Be careful what you wish for

Ive been absent from this blog, I do apologize. Lately life is been a roller coaster ride. I have been back in chastity for the past two months, but I haven't always been on my best behavior. Again we have both been very busy, and it is hard for me to stay focused when we both have so much on our plates. It's also hard for me to stay chaste, I do s better job behaving when she is engaged with the lifestyle fully, and as of late that hasn't been the case. I've been in diapers at night the entire time, not during the day though. We did go on a walk the other day around the neighbor hood, and I had a diaper on under my gym shorts. That's as close to wearing in the day time as I've got.

A few weeks ago I began making what she has wanted for so long; my "crib". We built the entire thing from scratch, it's framed around a twin mattress and box spring. It's fully lockable, with wooden "rails" for the sides and top. Once I'm locked in I couldn't get out unless I broke one the wooden rails.  It's been done for a few days, yet last night was the first time I slept in it, yet it wasn't the reason I had such a restless night. One of her Christmas presents came in the mail two days ago; my posey straight jacket. She wanted it to be tight, so we ordered a small. Let's just say my excitement for the jacket died quickly, it's fun for an hour, not all night.

Last night I got home late, I was quickly diapered and put in plastic panties. She then led me to my room, and proceeded to put me in the straight jacket. After tucking me under the covers, she locked the crib door and went to bed. Sleep was hard, I kept waking up and drifting off. I couldn't use my diaper laying down, I still haven't went number 2 since then. I kept fighting against the arm sleeves, the crotch strap kept the pushing the wet diaper into me, and I was not happy. I don't like not sleeping next to her, I really didn't like being alone. Around 5:00am she came in and took off my jacket and locked the crib. I would have killed to go back to our bed, I mean "her" bed. By morning my diaper was bloated, I fell into s deep sleep once the jacket was off. "I don't know about you, but I had the best sleep in years, I love this crib" she said. I was reminded through out the day that I was sleeping in the jacket again, in my "crib". I'm not looking forward to it, I just want to sleep, in peace, next to her. Be careful what you wish for

I truly thought I'd be living in a box under the bed by now!!!!!

If you haven’t gathered it thus far we lead very busy lives! I hate the pause between postings, and I hope it gets better. I also hope she begins to write again soon, only time will tell if that’s the case. The past week has been fun! Outside of the world of FLR, though my device has been locked on during the day, and I’m diapered at night. No set chore list yet, or anything like that, though two nights ago she was mad that I hadn’t been using my diaper to the fullest. I replied I would start when she got more involved, she said tonight you “will make a mess”. Well if it wasn’t two hours later I did, and it kept coming, it was awful! She put two pairs of plastic panties on me (locking on top) then placed me in a pink onesie I had been hiding from her. A long time ago she told me to buy one, I thought it was so ridiculous when it came in I hid it in my closet and forgot about it. One of our animals drug it out and that was all she wrote. When she looked at it she was terrible excited, smiling ear to ear. After she put it on she smiled at he handy work and clapped, terribly happy…she continued to use baby references for the rest of the night. I still think she’s going to take a regression path, she loves it so much, and I hate it.

With Christmas coming up, I told her I’d get her some stuff related to this, and asked if she still wanted a straight jacket, her reply was simple “I think so, I mean, you know I get busy where I have a lot of stuff I need to do around here, it would be a way for me to take care of you quickly, and not have to worry about you for the rest of the day”.  So this is a sure thing, that and she wants an isolation hood, I also want to have a custom hypnosis file made for her, shes a big fan of esuccubus.com, which is where all of our files come from. Still though nothing is all that bad! Nothings gone up my rear! No diapers in public! No long time uncomfortable situations! When I’m not doing anything, I watch TV, dick around…the usual; I haven’t even been spanked haha! So we will see how things progress! The only down side right now is her memory, she keeps leaving the key to my cage home…what’s the point of a lock if you have access to the key?! I told her I’ve been good both times she’s left it, yet next time I wont be! I’m going to try to be better, I know I’m not supposed to control any situations, and the only reason I am typing this is because my blogs my safe place. When she threatened to send me to another Mistress for a weekend in hell, I talked about it a lot, told her I was for it, thought it would help…so much to the point where she truly believed I wanted it, and never sent me. Truth be told a weekend sleeping tied up, copious amounts of punishment and humiliation, truly was the last thing I wanted. I feel kind of bad for manipulating a situation, I just feel I have better things to do most weekends than be paraded in public in a diaper, or spanked until my ass is as red as Santa’s coat. So anyway, that’s off my chest…

