Ever growing, Ever learning...

I don't think my weekend vacation will look like this...

This lifestyle truly is a journey of up's and down's! I think the longer we're on this journey the more we learn and grow. It feels like the development of this lifestyle is bubbling more and more with each passing day, and I'm excited to see where it takes us. This evening Mistress had to stay late for work, I had dinner ready when she got home and after greeting her properly we talked and enjoyed dinner. She needed to work on a few side jobs so she went ahead and spanked me with the crop for my continued bad behavior. Followed by diapering me and locking me in my ankle cuffs with a two foot chain between them, with my heels on of course. It's funny because I'm still struggling to get into a submissive state, and staying there. Which is why I know deep down as does she going to someone who does not see "there boyfriend" when they look at me is going to be the best thing for me. I basically need a weekend of hell, to the point where I go crawling back to Mistress, never wanting to upset her so she never sends me back to that person again. It's motivation really, and with the proper motivation I am capable of amazing things....I'm a driven person, so this will be no different. I've had people message me with concerns of going into a strangers home and being under there control for a weekend with no way to leave.  Let me clear the air; first off Mistress would have been in conversation with this person, also Mistress would have met this person and chatted. Only after then if she felt comfortable would this happen. So please don't think she's shipping me away to be sold into the argentinian sex trade, thats not happening. At least then I might be able to actually get off?! Ha Ha. She's talking to a few whom I have found, but one in particular has kind of stood out and Mistress began communication with her tonight. Mistress has mentioned going to multiple people over the course of this growing process for me through submission. The one she messaged today had a lite conversation with me about what her "making me crawl back to Mistress would entail" bondage, beat, abuse, leave me there...repeat. Which I think is exactly what Mistress is looking for.  Will the person get enjoyment out of this? Sure or they wouldn't do it. But this is more about me coming back to Mistress a melted ball of submissive goo.    It seems like I'm anxious for this to happen, because I am, but not in the way you might think. I will get no pleasure from this, I'm in chastity anyway! The pleasure I will get is the submission I will feel towards Mistress when I return. This will be good for me in essence, because Mistress is still developing as a dominant herself, me being a better submissive will make this process easier for the both of us. Another question I received was "why wouldn't your mistress be there"and the answer is simple actually; I wont see my girlfriend, she wont see her boyfriend it would simply be me as a slave, and a dominant, and thats all we see each other as. No other emotions get in the way, its simple me being treated like I should be. I hope this clarifies some of the concern, don't be concerned! Pray it happens soon so I can get better! As I've stated in many of my blogs I love my Mistress dearly, and I want to be the best I can be at this for her.  The two week period we were shooting for is still high hopes, since I will be traveling alot come the end of September, and I don't think I can wait longer to be a great slave. I have faith it will come through, though I'm scared of it happening I know it will be for the better. Also hoping Mistress develops several friends out of this process in the lifestyle so she can relate to someone in person.
These truly are the most open people you will find in the world and I'm excited about the friendships I'm making through this process. It brings people from all walks of life together, and that's an awesome thing.

Debbie

Affirmation...it's not a game.

Im coming to terms with diapers.

It may seem like we are never at home on the weekends, though I can assure this is not the case all of the time. Lately we have been gone an oddly strange amount, that's changing now. We spent the holiday weekend with Family, well sunday and monday anyway. Awakening sunday morning Mistress was not happy I hadn't messed my diaper, but this was haulted by the fact we needed to get on the road. Driving too our destination we took two cars, I received a text from Mistress B asking if I was plugged, I replied with a hesitant "...no?". She told me she though sissies should be plugged all during the day, to make them more submissive and get them use to having things up there ass....or something like that. I can tell you that was NOT a piece of advice I was passing along to Mistress, though she more than likely already recommended it to her. We enjoyed our get away and I asked Mistress B one question later in the day, if my time with her during training would be only under her roof, or if I would be leaving the house at all. Looking back I almost wish I wouldn't have asked that question. "Some in public, you need to get use to them" was her reply. Use to what I asked, which she stated "your diapers, you need to get use to wearing them 24/7 which is what your Mistress wants, this includes public". Great, one of my biggest fears...diapers in public, I want nothing to do with it! I'm a slim guy, if my pant's are puffy everyone will know, my waddle will be very obvious. "I truly wish you would re think that, I don't want to be exposed or humiliated, I don't want others to know I'm diapered ma'am" (I HAVE to address her as Ma'am and Mistress as Mistress in all communication or it adds 10 spankings to my first punishment session with her...I'm up to 81 apparently, though I think the count is off...my opinion doesn't matter).  "Thats why it's going to be fun! You'll be extra submissive which is where your Mistress needs you".   I enjoyed the day with Mistress, I'm so lucky to call her mine, and even lucky enough to begin the journey to serve her. She truly is stunning, she has a glow about her when she smiles that reinforces why I want to be with her forever when I see it. Laying in bed she had already grabbed a diaper out of the suitcase and put it on me, I was cuddled up next to her when I asked her, as nicely, as sincerely as I could... "Please don't send me to Mistress B....she's alot meaner than you, I think it's going to be a nightmare".  "No, your going, its for sure now...don't ask me again, you need to go" was all she said. Even today it became more evident, they were texting a lot, and it was obvious. Sitting on the floor eating dinner when we finally returned home Mistre
ss giggled and kept smiling when she was looking at her phone, she said "diapers in public!" in a bubbly voice, and I knew my fears had been reaffirmed. Though I'm scared do not think Mistress is crossing a hard limit, she's not. She has few limits (she knows I'd never do anything homosexually related, and she would never make me do that) but other than that she has full control. If I truly wanted to stop this process I could look her in the eye and make it end, but I see how much happier she is now. After dinner she told me to lay on the bed, she inserted the medium plug in me and put on my black thong to hold it in. "Come on, across my lap now" she said sitting on the edge of the bed with a wooden spoon in hand. I didn't even fight it, it would have been pointless.
"You were bad this weekend" as she spanked me after each of the following statements.
-Yes Mistress  I replied.
"You did NOT call me Mistress, you are to do that EVERY Time"
-Yes Mistress.
"You did not behave and you weren't respectful"
-Yes Mistress (the blows began to multiply between statements)
"You are to always hold the door for me and allow me to enter first, anywhere, anytime, no questions!"
-Yes Mistress

