A personal diary of the adventures, trials, challenges, and love of a Female Led Relationship from the submissive's point of view. 24/7 365, This is our story
Monday, November 4, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Why on earth am I letting this happen to me?!
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| I need thicker for night time, maybe this? |
I suppose I want to take this post to explain myself due to a conversation I had this morning when another local domme messaged me and asked me a question. The question can be simply put as "Why on God's earth do you let her do all of these things to you?!". I think it's important to explain my position her as to extinguish any fears or concerns certain readers might have down the road. We love each other, like alot...it's almost humorous. We've both been very faithful to each other, and have lived a healthy relationship for several years. So why then do I let her somewhat abuse, humiliate, degrade, beat, punish, and ridicule me day in and day out? Why on earth do I let her subject me to these humiliating circumstances? Am I crazy? No. So why then have I agreed to this process when it's been so terrible being in my shoes thus far (and the funny thing is the worst and hardest parts haven't even begun)?
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| Getting Mistress a fitted steel collar soon |
Debbie
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
"Sooooo...what if I decided to cuckold you...."
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| I don't want to sleep in there... |
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| I don't want to not get to have sex....I really don't wanna be sitting in a diaper watching Mistress get it! |
So that's where we are, Monday and today I've spent all my time at home cleaning and helping her control her finances and map out a plan for her financial goals. I apologize it's not the most exciting update, but I feel this is an important part of the process. She cannot fully focus on becoming a better domme if she has all of these underlying stresses in her life. So no, I don't view this as a set back. Rather this is how progress is going to happen! She did bring up something...interesting though. She asked me the other night how I would feel if she cuckolded me in a few years, I told her I viewed it as cheating. "You'd be present, in your crib, in your diaper....it wouldn't be cheating", I was so puzzled why she would ask me that. "I thought you weren't interested in that..." I asked cautiously, she replied with "I'm not right now, but I may be... don't worry thats a ways away and we'd be married then, lets get your diaper on sissy." And that was the last she said of it.
Debbie
Saturday, September 7, 2013
"Your such a baby...no wonder I keep you in diapers".
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Chastity stayed on, I was still diapered at night, and I was still doing things for her, but it was a lovely break. Last night Mistress wanted to have some fun, and my horniness levels were through the roof so she rubbed my cock with numbing cream so we could have "vanilla sex". Well before she put the multiple condoms on she decided to rub my cock and balls with Icy Hot to make it even harder for me to get off. All I can say is I'm so glad I wasn't chained to the bed as she had originally planned. I've never felt that much pain in my life down there! I had to run to the bath tub to wash my balls off, she was not happy. "Your such a baby....you were going to get to have sex with me and you just blew it....rinse it off and get on the bed so I can diaper you, seems you just reinforced my choice to keep you in them, such a damn baby". she said. We'll that wasn't nice I thought, I was not happy at my predicament and sat on the bed pouting. "Stop pouting, I know your diapered and act like a two year old but that doesn't mean go all out!" she snapped at me. I laid down to go to sleep as she softly said "enjoy your rest, soon you little dick will be kept in it's device even when your diapered, it won't be coming off anymore...now be a good sissy and fill your diapers for me by morning or else." She passed out and I got out of bed since it was early, I know soon when she gets the crib set up I won't have the freedom to venture off. Then it hit me like a rock; I messed without thinking about it... I was so frustrated on multiple levels and now having to sleep in my own filth was added to the equation. I was not very happy to say the least. She cooed and praised me this morning for making a mess "aren't you excited to start diapers 24/7?! your puffy butt will waddle in public, everyone will think it's adorable!" I'm scared about this, thankfully I did not go to Mistress B's this weekend, Mistress didn't get to meet up with her and I'm very glad I didn't have to. Hopefully I won't have to go there since public diaper humiliation was going to be her focal point for the weekend. Mistress is talking to several dommes still, so I know it's only a matter of time, she referenced how badly she needed to break me in again last night. I'm not sure what's on the agenda for the rest of the day, but I promise I will let you know this evening. At least the crop hasn't been broken out for a few days, I'm sure it will pay me a visit tonight, as will her strap on. Thanks for reading, I promise I will post this evening even if it involves hours of hypnosis.Debbie.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Ever growing, Ever learning...
