a fleet suppository and said "Put it in, go ahead." Once I was diapered she proceeded to put me in my uniform; thigh high fishnets, garter belt, three overly fluffy petticoats, my maids skirt, apron, the new corset like top she got me and finished it with with the 6 inch heels. "You really do look good, by the way". She said with a smirk, she could not stop smiling. I suppose it's a good thing I'm in shape. Im not one of those over weight guys running around in a skirt trying to look dainty, thats simply ridiculous, find a treadmill, ok I'm off my soap box. I proceeded to clean the house while Mistress ran an errand, though she was back surprisingly quick (good thing I behaved). About that time I felt a pain in my lower gut, and with that the diaper became quite full. I also noticed it was very wet, and I didn't recall going, I suppose it's becoming ingrained to just go. While I was cleaning I was also preparing dinner while Mistress did her nails on the couch. "Your getting really good at walking in your heels! Good Job!" she stated. I grumbled under my breath, and continued scrubbing away. I served her dinner and joined her on the couch...odd I thought she's not saying anything, it seems the small things still aren't being enforced unless I tease her how she's forgetting them. Though she hasn't spanked me in a week I thing (something she said would be daily) hasn't broken out the strap on in awhile (something she said would be daily) and hasn't done a whole lot of bondage other than chaining me to the bed (something she said would be daily.) Im sure it will kick in soon. After dinner she told me to go clean the kitchen, after struggling through due to the pain in my feet and the horridness of walking around in your own filth I sat next to her and said it was done. "Lets get you changed for bed"    Dreams do come true!   I was so excited to get a fresh diaper, I didn't care she was putting me in another one, I just wanted this one off. Laying me on the bed she told me to put my ass up and she began taking pictures, then came the change. It's still embarrassing but only when I mess, I think its gross she wants to change me, I know its only to humiliate me. She really needs a changing table, we'd use it like crazy. Once I was freshly diapered she had me do a few more small chores then I broke away and worked on something I wanted to do, which was nice. Sadly though I wet as soon as she put the new one on, and I'm trying really hard not to "go again"...she can tell, and keeps laughing about it. Apparently she's going to start making me another outfit, and purchase more babyish plastic panties, it seems shes begun to embrace "regressing" me when she wanted no part in that at first. Oh well, whats another thing to be subjected to? No files today though! Yay!  I know I said I would post the links tonight, but I must rest, so I apologize, I will tomorrow, I promise. 

Sweet dreams, hoping for a wet one, Im getting horny again....

Debbie