I understand why I must be kept in chastity now.

"You are to listen and not sigh when I ask you to do something"
-Yes Mistress (now my ass is glowing and each strike is causing me to squirm)
"You are to do whatever I say immediately with no hesitation"
-Yes Mistress
The statements stopped and the spanking continued for a few minutes
"You understand why I'm sending you to Mistress B?"
-Yes Mistress
"It's going to be hell! this spanking is going to seem like massage!"
-Yes Mistress with pain in my voice
"Your going to be sleeping standing up chained in a closet! So fun!"
-Yes Mistress
"She's not going to put up with your attitude, your ass will be raw!"
-Yes Mistress
"Do you understand what I've said sissy?"
-Yes Mistress
She left me across her lap, gently rubbing my bright red bottom. She held me for a minute then told me to get to cleaning and report back when I was done. In the middle of my attempt to shine the kitchen, she put the posture collar on me, as if the plug wasn't bad enough. An hour passed and I was done. I really needed to use the rest room but she simply replied "too bad" and ignored me. She then took me into the bedroom and told me to prepare the chains on the bed for my hypnosis files. Chaining my arms to the bed (I might add when she plugged me, she put my heels on me, they are still on) she pulled them tight, blind fold which was wrapped again to ensure darkness, and my files began being pumped into my head. The files were some I hate, because I'm an ass guy, Mistress's ass is perfect and large...the good kind of large, shes not overweight by any means. The file was focused on building a stronger ass fetish for any women I see, yet not being allowed to get off. It played on loop for what seemed like hours. When she finally turned it off I was so happy to be out of the darkness. I got up and stretched and immediately wet my diaper without thinking about it, then I messed without giving second thought.   "What was that" I thought... I walked by the window in the kitchen and looked at myself in the reflection... heels causing my ass to stick out, legs straight, diaper wrapped around me. "This is life now, this is what your becoming...at least it looks...kind of cute?" was what rushed through my mind. It's sad how scared I am of changing, I'm becoming more submissive daily, more dependent on her daily...and training truly hasn't begun. I don't think it will until she sends me to Mistress B's. Mistress said she will have my first weekend training planned and a date by mid week more than likely, and its possibly as close as the coming weekend.  When Mistress had me across her lap, Its clear shes growing much more confident. And my spankings tonight did not count towards my total tally for Mistress B's... She's still going to spank me for not addressing Mistress properly as well.

Goodnight, I hate falling asleep in a very diaper.
Debbie.

Morning sex, Bedtime sex

"Come right back to the bed, I feel like having sex sissy..." was the first thing Mistress said to me through my morning grogginess. I was taken back, she was breaking out the strap on at crack of dawn...well four hours after the sun rise. She didn't use the big dildo, but she had me bent over the bed for about ten minutes, it felt pretty good, the small one always does. I've noticed she never does me very long, I'm sure this will change in time, as my hole becomes more receptive to receiving things. She did not take me right away, my diaper was rather soaked and she wanted me to stay in it for awhile while I cooked her breakfast. She also took pictures of my diaper and sent it to her acquaintance I believe. After cooking a wonderful breakfast and she finished pounding me, she spanked me for my continuing of being bad. It was nothing is specific I believe, just in general behavior she hasn't been happy with. This is not surprising given my overall resistant  the past few days. We spent the day visiting an old friend of mine and returned home around 9pm. She told me she had some things she wanted to do before we laid down for the evening. "Im going to fuck you again, get ready on the bed, your cage is staying on". I didn't argue, though I wanted to... I just wanted to be put in my diaper and left alone. One thought on the diapers are they are becoming a safe place for me; I'm not in chastity in them, she can't stick anything in me or spank me...they are kind of nice, not to mention kind of comfy, I'm growing to like them a lot which I know was her intention. When she makes me dependent on the diapers I'm dependent on her...  But my diaper didn't come on, and after she mounted me from behind with the smaller dildo, she went into the bathroom and put on her large one. The smaller one had been cleaned and was shoved into my mouth for me to suck on while she forced the large one into me. I'm still not use to this monster, I feel so different when it's thrusting into me, violated, scared, waves of pleasure and my mind races. What ran through my mind tonight was is the only point of her training me on dildos only going to be reserved for her dominant pleasure? Or does she have underlying plans for the far future where she wants me to be prepared?! I can't see her "whoring me out" but she has joked about it numerous times. I know I'm just thinking crazy. The session went on for about 20 minutes, and I wanted it to end so badly. When it was finally over she let me sit on the toilet rather than diapering me immediately; for which I was very thankful. When she doesn't let me, I go to bed feeling used. But I'm in my diapers and panties now, she also has been MUCH more stern on me calling her Mistress every time I speak to her, she said she was keeping count to tell her new dominant friend.  An update on that field; Mistress said she wasn't sure when that was going to happen since apparently schedules aren't alligning. The three week window might not be met sadly, but then again it may work out, so we'll see. If Mistress B can help me become a better slave to my Mistress, I want to do it as soon as possible...because I hate letting her down. I want to take this seriously for her. I want to be the best sissy in the world, for her. I want to obey and listen and do as I'm told, yet I'm having a hard time breaking down these barriers in my mind. I hope schedules align so it happens in the next three weeks so I can start serving my Mistress to the best of my ability.  Going to spend the holiday with Family, will be back Monday night.  Thanks for reading, please ask any question you like.