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| I don't think my weekend vacation will look like this... |
These truly are the most open people you will find in the world and I'm excited about the friendships I'm making through this process. It brings people from all walks of life together, and that's an awesome thing.
Debbie
The past few days
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| She needs some practice on aiming with a crop. |
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| 24/7 is happening soon...not happy about that |
Debbie
Monday, September 2, 2013
Affirmation...it's not a game.
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| Im coming to terms with diapers. |
ss giggled and kept smiling when she was looking at her phone, she said "diapers in public!" in a bubbly voice, and I knew my fears had been reaffirmed. Though I'm scared do not think Mistress is crossing a hard limit, she's not. She has few limits (she knows I'd never do anything homosexually related, and she would never make me do that) but other than that she has full control. If I truly wanted to stop this process I could look her in the eye and make it end, but I see how much happier she is now. After dinner she told me to lay on the bed, she inserted the medium plug in me and put on my black thong to hold it in. "Come on, across my lap now" she said sitting on the edge of the bed with a wooden spoon in hand. I didn't even fight it, it would have been pointless.
"You were bad this weekend" as she spanked me after each of the following statements.
-Yes Mistress I replied.
"You did NOT call me Mistress, you are to do that EVERY Time"
-Yes Mistress.
"You did not behave and you weren't respectful"
-Yes Mistress (the blows began to multiply between statements)
"You are to always hold the door for me and allow me to enter first, anywhere, anytime, no questions!"
-Yes Mistress
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| I understand why I must be kept in chastity now. |
-Yes Mistress (now my ass is glowing and each strike is causing me to squirm)
"You are to do whatever I say immediately with no hesitation"
-Yes Mistress
The statements stopped and the spanking continued for a few minutes
"You understand why I'm sending you to Mistress B?"
-Yes Mistress
"It's going to be hell! this spanking is going to seem like massage!"
-Yes Mistress with pain in my voice
"Your going to be sleeping standing up chained in a closet! So fun!"
-Yes Mistress
"She's not going to put up with your attitude, your ass will be raw!"
-Yes Mistress
"Do you understand what I've said sissy?"
-Yes Mistress
She left me across her lap, gently rubbing my bright red bottom. She held me for a minute then told me to get to cleaning and report back when I was done. In the middle of my attempt to shine the kitchen, she put the posture collar on me, as if the plug wasn't bad enough. An hour passed and I was done. I really needed to use the rest room but she simply replied "too bad" and ignored me. She then took me into the bedroom and told me to prepare the chains on the bed for my hypnosis files. Chaining my arms to the bed (I might add when she plugged me, she put my heels on me, they are still on) she pulled them tight, blind fold which was wrapped again to ensure darkness, and my files began being pumped into my head. The files were some I hate, because I'm an ass guy, Mistress's ass is perfect and large...the good kind of large, shes not overweight by any means. The file was focused on building a stronger ass fetish for any women I see, yet not being allowed to get off. It played on loop for what seemed like hours. When she finally turned it off I was so happy to be out of the darkness. I got up and stretched and immediately wet my diaper without thinking about it, then I messed without giving second thought. "What was that" I thought... I walked by the window in the kitchen and looked at myself in the reflection... heels causing my ass to stick out, legs straight, diaper wrapped around me. "This is life now, this is what your becoming...at least it looks...kind of cute?" was what rushed through my mind. It's sad how scared I am of changing, I'm becoming more submissive daily, more dependent on her daily...and training truly hasn't begun. I don't think it will until she sends me to Mistress B's. Mistress said she will have my first weekend training planned and a date by mid week more than likely, and its possibly as close as the coming weekend. When Mistress had me across her lap, Its clear shes growing much more confident. And my spankings tonight did not count towards my total tally for Mistress B's... She's still going to spank me for not addressing Mistress properly as well.
Goodnight, I hate falling asleep in a very diaper.
Debbie.
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