The reason for this Blog

When I first created this blog, I had a vision in mind. Not only would it serve as entertainment to those longing for this lifestyle, a sounding board for those living it, an insight into a submissive's mind for dominants and a journal to record our path. I also wanted to create something else; the reality of FLR, chastity, submission and ACTUALLY bringing into our everyday lives. Mobico's The real feeling of Chastity is an excellent look into the life of a submissive in a true 24/7 relationship built out of a marriage, but in my eyes it has one major flaw... His wife does not permit him posting or has no clue it exist, this is where my blog is different. My wonderful partner knows, and reads this blog, she encourages it.. her blog can be found a few post back if your interested. She understands I need a place to post my thoughts without repercussion, a place where I can talk with others privately. So I can assure you this blog will not vanish in a few months when the relationship is in high gear, I might even be punished for not posting! Far too often the internet is filled with stories of fantasies crafted inside the mind of those longing for them to become reality, yet more often than not they never will. Extreme stories of massive forced feminization, sissies of female hormones, cuckolding with no thought, permanent servitude and chastity devices welded shut... though there are situations in the world like this, they are rare. This lifestyle does not simply happen over night, despite the fact I'm horny right now due to being locking in my Mature Metal Jail Bird, the clicking of a lock is not a magical gong which changes the mind to automatically obey all of your dominants commands. I can attest to this, it's going to be alot of training, work, and punishment for my Mistress to be able to mold me into a "sissy". It's going to take a long time locked up for her to begin changing my thoughts that having her cock in my rear is "sex" and the only way I am to "get off", and along time with something filling me for this feelings to be associated with pleasure. My ass will glow red for weeks before I quickly hit the floor and crawl to my next chore when she commands. And it will take time for me to no longer question and resist that I'm not allowed to use the toilet in the home anymore, I still do when she's not here, I try my best not to "fill" my diapers at night so I don't have to sleep in my own mess. The resistance of the mind take time to knock down. Nothing is automatic... not even this lifestyle. That's why I'm dedicated to this blog, to provide a real life approach to the hows, whys and reasonings of the struggles day to day.  Do I believe in six months I'll be feminized where I could almost pass, dependent on my diapers, glowing with joy when she pulls her strap-on out, and scrubbing the house top to bottom without question and a smile on my face? More than likely...a year from now? Without a doubt.  My Mistress has no want to cuckold me, she has no want to be with another man...will this change? I'm not sure. Am I ok with it? Not now...in a year? No telling what I'll thing after these transformations and when I call a dog cage my home. All I know is I'll do what I do now on a much grander scale...worship the ground she walks on, because I love her more than anything.
There will be days of no action... no intense post on a daily basis of being paraded through a mall in thick diapers with a plug in my rear with my Mistress describing to the attractive sales lady why she needs a dress just big enough so my diapers peak out. (though that may happen, I'm simply saying don't expect in daily, be
cause thats not reality). So I apologize if this is not the most intense sex blog on the web, but I can promise you, you will see the reality of the growth of a relationship of a dominant women, and a submissive. I will post again this evening after our dinner and my chores. Thanks for reading, please follow!

Debbie

Working out the "Kinks"