Debbie

Hypnosis, Thoughts, and one tired sub

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday was Mistress caught me in boxers, stupid mistake. I put them on when I went to go see friends since I was wearing basketball shorts; not wanting to flaunt my white and black thong I chose an old pair of boxers. I told myself to remove them when I got back home, and I forgot. Which was why she reddened my ass so bad yesterday, and it put her in a very aggressive mood for the remainder of the evening. Awakening this morning she was not happy I hadn't "messed" my diaper, despite the fact it was soaked through and through. "I think it's time for you to go into diapers 24/7, its the only way your going to become fully dependent on them" she said as she woke.  Shuttering that thought away I found myself reflecting on something she stated last night, which kind of bugged me. I don't want to be her cuckold, yet I feel in time its inevitable and the signs are painted on the wall; A.) "your not going to have sex with me again"  B.) "your going to be sleeping in a crib every night, not next to me anymore" C.) Her making me suck her strap-on and progressively training my hole to take larger dildos and plugs.  D.) Her wanting a milking machine so she wont risk me feeling pleasure during a monthly milking. E.) "soon your cage isn't coming off anymore, your going to have to learn to wear it and your diaper" F.) When I was pleasuring her with the strap on she said "its just not the same as the real thing, sorry but you can stop". And Lastly what she said last night "I need to get you an isolation hood and a mask, I have to stop viewing you as my boyfriend and start seeing you as my slave, the mask will move this along much faster".  I felt hurt, worried, and concerned why she doesn't want to see me as her boyfriend. When I repeated it back to her she said that wasn't what she meant. But that reply did not satisfy me, and reminded me of when Mobico asked his wife the proverbial question "Do you view me as your husband or your slave?". I over think everything and I know I just need to sit back and ride this train, after all it was I who introduced her to chastity, I just never thought we'd come this far, and we still have along way to go. I know hundreds of guys out there would KILL to be in my shoes, but it's not all fun and games. Though I did notice I'm not as horny today, I think I may of had a wet dream since my balls no longer ache, guess I need to check the diaper.

None of this, this evening.

She is wanting alot of new items, so I asked her to prioritize them for me last night and she said she wanted the crib within the week, then the hood, then a highchair, then the machine, then the maxcita straight jacket. To me this sounds like a cocktail for a miserable slave!  Add to the list the items I will be adding to surprise her with; the new corsets, jewel designer butt plug, and the steel collar I found, One she can actually leave on me full time when I'm not in public since I'm sure she's going to start leashing me soon when ever she makes me start crawling around.
When I went home for lunch I didn't eat, instead I cleaned like a mad man, or, girl? So I would have less to do this evening. It's actually 2:00pm now as I'm typing this first part of the blog, I plan on cleaning like crazy when I get home from work. Clean whole house quickly and not do it in heels, plugged, and chains? Yes please! Wonderful conversations continued today with the Mistress I referenced yesterday, I'm excited to tell Mistress that she's really nice and I think they will hit it off. Its SO NICE to be able to talk to someone about it other than Mistress's "coach" and get insight into a domme. Another local Mistress gave me permission to message her slave, I've yet to do it though.
Well It's now a little after seven, I messaged the other submissive and I think were off to a great conversation! I continued to talk with the Mistress who lives close, and she's really helped me with alot of the mental roadblocks I've put in place through this process. She's also taken alot of concern away from exposure and humiliation today. One thing she stated was she thinks I need much more hypnosis, to help continue to solidify my training and transformation; she stated it's obvious it's working on me. I truly am thankful for our long conversation today, it's nice to talk to someone who is as kind, real, and honest as she is! I thought about it and asked myself the question "If she was sitting in our living room with Mistress would you be embarrassed to serve them in your maid outfit, or her seeing Mistress do anything to you?" The answer quickly came to my head "no I wouldn't". I think the reason I feel this way is because she understands the lifestyle, and a sub missives place in the whole scheme.  Now, I don't know if that day will come where her and Mistress become close enough where she begins the visit, I hope it does but thats not what was comforting. The notion that there are others in the local community with her same outlook is comforting. "You'll never meet a group of more open minded people.." she said, and that's comforting. I've been cleaning since the minute I got home and its time to prepare dinner, be back soon!
The floors look amazing and I cooked a wonderful meal, I also made sure I welcomed Mistress properly when she got home ;)  I cleaned like I was insane this afternoon, the amount of sweat pouring off of me you would have thought I was mowing the lawn! It was SO hot for some reason. I rushed to the grocery store and got home just as Mistress was arriving. I finished dinner and we enjoyed our meal, I sat on the floor and proceeded to clean the kitchen when I was done, granted its still not clean I made a huge mess during dinner. Before I started cooking Mistress had me lay down on the bed naked, she contemplated putting me in my uniform, the opted to go ahead and diaper me for the evening and putting an apron on me for while I cooked.  I hate it when she gets home so late in the evening; I know she's unwinding from the day and the last thing she wants to do is train or think of all the rules she has to enforce. So I do understand, yet its SO FRUSTRATING when Im on these long chastity stints; because I feel like we've only had one day of solid training and involvement since my business trip got in the way earlier this week. The only reason I harp on wanting her to be consistent and to start enforworth it. When she's consistent and I go into "sub space" then I don't think about chastity, getting off no longer matters, all that matters is pleasing her and making her happy. I want that to be constant! And I know it can, and I know in time it will. I just have to be patient, on the day I make enough money to tell her to quit her job, I will cry tears of joy because she truly does work so hard and is underpaid just as many people are in this economy. Any ways after I cleaned the kitchen she was in the bedroom setting up the restraints for a hypnosis section. She hadn't done one in awhile, but before leaving the room she took the gag and made a new hole in the belt "Since you like to try and spit this out, I'm going to make it to where you can't even get it out of your mouth" was all she said as she tightened the ball gag to a painful tension. My mouth still hurts like hell. For two hours I listened to hypnosis files, I laid there and hoped a certain file would come on, "chasstity" is it's title, it takes me to such a happy place and I feel it has made the biggest impact on me, yet it never came. I tried to tell her before she started and she just walked away. I came out of my trance and didn't say a word as she turned on the lights and removed my restraints and blind fold. It was a very interesting vibe I was feeling. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to sleep I just wanted to stay there. Even after I got up I didn't shake this feeling until about thirty minutes later, and it left me overly tired. My limbs are aching from the chains, she pulled them as tight as she could. Need to get some rest, not sure if tomorrow will be full of fun or not. I suppose we'll see!
cing all of the rules, being strict and never breaking her role (though I know when that day does come I will want these days back) is that it makes the massive waves of frustration that chastity is bringing to my mind every minute