A busy unlocked weekend!

A very busy weekend it was! We had several events with friends on Friday and Saturday which took us away from home for the weekend. It was fun, yet it made the weekend go by so fast! She took my chastity device off for both occasions as she was with me and it makes an obvious impression in suit pants. Saturday night though we returned home and were both pretty intoxicated, she didn’t put my diaper or device back on and we ended up having sex. She was not happy about that in the morning, saying I took advantage of her being drunk, well I was drunk and she helped me get it started! LOL. She enjoyed it, as did I, yet that still didn’t curb her frustration given what happened. “Your in so much trouble…” was all she said. I told her while we were having sex she could extend my chastity stent to 90 days, she has not told me what the release date it yet. Sunday we had a productive day and (cage and diaper free) I led the charge on detailing our entire home. It looks so good, and she was beyond happy with the progress. Towards the later part of Sunday evening she kept saying she wanted to get me back in my device and diaper, I told her once we finished the house I would. She works well off motivation, yet in reality I shouldn’t be giving her ultimatums, but if I can get away with it…I see no reason to stop. I’m sure she figures I “got off” during this time, she hasn’t asked and I doubt I would admit I did (I don’t want her to be angry). Before we laid down she crammed me back into my super small chastity device and diapered me very tight “These aren’t coming off again…get comfy”. She scolded me again about sex the night before, and reiterated her want of a crib.

We’ve agreed I would convert a wooden framed twin bed into a “crib”, I have a feeling the spare bedroom we don’t use often is basically going to be converted into “my room”.  She’s expressed the need for a changing table, fully enclosed “crib”, high chair, and one other addition I plan on surprising her with. I’m going to make an “isolation box”,  a fully enclosed box which will be sound proof, very small, and very crammed. I think it will be useful for her with punishment and deterring me from acting out.  The crib were sketching up is going to be far from comfy as well. She was persistent on using an actual crib, yet my concerns with not being able to fully stretch out won. The crib will not be tall enough for me to sit up, I will be able to lie down, have her strap me to the bed, and she can lock the top. There’s a picture of the design were aiming for in an old post of mine. One thing did startle me, I woke up in an absolute mess, and I really don’t remember doing it. This did make her happy, so we’ll see how that progresses. It’s a good thing shes not a nurse and catheters scare me, I have a feeling I’d have one of those in all the time…though the thought of loosing all control is exciting, yet scary.