One of the most important things in my eyes through this process is the ability to be able to discuss things, just as we were able to before diving head first into this lifestyle. I believe that is going to be pivotal to our success. Work has been rather busy this week, for Mistress and myself, after arriving home from work yesterday I was very edgy, and simply wanted to get my chores done and go meet up with a good friend. She had a client coming over (no, she's not an escort, its her little business pertaining to clothes) and had to rush to make some last minute changes to the garment. Well after going and seeing my friend and coming home and finishing the yard work, I was about as wore out as you could be and had a few things on my mind. While my shower warmed I asked her to please sit down on the bed so we could talk...I asked more than a dozen times and it ended with her getting frustrated and angry, for no apparent reason. Stress is something I have learned to cut out from my life, and I'm a much happier person because of it and I'm trying to teach her those skills.
Mistress leads a busy life, both in and out of the home. By the end of the day small things can set her off...and I'm normally her target. This is not something new, it almost led to our undoing over a year ago. And I hate seeing her so stressed, not because she takes it out on me, but because I love her to death and stress is something avoidable if you know how to handle it. Stressing takes years off your life; it's proven! So I've been trying to help her cope with it and remove it from her life all together, last night I think we had a big break through, and I fully think it's going to help her out in all aspects of her life, not simply chastity. After I took a shower I sat on the couch and ate dinner, and told her what I wanted to talk to her about was very serious, and wasn't something I wanted to wait for. "If I tell you I truly need to talk to you, it's important". Her demeanor changed and I could tell she knew I was serious. We discussed why she gets so mad, and how to deal with it. She's more focused on trying to figure out what is stressing her than just not worrying about those things in the first place. The conversation was a good one, one which I'm glad we had. We discussed her not taking out problems and vanilla stresses on me via the lifestyle, and how that was a huge red flag, ultimately she understood where I was coming from and agreed. There was no training or play other than being diapered before bed, as always. And that was ok by me, these "kinks" are important to work out and it's best to get them out of the way now. Just as in anything, building a foundation is the most important thing we can do right now.
On a side note I think I may have had a "wet dream" not sure, haven't had one in over 10 years. But when I woke up the other morning, things felt, well sticky and I had lost all my horniness...which is somewhat sad since the build up is the only thing which drives me to be better.
She told me to be in my maids outfit when she gets home, I have some chores I need to do and some work outside which is not planned. I'm going to text her and let her know I plan on working on the back yard, so if I'm not in uniform it's because I'm out back making our weekend easier.

Will update this evening before bed.

Deb

How is this fair?!

This is where wearing diapers in public is NOT fair! Women can pull it off, other than the noise people may think she has a large ass. Now I know there are situations such as the picture of the girl in white shorts in my prior post where it's quite obvious, but I feel women can get away with it much easier! In jeans anyway. As you can tell this might be my biggest fear right now, and for some reason I can't shake the thought. Any one have any experience? The acceptance of my diapers continues, last night Mistress told me I would start wearing them as soon as I get home rather than waiting until bed time, she's frustrated because I haven't fully "used" them at night in awhile. The night she put me in Isolation she placed two diapers on me, that was the only time I felt embarrassed about wearing them. Something about the thickness made me feel really low, and very submissive. Im sure they will get thicker in time, but the Abri-Forms are very thick diapers! Im still not sure why diapers are my biggest fear, and the huge dildo in the drawer is not in the top of list, I think it roots to humiliation and being degraded. All the while forcing me to become more dependent on Mistress. Sigh...random after work thoughts, time to get a nap in!

Oh, me.

See, not fair!

The beginning of another week!

Finally back in town as of late yesterday evening! I made a trip to see some family members on Sunday and Saturday the house was full of family members helping us continue our restoration efforts. It was not a very "FLR" weekend to say the least, which was fine by me since I didn't particularly enjoy the "training" session we had last week, and apparently Mistress is buying my first set of heels this week, the first of many to be added to my closet I fear. I wanted to take the time to update you and relay a conversation I had today with Mistress's mentor, as well as fulfill the request she asked of me. Last week Mistress shaved my legs and ass for the first time, my ass has finally cleared up of the proverbial red bumps, but my legs are still on fire! It seems new bumps surface every day, to clarify it was Veet, not a razor. I don't like the thought of being hairless from the neck down, but I understand why it must happen...so if it must happen I want it to be done right, and smooth after. I suppose if the goal is to get me to feel "feminine", it's defiantly not going to happen if my legs are covered in razor burn. I think we're going to have to figure out a way to remove my hair and not irritate my skin. I know it can be done, it's simply going to take time to figure out how to do it properly. My hair is pretty thick, so removing it is a challenge.