Milking Machine?! Really?!

The machine (clip from video which inspired her)

Another busy day with vanilla life, work was hell and it ended even worse than the entire day. I made a huge mistake which was all my fault, and it caused no damage to anyone other than my own sanity. I was furious I let my guard down on a task and it's going to make for a terrible day tomorrow, and a crazy busy one at that. I had many errands to do once I arrived home, I looked for a note from Mistress and could not find one so I mowed the lawn and took care of a few things. This morning I awoke with a very messy diaper from multiple sources, I told her it was messy in shame, she smiled through her sleep as she changed me and grabbed a white and black thong for me to wear as she clicked my chastity device on. Back to this afternoon, she arrived home around 8:00pm and I cooked dinner as she vanished to work on a project for a client due tomorrow. She didn't put me in my outfit, diaper me, train, hypnosis, bondage, none of that. I was relieved and sad all at the same time, a strange feeling. Yet I think it's relevant; Im so much more submissive and in my role when she's consistently strict; yet life has a way of creeping in. It still feels "dumb" when she tells me to kneel, or blurts out a position when she hasn't trained in four days. Or we haven't done anything in four days, which I know will change. I just hope it comes soon for my sake, it makes this process so much easier. I cooked dinner yet it turned out awful, I barley ate it...Im normally a good cook, I take pride in that, but I was off my game tonight. After dinner I crawled in bed and had a wonderful conversation with another Mistress who lives a few hours from us, it was really nice to be able to talk to someone about my

Slaves in a funnel gag, she pours his cum back into him as it comes out...

feelings and get her point of view. As you can tell I was lazy today, I didn't clean really, cooked a terrible meal, and did none of the things she told me a week ago she wanted me to do daily. When she realized this she gave me a terrible spanking, and the only reason she stopped was her hand was hurting her (good thing she didn't grab the spoon). She lectured me on how bad I was, and said it ended tomorrow and we go back into full mode. I hope she's right, I need it if Im going to be better at this. Mistress also began discussions with several other female dominants in our area, so it's nice to know she will soon have friends.
When she laid me down to diaper me she turned me over again and spanked me, during this she told me to explain the machine (her coach messaged me this morning and tasked me to help her find out what machine this certain Mistress was using to automatically milk her slave). I found out it was a special medical device, and she ordered one. My Mistress stated she thought it was a good idea to go ahead and purchase one, so I plan on it this weekend. Im so horny right now I wish we had it! I hope I have more to say tomorrow! Good Night

