Ever growing, Ever learning...

I don't think my weekend vacation will look like this...

This lifestyle truly is a journey of up's and down's! I think the longer we're on this journey the more we learn and grow. It feels like the development of this lifestyle is bubbling more and more with each passing day, and I'm excited to see where it takes us. This evening Mistress had to stay late for work, I had dinner ready when she got home and after greeting her properly we talked and enjoyed dinner. She needed to work on a few side jobs so she went ahead and spanked me with the crop for my continued bad behavior. Followed by diapering me and locking me in my ankle cuffs with a two foot chain between them, with my heels on of course. It's funny because I'm still struggling to get into a submissive state, and staying there. Which is why I know deep down as does she going to someone who does not see "there boyfriend" when they look at me is going to be the best thing for me. I basically need a weekend of hell, to the point where I go crawling back to Mistress, never wanting to upset her so she never sends me back to that person again. It's motivation really, and with the proper motivation I am capable of amazing things....I'm a driven person, so this will be no different. I've had people message me with concerns of going into a strangers home and being under there control for a weekend with no way to leave.  Let me clear the air; first off Mistress would have been in conversation with this person, also Mistress would have met this person and chatted. Only after then if she felt comfortable would this happen. So please don't think she's shipping me away to be sold into the argentinian sex trade, thats not happening. At least then I might be able to actually get off?! Ha Ha. She's talking to a few whom I have found, but one in particular has kind of stood out and Mistress began communication with her tonight. Mistress has mentioned going to multiple people over the course of this growing process for me through submission. The one she messaged today had a lite conversation with me about what her "making me crawl back to Mistress would entail" bondage, beat, abuse, leave me there...repeat. Which I think is exactly what Mistress is looking for.  Will the person get enjoyment out of this? Sure or they wouldn't do it. But this is more about me coming back to Mistress a melted ball of submissive goo.    It seems like I'm anxious for this to happen, because I am, but not in the way you might think. I will get no pleasure from this, I'm in chastity anyway! The pleasure I will get is the submission I will feel towards Mistress when I return. This will be good for me in essence, because Mistress is still developing as a dominant herself, me being a better submissive will make this process easier for the both of us. Another question I received was "why wouldn't your mistress be there"and the answer is simple actually; I wont see my girlfriend, she wont see her boyfriend it would simply be me as a slave, and a dominant, and thats all we see each other as. No other emotions get in the way, its simple me being treated like I should be. I hope this clarifies some of the concern, don't be concerned! Pray it happens soon so I can get better! As I've stated in many of my blogs I love my Mistress dearly, and I want to be the best I can be at this for her.  The two week period we were shooting for is still high hopes, since I will be traveling alot come the end of September, and I don't think I can wait longer to be a great slave. I have faith it will come through, though I'm scared of it happening I know it will be for the better. Also hoping Mistress develops several friends out of this process in the lifestyle so she can relate to someone in person.
These truly are the most open people you will find in the world and I'm excited about the friendships I'm making through this process. It brings people from all walks of life together, and that's an awesome thing.

Debbie