I have a feeling it will be something along
the  lines like this.

"No one can tell, I Promise."

On another note, I may need thicker diapers, or a booster pad at nights. I've never had this problem before, the Abriform's have always held anything I have put in them, but I'm finding myself flooding them at night. From the moment I lay down until I get changed in the morning I normally wet them three times. Yet it seems I am wetting them much more than normal as of late; not sure what this means. I noticed it Sunday morning when I woke up, I got up and started wetting them again, and pee was running down my leg?! Today the same thing happened. Luckily I was standing up and not in bed (Mistress would have put me in them 24/7 if I got the bed wet). I feel like I am "use" to them, when I'm wearing them I don't even think about going, I simply just "go"... which freaks me out in some ways. In other ways it makes me realize even though there haven't been a lot of major changes yet; they are coming...and perhaps some of the biggest changes to be made will slowly happen over time. My biggest fear of all is when I am forced to make the switch to 24/7 and having to wear them under my clothes in public. I just know Mistress will make sure my shirt rides high when that happens and my pants fit tight, since the bulk of the diaper pushes your pants slightly down; it greatly increases your odds of being noticed. I think that will be her goal, and I have full faith she will make sure they are extra thick, so my waddle is just right. I have this slight feeling public diaper humiliation will be on my agenda many times before the end of the year. Thought I believe at that point I won't fight it and will simply except it if Mistress continues training aggressively. The thought of being seen like that makes my heart pump rather fast, I have a feeling my cheeks would be red the entire time, or will be red! The thought of public exposure, or any exposure makes me nervous, and it's something I've thought about alot actually. I know it's only a matter of time before it happens but I want certain things to fall in place before it does; I want training to be much more constant so I'm in a much more submissive state of mind, I want the "transformation" to be much further along so I've begun to accept my new role. We'll see if that happens, consistency is going to be key, not sure if consistency will be consistent enough. Only time will tell!

In regards to the conversation I wanted to tell you about, it was with Mistress's mentor, Amy. Mistress found Amy on chastitymansion.com through my thread in the Vault section. Amy is a seasoned veteran when it comes to the world of chastity, forced feminization, and diaper humiliation. She's been leading a FLR with her husband for over five years, not to mention she's only 28! Which makes her much more relatable to Mistress and myself since she's only a few years older. Her and Mistress were inseparable in the beginning, and their conversations would go on for weeks it seemed. Well she sent me a chat today when I got home from work and it began simple enough with her checking in since she said she had not talked to Mistress in several days. Mistress does not log into the mansion on a daily basis, unlike myself. She asked me how things were going, I sought refuge through her during the beginning phases of this process, I needed someone to talk to about my concerns and she was happy to keep our conversations to herself. Mistress does know we talk and is happy that I have a means to vent and get rid of my concerns. Amy has been a huge help to me, and may be the only reason Mistress has the confidence this time to succeed. She truly does have a wonderful heart and has given me tons of advice, such as "If your Mistress ever uses the lifestyle against you when she's angry over something vanilla, huge red flag, if she ever punishes you because she's stressed or angry about her work day, huge red flag. This is for the safety of your relationship. It's not fair for her to ever take anger out on you through this lifestyle, that's not what this is about!" When she told me that I knew she had our best interest at heart, I'm not sure if she's told Mistress that but I feel that's something very important to remember. 

Max Cita, if my ass looked like that
I might be more receptive to this
process!

Following my update that everything was fine we we're simply busy, she informed me she needed to give Mistress some notes and asked me if I was excited about getting my own Max Cita (straight jacket, a very constricting one it looks like). Mistress has brought this up many times, I know she want's one and as much as she's talked to me about it and showed me pictures...I'm starting to want one! I think it's a tool she will use regularly, and it looks rather fun!