Debbie

The awakening of Mistress

I.am.exhausted. Reading back over Mobicos tale The Real Feeling of Chastity I understand why he was always saying he was so exhausted. Why he struggled to post on a daily basis, or even a few times a week since he learned to value sleep more than anything. If today was any indication of how my schedules will be in the future, I too am going to learn to value sleep deeply. Today started out as any other, with the exception of Mistress having the day off. I arrived home a little after four from a busy day at the office. She was outside on the phone so there was no greeting her, when she came in she told me I had one hour starting now which was "Debbies time" and then I was hers. I didn't eat lunch so I decided to cook some food and eat, which took up all of my hour. I could tell she was acting different, a little more assertive and confident when she told me to read over a sheet of paper laden with notes she had written. They were some general "house keeping rules" on what she now expects, along with some instructions for the day. She also had another stack she told me not to touch, there were alot of notes and it was clear she had been very busy today. She stated she spent the whole day preparing, researching and making plans for me. She told me to strip and lay down on the bed, she disappeared into the bathroom and told me to stand in the tub. "It's time to make sissy smooth again" applying Veet to my entire legs and ass. She paid much more attention this time and within twenty minutes my leg hair was gone. Rubbing lotion over my newly smooth skin she admired her work and smiled, by the way I was gagged the whole time, she gagged me as soon as my hour was up. Half way through the hair removal process she removed my gag shoved a dildo in my mouth and told me to suck on it while she finished...this was new.
When she was finished she began to dress me in my maid attire, stating how she would be making me a much fluffier more sissy like petticoat for my uniform, she wants my ass exposed the entire time apparently. Instead of a diaper she put on my red ruffled panties, thigh highs and my tall heels completed my uniform, so I thought. "Are you ready to look pretty?" she said, leading me into the bathroom she sat me on the toilet and shaved my face from the days growth. Then came a huge shock...she got out her make up boxes...this can't be happening. For the next twenty minutes she loaded my face up with various eye liners, foundation, mascara, things I had no clue what they were, and finished with bright red lipsticks. "Your going to make a beautiful girl, you look great" she said laughing. I looked in the mirror and was shocked at what I saw...It didn't look like "me". Yet she wasn't done with her art project, she then sat a red long wig atop my head, tucking in my hair. "I look like reba on meth" I said, I got the gag again. Then she led me to the living room, where the next phase of the night began. "It's time for you to take this seriously, no more laughing at my commands, were starting training now, and we will do these commands for weeks, or months, however long it takes you to do them perfect". I suppose she's not kidding. The first command she told me was simple, so I thought..."kneel". I knelt on the ground in front of her and she corrected me. "Knees together, toes pointed back, ass on heels, back straight, neck straight, chin level with ground, fingers together, hands on thighs pointed towards your knees".   Well...damn, this isn't simple. We did "kneel" twenty times. Each time her having me stand up and do it again. Next was "Punishment position" which was "Knees on the ground, shoulder width apart, face on the floor, hands over my head, dress and petticoat pulled up exposing me ass, wait for punishment". Then came "worship" same as kneel except my arms stretched out, face on ground, touching her feet. Then came "Corner" which was me standing in designated corner, nose to the wall, hands behind back, straight as an arrow, feet together. Followed by "Slut" which was the same as punishment position except on the bed, panties down. The spread eagle which meant for me to lay on the bed limbs spread to the corners. "Crawl" was me crawling making sure to shake my ass as hard as I could with each movement forward, more walking instructions....and I was beat. We did each move over and over, she would slap me with her crop for things not being perfect. "You did surprisingly great sissy, good job".
I then served her dinner, sitting on the floor beside her eating my own meal, the break did not last long. She had me clean the bathroom, kitchen and fold a monstrous pile of clean clothes, 3-4 loads. When then ran to the store to pick up a few things, she removed my outfit of course. And lectured me on my ride how the excuses and back talk must stop, which is why I would be gagged when she is home from now on. When we returned I was looking forward to laying down and relaxing for the evening, I did not want to do anything to make her mad since things seemed to be going well. My expectations of relaxation were wrong. She told me it was diaper time, removing my chastity device and diapering me led to the next phase of this oh so long day. Rope bondage, she kept talking about how she was to deploy bondage on a more regular basis, so she practiced various knots on me. We watched some tutorial videos and I helped her start building her rope skills. "It's ten o'clock, we have to lay down now" I thought inside my head. Nope. I was wrong.
Laying in a wet diaper she said it was time to take the diaper off. "But why?" I asked, lesson I need to learn...stop asking questions. Once I was naked she returned from the bathroom with my night mare...the biggest strap on we have hanging between her legs. "No, please, no...not that one" I pleaded. "Your going to learn to love this one, then we'll get a bigger one! It's four times the size of you!" I was scared. She crawled on top of me and began making me suck on the large dildo, gagging me as she laughed.
At that point I wish she had taken anal training more seriously so my hole would be more prepared. Cuffing my ankles to the spreader bar, she began to enter me as I moaned in pain. This dildo is huge, 8 inches long and very thick, She barley got it in and could tell I wasn't ready. She ripped it out and returned wearing the 6 inch long normal dildo. "You like this one, and your going to love the other one soon sissy, your going to love cock in your ass". For the next twenty minutes she fucked me non stop, my waves of exhaustion were inhibiting me from enjoying this. I just wanted it to end. By the end of it I knew I was loose, I could have taken the big one I imagine. She returned and slid the clammy cold wet diaper back under me taping it on and returning my plastic panties over it. "Good job today Sissy, you did good".
I'm not sure what got into her, but it seems she has awakened, and I'm wishing it would't of happened so soon. She told me to give her the list
of other Mistresses in our area tonight so she could find other female dominants. The night was a blur, she did so much to me, I was moving constantly and all I know is my feet are killing me from the heels, my hole is sore, and I do not like make up. At least I'm laying in bed. She keeps mentioning making my night time diapers more absorbent "They leaked out the side while she was changing me this morning before work". I don't know why I keep using my diapers so much. I can't sleep without them. Im actually packing for a business trip and I'm taking one for each night.  Im scared at what tomorrow will bring, but I promise you I'll update daily as long as people continue to comment on my post and follow my blog. It takes alot out of me at the end of a long day to type these long entries, but I want to fill a void and provide a view into the world of FLR, chastity and sissification for those of you longing for a Mistress of your own, and those fortunate enough to relate. Thanks for reading, it means alot.

One tired Sissy,

Good night.

