Well I got back in town from vacation today, it was nice to be able to spend some time with my fiancé since she's been so busy with work and wedding planning. I was anxious to get my chastity cage off, sleeping in it last night proved difficult, I'm almost ready to go ahead and get the arch, I know I will be much more comfortable once I get used to it. Well there was no talk of anything else this evening, so even though she said it's "started" to me it still feels like it hasn't. I know before too long I'll be wishing it hadn't started, but I doubt I will let those thoughts service this time; and rather embrace it as my new life, from here on out. When I think about what that entails it's hard to believe, right now anyway, that's the course I'm on. Am laying in "her" bed right now as she's started to call it, instead of a "cage". For some reason I've thought a lot about that lately, the cage which will stay in the master bedroom. I honestly think it will help me grasp this more quickly, maybe because it's submissive to sleep in a cage every night, not being able to sleep with her anymore, or very often. Or maybe it's because I know it's going to give her a huge amount of control during the night; normally the only time I'm free. In the past the night time is when I would get out of bed once she fell asleep; eat, smoke, do whatever, even get off at times because I was free to do so. Now those bad habits can't surface again, and the control levels will be much higher, which honestly will be for the best. She found her spare key today, she kept it tapped in several pieces of paper so she could be able to tell if I tampered with it. Well lets say it was clear that I had tampered with it...she was not surprised, but she was also not happy. Not sure if what she decided next had anything to do with it or not, but when she diapered me for bed, she made slits in the first one and put another one over the top of it. "Waddle time! This is my favorite, its seriously adorable... walk around for me, now" she said admiring her work. Well I did't walk around for her, didn't want her to sit there and just laugh, and I didn't get in trouble for not walking around, so I suppose all is good. Except for the fact she told me they would be staying on until tomorrow...night...when she gets off work...at...7:30pm. She put them on at 8:30pm tonight, not looking forward to that. Even then she said we can discuss when she gets home, when they will come off. I have a feeling they are going to look like marshmallows by noon tomorrow (They are Abena M4 X Plus by the way, bulky enough on there own). What worries me is how much she likes how thick they are.
I started this post the night before, yesterday came and the diaper was beyond heavy by morning, and nature called rather quickly and I was dreading spending the day in a full, messy diaper which was forcing me to waddle around the house. Thankfully she called me around 10am, she left her engagement ring at home and wanted me to bring it to her at work and do lunch with her, which meant I got to take off the diaper! I put my cage on when I took it off, I could have jacked off but I didn't... I knew it would hit my reset button in regards to me being submissive. Lunch was good, I believe if I was only in one diaper she wouldn't have let me change and made me go out diapered (something she has still yet to make me do). Anyways I tiddied up the house, no uniform or heals were required so I was thankful...though to be honest I'm ready to get all that stuff over with, I still need to order a corset for her to complete my outfit. She also expressed how she needs to start making me more outfits, so I won't wear the same one on a daily basis.
Last night while we were laying down I asked her what all she wanted, regardless of price, to make this time successful. In the past she had always said this is an expensive hobby, but this time it's different since it won't be a hobby; it will be our life. The top of her list was a cage for me to sleep in, the 54 inch long dog cage meant for german shepherds is too big she said "I don't want you to be super comfortable, the next size down will work, I can still leave you in it for long periods of time". So this week I will be buying her a dog cage, locks for the door, bedding for the bottom and it should be suitable for my new sleeping arrangements. I think this is going to have a huge impact on me mentally; and it will begin to start setting me in my place. The next thing she want's is a straight jacket (max-cita), she's explained she needs something to be able to keep me in bondage in any location; quickly. She want's a good mask, not a cheap one; there is a silicon or latex mask which has a female doll face she fell in love with when she first came across it, I'm currently looking for that. She still wants the milking machine and of course my wedding present to her; the neosteel arch or she male. She added she wants a solid leather harness for her strap on; one that will last years and a larger dildo for it.
My goal is to have all of these things to her by our wedding date which is doable. I think she needs all the tools by then, so everything goes smoothly. Im noticing though she still isn't strict, not as "dominant" as before and I really don't have any rules. Which is ok by me at this point, because I know when they come I'll pout. This morning was a perfect example; we got in a very stupid argument and I figured she would have snapped and "punished me", either with the spoon or leaving me in the dreaded "room" all day or when she got home or something. Well it didn't happen, which reinforced that this whole process...as much as she says it has...hasn't truly "begun". I know it will in time, we are having a "training day" soon, she wants to teach me to clean properly and show me what she expects. Also go over some of the commands "sit, kneel, greet, worship" etc. I did ask her what would happen if when this starts, her friends were to come over "your going to serve us...in your maid attire...in your diaper...what else would you do? When your not serving us and your not of use you'll either be on the floor like a dog, or locked up listening to your files...just depends on my mood". Right now I'm sitting in bed typing and she's in the kitchen with her co workers drinking, so the thoughts crossed my mind "what IF you were serving them in a diaper right now...?!" The levels of humiliation would be out the roof, I'd probably cry. We talked about it and she said the first time in front of someone will be the hardest, then it won't be as bad when they come over. She's also talked briefly about a babysitter when she's away once we get further down the line.All I know is I'm horny as it gets, and it's been less than a week! I can't keep my hands off of her, especially her ass (which I'm normally not allowed to touch, sure that will kick in soon). She know's I'm horny and has said somethings I didn't like hearing "The fact you can't get off me when your in your chastity cage shows me you were jacking off constantly". "Why didn't you just have sex with me when you had the chance? You blew it, you had your opportunity, now you don't get that anymore. If you want sex, I'll get my strap on and do you". When she's said these things it's reinforced to me why this process is happening, and why it's the right place for me. I did blow it, I should have had sex with her a lot more. And now I'm not only going to pay for it, it's going to change my life. Last night I told her I didn't think cuckolding would be good "But your not going to be manly enough for me soon, and by then you'll be so submissive and such a sissy you'll understand... plus I don't want to have sex with someone sitting in a pee soaked diaper!" I know this process will be best, a female led marriage is guaranteed success and happiness for her, which is all that matters. And the cage between my legs is a constant reminder of the privilege I lost, and won't get back.
Good Night
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