Now that I've given you a small introduction on who Mistress's mentor is, I will tell you about our conversation. She asked if I had any current concerns, which led into a conversation about feminization and slowly transforming into a true "sissy". "Are you enjoying the strap on?" was one of the first questions she asked, I told her I wasn't yet she assured me in time I would beg Mistress for it and assured me in due time it would be my only means of actual "sex". She also asked if Mistress what emotions I felt when I had to suck Mistress's strap on, that freaked me out! "Whats the point in sucking a dildo?" She told me I needed the practice, well safe to say Mistress has not done that yet, it hasn't come anywhere near my mouth!  We also discussed my fear of public exposure, especially with diapers. She told me her sissy "Jenny" loves going out in public diapered now, and that once my feminization progresses it will be much easier, and I think I agree with that. "Once your body becomes smooth as silk, your skin is a glowing tan, your corset as giving you the perfect curve and you see yourself in the mirror with a beautiful wig and make up, I think then you will see this is truly your place...you want to look beautiful, not ridiculous". Perhaps she's right, though I think my Mistress has alot of work today before that point, as do I. Lastly she told me she sent Mistress some inspiration, which she asked for. Not entirely sure what that means yet, though I do hope the consistency picks back up (flash backs to last time), so that if we are going to do this, it gets done right. I meant to post this last night, it's now Tuesday morning. Will update tonight after training, if we have any.

A dash of normalcy...

Today was normal by the past week's standards, we celebrated this evening with a lovely meal at our favorite restaurant in town. After dinner I took Mistress to a mountain overlooking the river valley, we sat a held each other for around an hour, just enjoying each others company. It was a nice evening to say the least, I truly am lucky to call her mine...or her call me hers? Not sure... I still claim her :) Tonight was nothing more than a great reminder of why I love her so much, and why I can't wait to spend the rest of my days by her side, and at her feet. She has too work tomorrow, and I have a laundry list of things I want to get done before she gets home in the afternoon (no she didn't tell me to do these things). Im going to be out of town Sunday and I want her to be able to relax in a tidy home. Homes seem to be much more calming when everything is put in its proper place, and everything is clean as can be. I hate cleaning personally, though I've come to the realization that I better change that attitude soon! I do however enjoy the results of cleaning, to me it's the exact opposite of chastity. Chastity isn't about the release, rather the journey to the release; just like life. So all in all a normal day if you disregard the birthday spankings I received when we got home, since it was Mistress's birthday, and the thick diaper I was put in. "Are you going to fill your diaper tonight? It's the last birthday present I want. Plus if you don't your going to get a suppository before bed for the next few nights."This is a crazy ride, and I know it hasn't even begun yet.  Though the process may be moving slower than I thought it would, I know it will be here before I know it.















Debbie

P.S.Does anyone know how to locate local female dominants? Mistress is trying to find some Ladies to meet with.

Let the training begin.