I kind of had sex! And a photo of Mistress...

Apologies for the short post yesterday, but I was frustrated, and suppose in someways I will be until things fall into place for good I suppose. Work today was long again, we're wrapping up alot of projects which means a very stressful intense eight hours...and there's no kink to it! I got home today and tried to enjoy myself since today was one of the days where I got home three hours before she did. I didn't take a nap, and the house was in pretty good order so I put a few things away and got it looking good. Mistress had text me earlier in the day telling me to be in my heels and uniform when she got home, and to properly greet her. She called around eight and I was sitting at my desk working on one of my hobbies; which it seems I never get time to do. She asked if I was in my uniform and I told her no, which led to a five minute chew out from her and how to not even cook dinner since I wouldn't be eating and would be punished for the remainder of the night. I told her to calm down, and that I was simply giving her a hard time and I was in fact in my uniform. She calmed down and got off the phone, and I rushed to put my uniform on. When she finally arrived I greeted her at the door...knelt...kissed her hand (I thought it was her ass, or maybe her foot? Im not sure she only went over it once and that was weeks ago, its no wonder Mobico was so good at his commands...he got practice!) After she got home she came into my office and we had an odd discussion on something which was bugging her; how I always make excuses. In my mind do my excuses matter? Why does she take them into consideration if shes the one in control? I suppose that is why I don't understand why she gets so upset. She actually ended up cooking dinner, she wanted me to finish what I was working on. When dinner was done I went ahead and sat on the floor next to the couch, I suppose she was happy she didn't have to ask. When the Kitchen was clean I went into the bedroom and laid down as instructed.

A picture of Mistress's ass I took last night before bed.

You know the drill; Posture collar and gag locked on, hands chained to the bed spread wide and my hypnosis files began to play. The first file was one which aimed at the listener obsessing and longing to worship the female ass, longing to get off at the thought of serving them, but never able to. I like this file, it really turns me on; while it was playing she blindfolded me and wrapped a scarf around my eyes so I could not see. Removing my chastity device she began playing with me, edging me while she inserted a good size butt plug into me (I was shocked at the size after, I thought it was the smallest plug we had... it wasn't! Guess I'm getting used to being filled). She teased me for thirty minutes as the hypnosis files played on, before she got out her vibrator and filled me with it, her teasing became more intense. I thought she might get the strap on out, and was hoping she would since it's collecting dust. Any way it did not come, and the teasing continued. After an hour of teasing and me squirming against the vibrator, wanting it to go deeper, yet it seemed she didn't get the picture, she decided to change things up.
One thing I will say about Mistress is she likes to learn things the hard way. She knows other dominants put there subs in two condoms and apply numbing cream if they feel in the mood for sex and want to use their slave to obtain it. In her mind two condoms would be enough where I couldn't feel anything...she was wrong, and I was happy. She slid the condoms on me, and I thought she was simply using them to collect my cum since shes begun saving it. Then, heavens gates opened when she slid onto me, my dick was jumping with joy and my body with pleasure "You've missed that so much, its finally happening". "You said we weren't having sex again" I muffled through the large ball gag.... "You have two condoms on and a big cock is vibrating in your ass....this isn't sex" she replied. She rode me slowly for about five minutes, once she got off several times she crawled off and finished me off by hand. All the while the vibrator still buzzing away inside me, she was attempting...ATTEMPTING to give me a ruined orgasm, my guess is due to she has not learned how to milk me with a strap-on, it takes practice...shes not patient. When I got off I finally felt amazing, happy, relieved, and completely out of subspace. She undid my restraints and diapered me promptly, telling me to make her tea for bed. I thanked her for what she did;  "Wait, that felt good? How'd you feel that?" she said. I told her she paid the cost for not using numbing cream, and she should learn what milking is, and how to do it.  Frustrated she got ready for bed, and I laid down for the night. Today was better than yesterday, but I wonder if it's simply because she knew I was frustrated? I know this process takes time, and I'm willing to be patient...but when your making your submissive listen to hypnosis files about worshiping asses, strap-ons, and obeying your every command...exercise the commands of the hypnosis before they loos their mind!  My wetting is increasing significantly, and I'm starting to walk in heels well, sometimes I forget I'm in them. I have this strange want for my uniform to be complete so it doesn't look so ridiculous; like hair, smooth skin, etc... hopefully in time she will complete it, and me. Im ready for more changes, I just want them to come. I know life is going to change drastically, I just wish it would get here.

Debbie.

Sex in my new role, and I enjoyed it?

Well, tonight was interesting... but...my balls are no longer aching! I had to attend a funeral this evening, Mistress was forced to stay late at work, which is why she did not go with me. I got home around 8:00pm and we sat down and ate dinner she had prepared. I wouldn't say she' the best cook, but on certain things; she will blow me out of the water. I do most of the cooking now, which is ok seeing as I truly do enjoy it. She's still working on building her memory, this became evident since she didn't say anElena's Hypnosis files, Mistress is a big fan. You get in a trance after Elena takes you under, and her words are the only thing you focus on, it's creepy). The files began to play, it was one I have not heard before which consisted of feminization, humiliation, worshipping strap on's and sucking cocks, and being a good girl for your Mistress. About thirty minutes in I feel the bed move as she climbed on, then my mind was literally fucked. Mistress began inserting the dildo from her strap on into my rear, in and out...in and out...then she attached a vibrator to the end, my body began shaking with the shoots of pleasure coming from an unlikely source. This culminated with the hypnosis file telling me how I need to only use my holes for pleasure, how I need to worship other strap on's or cocks, and embrace the fact I'm now a sissy sent my mind on a whirl wind of emotions. Then she began stroking me; all the while pushing the dildo deeper and turning the vibrator up; this sent me over the edge.
ything when I sat on the couch to eat (she normally makes me sit on the floor and eat). I assumed she simply wasn't in the mood to indulge in activities tonight. After about an hour she told me to strip and be ready for her in the bedroom. "Are you ready for more of your files sissy?!" she asked mockingly, she knows I can't stand them, but more worrisome is the fact that she knows there working. And tonight they would take me on one crazy ride. She left my chastity device on, and began chaining me tight to the bed limbs spread to each corner. "Don't you dare mess yourself since your diapers off" she stated as she began to pull my limbs tighter securing them with the click of a padlock around the leather cuffs. "It would be in your best interest not to talk, one word and the gag goes on for the night, this isn't a game." I decided after the events of last night I should take her seriously. The headphones went on as well as the blind fold, followed by more fabric wrapped around my eyes to ensure no light entered (I suppose she will need a hood soon). The files came on and I began to fall into the depths of my mind (If you've never listened to hypnosis files go check out
My mind kept flashing images of me; dressed as a slut with my Mistress over me taking me with her strap on, images of me with fake breast, make up, a wig dressed to a tea on display in bondage, images of me being put to bed in a cage in the corner of the room, then the realization that I was enjoying the dildo in my rear alot more than I expected, I also realized I had been pushing down so it would go further. These thoughts are shocking kind of, and I don't know what to make of them right now. All I know is in the moment, I wanted more and I thought to myself if this is sex now...your going to enjoy it. She continued to stroke me more and more, after words she told me she was telling me to "let her know when I was about to cum" but she didn't think about the fact I could not hear and could not see what she was saying. I was so lost in the moment, focused on each wave of pleasure coming from multiple places. She kept stroking faster and faster and I kept pushing the dildo mumbling deeper, she pulled out the dildo and inserted her larger vibrator quickly into my hole...after a few deep thrust I couldn't contain myself... the pleasure was simply to great and I cam into the towel in her hand. She left me there, with the vibrator still deep in me for twenty minutes. I was high from the pleasure, I wanted more. The files ended and she removed my battery powered new friend and diapered me very tight. After unchaining me she told I was going to fuck her, I was very confused. Then she strapped the strap on over my diaper and told me to get to it. "You finally get to fuck me with a real dick, are you excited? Your in a diaper, and you've already wet it... how pathetic you are." I climbed on top of her and began to do what she ask, she came very fast. "Get used to this, its the only way your going to fuck me." she said closing in content.  Now I'm sitting here in a very wet diaper which is very comfortable, feeling very relieved that I got off, even if it was by accident. I haven't experienced that much pleasure in along time. The emotions I felt and the pleasure from my ass are still confusing. But I'm not scared to move forward, I trust her, I love her. If I have to be a slave, I'd only want her to own me. She told me that soon my chastity device won't be coming off anymore, that I'd have to get used to sleeping with it on under my diaper. I'm nervous about this, but I understand that it's what must happen. Thanks for reading, and sharing my journey. Changes are happening, who know's where I'll be in a few months.

Debbie

The reason for this Blog

When I first created this blog, I had a vision in mind. Not only would it serve as entertainment to those longing for this lifestyle, a sounding board for those living it, an insight into a submissive's mind for dominants and a journal to record our path. I also wanted to create something else; the reality of FLR, chastity, submission and ACTUALLY bringing into our everyday lives. Mobico's The real feeling of Chastity is an excellent look into the life of a submissive in a true 24/7 relationship built out of a marriage, but in my eyes it has one major flaw... His wife does not permit him posting or has no clue it exist, this is where my blog is different. My wonderful partner knows, and reads this blog, she encourages it.. her blog can be found a few post back if your interested. She understands I need a place to post my thoughts without repercussion, a place where I can talk with others privately. So I can assure you this blog will not vanish in a few months when the relationship is in high gear, I might even be punished for not posting! Far too often the internet is filled with stories of fantasies crafted inside the mind of those longing for them to become reality, yet more often than not they never will. Extreme stories of massive forced feminization, sissies of female hormones, cuckolding with no thought, permanent servitude and chastity devices welded shut... though there are situations in the world like this, they are rare. This lifestyle does not simply happen over night, despite the fact I'm horny right now due to being locking in my Mature Metal Jail Bird, the clicking of a lock is not a magical gong which changes the mind to automatically obey all of your dominants commands. I can attest to this, it's going to be alot of training, work, and punishment for my Mistress to be able to mold me into a "sissy". It's going to take a long time locked up for her to begin changing my thoughts that having her cock in my rear is "sex" and the only way I am to "get off", and along time with something filling me for this feelings to be associated with pleasure. My ass will glow red for weeks before I quickly hit the floor and crawl to my next chore when she commands. And it will take time for me to no longer question and resist that I'm not allowed to use the toilet in the home anymore, I still do when she's not here, I try my best not to "fill" my diapers at night so I don't have to sleep in my own mess. The resistance of the mind take time to knock down. Nothing is automatic... not even this lifestyle. That's why I'm dedicated to this blog, to provide a real life approach to the hows, whys and reasonings of the struggles day to day.  Do I believe in six months I'll be feminized where I could almost pass, dependent on my diapers, glowing with joy when she pulls her strap-on out, and scrubbing the house top to bottom without question and a smile on my face? More than likely...a year from now? Without a doubt.  My Mistress has no want to cuckold me, she has no want to be with another man...will this change? I'm not sure. Am I ok with it? Not now...in a year? No telling what I'll thing after these transformations and when I call a dog cage my home. All I know is I'll do what I do now on a much grander scale...worship the ground she walks on, because I love her more than anything.
There will be days of no action... no intense post on a daily basis of being paraded through a mall in thick diapers with a plug in my rear with my Mistress describing to the attractive sales lady why she needs a dress just big enough so my diapers peak out. (though that may happen, I'm simply saying don't expect in daily, be
cause thats not reality). So I apologize if this is not the most intense sex blog on the web, but I can promise you, you will see the reality of the growth of a relationship of a dominant women, and a submissive. I will post again this evening after our dinner and my chores. Thanks for reading, please follow!