I suppose in a few months I may find myself saying the events of today were normal, yet I'm still adjusting and still trying to take these changes serious. Example: when she tells me to call her Mistress, I smile when I say it, or get the urge to laugh...she does not. I came home from work today for lunch, and she had a rare week day off, normally like me she is only off on the weekends. I work close to home so I will normally come home for lunch. When I arrived she had lunch ready, which was wonderful...while eating she stated she needed to get my measurements. Mistress is very talented when it comes to design and sewing, making clothes is actually a hobby of hers. What I would find out at the end of the day when I arrived home would be just what she was making. On my way home I received a text from her stating "Your list of chores is in the Kitchen, your outfit's on the bed...see you tonight." Harmless enough right? The note was simple "Debbies Chores: Mow the Lawn, put on your sissy maid outfit, ankle cuffs (lock them), wrist cuffs, gag, then detail the Kitchen counters, clean out the fridge, clean the stove and oven, then proceed with the wood work in the house". (Doing some updating to our home).
After laying down and attempting to take a nap, which I am permitted, she knows I work hard during the day. I proceeded to go about the list, except I made one modification, I didn't lock the ankle cuffs on. She promised me she would be home around seven, when seven forty five rolled around and I had nothing to do; I removed my outfit and proceeded to put on work clothes so I could tackle the wood work which has to be done by Saturday before the painters arrive. Im a very timely person, its a small pet peeve of mine but when some one tells me a time, I expect them to be there. It's not that I wanted to disobey her, I just knew we had priorities to take care of. When she arrived home she asked the obvious question "wheres your outfit?" After explaining she too agreed we needed to get the wood work prepped and out of the way. Once finished she asked if I was ready for the evening, which I was so we proceeded to the bedroom. "Lets get you in your outfit" she stated. Wanting to admire her handy work for herself she quickly slid on a pair of red ruffled panties over my butt, followed by thigh highs, garter, white elbow gloves, a mock corset, then TWO petticoats, followed by the black maids skirt she had worked on all day, trimmed with white lace. An apron was tied on, my cuffs were locked too me. One would think I was ready; not hardly...the posture collar was put into place followed by the beloved ball gag...the joys of life. "You look so adorable...seriously, you look like a girl." she said with a huge smile on her face...she quickly hustled to her closet where she retrieved a blonde shoulder length wig. After some light protest on my part she got the wig situated. She stepped back, smiled and didn't say a word. Her face shown with approval and mine with the "this is ridiculous" look.
Sitting me on the end of the bed she slipped on a tall pair of heels, "Your training begins today, I want you to watch me and then mimic what I do." She has not bought me heels yet, its on the agenda, she paraded around the living room shaking her ass aggressively as she walked... "Your turn". Next was how to greet her when she arrives home, we repeated it over and over and over... Kneel, kiss her hand, kiss her foot, Ask her how her day was with her proper title, stand in attention ready for service". After she felt I got the hang of it, she moved on the crawling. I truly didn't think she was serious about this, she attached a leash to the chain between my legs and told me to crawl in front of her "Only sissies crawl and shake their ass, shake your ass more, More, MORE, MORE!" She made me crawl around the house for almost 15 minutes. "Do I need to get your diaper on you? will that help your ass waddle better? Crawl now!" Once this FINALLY ended she made me crawl to the bedroom. Laying me face down, chaining me to the bed, blind fold on and headphones plugged in. You guessed it...more hypnosis files on how my only pleasure is to come from a strap on. Twenty minutes into the file she flipped me over, pulled me to the end of the bed and began playing with a vibrator around my hole. Granted it's only been a week since my last orgasm, I was horny as hell. She removed my chastity device and began teasing me. Working the vibrator in and out, then she placed a large plug in me, I moaned in pain. When she returned she was wearing her strap on, and proceeded to fuck me for the next 30 minutes. It was more painful this time, more than likely due to the fact I'm still sore from the pounding she gave me a few nights ago. When she was done she laid me back on the bed, crawled onto me and sat on my face looking towards my feet. "You've been good, I know your horny... you get a ruined orgasm, now I've never done this, so when you are getting off let me know and I'll let go". I agreed and she continued to stroke me, It didn't take long for me to get to the edge...when I felt it going I muffled into her panties, she let go. Im not sure if she did it wrong...but it felt pretty good to me. (Ssshhh, don't tell). Into the shower together then into my Diaper, as I write this I remembered...I forgot to eat! Oh well, now I'm going to lay down in the comfy bed, and enjoy it while I can.

Debbie

My Mistress's Blog

My Mistress has started a blog for those of you who wish to follow. Female Dominants, Mistresses, and fellow FemDom's I encourage you to send her a message and get to know her. She's excited about this new world and is anxious to meet other like minded women. Her name here is Madam vittoria, her blog is Madam Vittorias Blog.
I will not be reading or following it in honor of her request for a place to express her thoughts and converse with other dominants privately. I know this is part of her learning process, so I will uphold this faith fully.

As for me, I will be posting my daily entry before bed time this evening. I just arrived home to a rather big surprise, looks like I will be very busy this evening.

Debbie