Debbie

Learning my place in the relationship

Monday morning had arrived and my diaper was full, Mistress was very pleased as she removed it and put my chastity device back on for the day. “Good boy” she cooed again, “Im very proud of you, you need to do that everytime your in your diaper, soon you won’t be using toilets anymore once I figure out what kind of daytime diaper to buy for you so you can wear them to work”.  Well that’s some great news to start your day huh? She told me she would be home around five, left me no specific instructions other than I had to plug myself as soon as I go home, and keep it in until she took it out.  I got home a few hours before she did, plugged myself with the medium plug and laid down to take

a nap with my panties holding it in place (she threw away all of my boxers). I woke up an hour later with the strange urge to want to make her proud; I quickly cleaned the whole house then returned to her bathroom. Suddenly I got the idea of wanting to make her proud again, so I attempted to plug myself with her largest plug to better prepare my “hole”. I had no luck getting it in, so I began to look at other ways to get ready. She had made it pretty obvious she would be “fucking me” tonight, I knew even though I hated being plugged, it would make sex a lot easier for me…the lesser of two evils? She had told me get out her largest dildo for her harness “King Kong” is its nick name. It’s 7 inches long and a few inches around, it’s a really good size, though I know she’ll be getting larger ones as my training progresses. I attempted to stick King Kong inside me to see how bad it hurt; pretty bad was the outcome, though I knew I would survive.

When she got home she immediately checked to make sure I was plugged, satisfied we sat down and ate dinner, which followed by a surprise for me. She led me into the bathroom and explained it was time for me to lose all of my body hair. I literally got sick at the thought, I’m a guy, my legs have hair…my chest has hair…my ass, well you get the pattern. She then covered everything in Veet, I couldn’t believe she was making me hairless! It didn’t really hit me until she began scraping it off with the tool. What lied underneath was smooth skin, for the first time in my remembering life. I was shocked. “Sissies aren’t hairy, you have to be sexy, your arm pits are soon”. I really couldn’t comment much, I think this really hit me that she was very serious about feminizing me as much as she could. She had joked about getting me fake silicone breast which glue on, I never took those comments serious until now. “You’ve always had a great ass, but damn it looks good now”. She continued to compliment her work. I looked at my reflection in the mirror “From the back down, from behind you look like a freaking girl!” I thought silently to myself, you have no hair, your wearing a thong, your ass is showing off a pink plug…what have you gotten yourself into.

“You look so sexy, get on the bed now” she firmly stated. After applying lotion to my new skin, she attached my ankle cuffs to a small 14inch spreader bar, then attached my cuffed wrist to the middle of the bar; I was laying on my back “Hog tied” if you will. Wrapping her hands around my thighs she pulled to the edge of the bed, so she could have full access to her “sissy hole” as she continued to call it.” Removing the plug she blind folded me and asked if I was ready. Explaining how she was not going to gag me this time because she may want some of my feedback. Looking back I wish she would have. She positioned herself in front of my rear, I could hear the lube spreading before she entered me. I realized she wasn’t using “King Kong” rather a smaller dildo, about the size of my actual cock. I failed to mention she removed the chastity device as well.

About two minutes into her being inside me, she began to pick up the pace, and all the while grabbing my cock and stroking me rhythmically while she continued to pound me. I was lost in a see of pleasure, it began to feel so good, I didn’t understand the feelings. Granted I’m horny as all get out despite the fact its only been five days. She continued, “Does this feel good”

“Uh…huh” was all I could stumble to get out.

“Do you want to get off?”

“Yes please” I said.

“Do you like me fucking you”

“Yes I do, can I please get off??!!”

“No.” she said calmy.

Then I made my fatal mistake, I tried to top from the bottom…a big no no. I started begging for anything, even a ruined orgasm. She poured more lube on my cock and got a little too much; she noticed it but I made the mistake of telling her she messed up. Right there she pulled out of me, said alright that’s enough… “You just couldn’t shut up and now it cost you, into the shower, then into your diaper and off to bed”.

I was so freaking mad! Then it started to hit me “You just got made because she wouldn’t jack you off while SHE was fucking YOU”. “That felt somewhat good???” What’s happening to me?

Tuesday was uneventful, typical chores and hypnosis files followed by another evening of me in a soggy diaper. Falling asleep with my face in her ass (which I don’t mind, she has a perfect ass, I mean perfect) she reminded me to plug myself when I get home Wednesday afternoon. I know she’s going to get the strap on out again. I just can’t grasp…am I looking forward to it? Or dreading it? We’ll see tonight…

Sissy Debbie