October update, slow and steady win the race

To pick up where I left off, that night she ended up putting me in a new diaper as we layed down for bed. She didn’t want to smell it all night and realized with how bad the mess was I’d more than likely get a rash. She is slowly getting back into a rhythm of things; it’s pretty simple honestly… She text me a list of chores to do when I get home, my chastity device doesn’t come off, and a diaper is put over it at some point in the evening. The other night I woke up to a terrible pain, the chastity device digging into me as the diaper pressed it further into my body. In a zombie like state I got up, removed the diaper and left it on the bathroom floor and went back to bed. She was irate in the morning, and everynight since when I’m diapered she puts the thick locking fetware diaper covers on.  I guess I’m getting used to being in the chastity so much, before it came off everynight, which at least enabled me to stretch. Not now. I know she will slowly add more and more, if she goes at her own pace then she is certain she’ll be successful. I do have a feeling and she’s stated she we’ll be doing much more age regression. She didn’t like the idea last year, but for some reason I think this time will be different.  Still things aren’t super strict, When she diapers me I put shorts on immediately to cover them up, that use to be a no-no. So I suppose time will only tell, I hate that I’m not in “sub space”. I prolly wont get in that place in my mind for months. I jokingly asked her to send me to a boot camp to speed things up, she said “its obvious you want to, so no”.  As my frustration builds over the next 40 days I’m sure this will be easier. I currently hate putting the diaper on, its no longer a feeling of comfort as it was before when my device came off when it went on. I know this evening she has something planned, I’ve gotten back to the house late every night so far this week due to work. I have a busy weekend ahead of me, so look for updates early next week. On another note I hope Susan over at “All mine” is doing ok, it’s been nearly six months since they have updated their blog, I hope Tammy, Jay, and she are doing well.  It’s hard to say where we will be in a few months, we love feed back, keep commenting!

be careful

Be careful what you wish for. I've been back in Chastity for two days, the device never comes off. It stays on even diapered. I'm currently sitting, locked, in two abena m4's with 2 bambino quadro stuffers, inside of them is a 2 quart enema I had to hold for 10 minutes. Topped with locking plastic panties, I'm uncomfy, I feel gross, I want a change and won't get one till morning. I'll update soon

Hate hurting her.

I think it's sad I'm so selfish at times, that I choose to jack off rather than have Sex with my own wife.   Maybe I deserve what's coming. We've had some delays in starting, yet last week she found a huge stash of my rags and boxer I used to jack off in. She was so sad and angry, she said "I finally understand why women turn their husbands into cuckolds. In time I'm going to have to find someone else, because this is so out of hand". I truly don't like hurting her, yet today she found another huge stash under the bed, she looked crushed. We had to run some errands and she was pretty quiet, I said I need to find a restroom in the store and all she said was "soon you won't have to worry about that" and walked off. I'm my own undoing I guess, she has plans apparently, I suppose we will see.

Preparing for the long haul

I know this blog seems like a roller coaster; on and off, yet there are reasons for that. Last month Mistress and myself had a MAJOR life event, don't worry it's a good thing! We needed to enjoy that to the fullest, no kinks attached! Now that it has passed we and she specifically have so much more free time, which means she finally a gets to partake in the lifestyle she's always wanted... Without any distractions. My chastity device clicked closed' this morning, I'm sitting in bed in a very dirty diaper right now... I just ordered 200 Abena M4's, 160 bambino booster pads, a new enema and a pink onesie at her direction. Sex for me is over for along time, I won't be getting off for the next 4 months. This king size bed won't be mine to use next week, I'm switching to a 54 inch dog kennel as my new sleeping arrangement.  After years of trying it's finally here, I hope you enjoy the upcoming journey.

"Your getting pierced"

The weekend was rather uneventful in regards to kink, I spent some time volunteering at a local food bank a few towns over. On Sunday though she informed me of something rather strange to me; she told me I was going to get a frenum piercing in a month, so that my current jail bird would become fully escape proof. I'm not sure how I feel about this, it's not that I'm scared of the piercing, it's the feeling of that being a big step...it feels so permanent. I guess she's getting serious. Will post in detail tomorrow, be careful what you wish for.

The boy who cried wolf

The boy who cried wolf...we've all heard the story, the proverbial tale of a boy who lied to manipulate a situation one too many times, and it ended up costing him. I learned the lesson of that tale today, in one of my whining sessions which ended up not only costing me....but solidifying an inner fear. Today I tried to talk my way out of chastity, and trying to for stall this process for another thirty days. I explained my reasoning and explained I was being genuine in that reason, she listened attentively and laughed at the end. I begged, I threw so many excuses at her, and every time I said "no" she just kept adding it up in her head how many spankings I was going to get. She then explained the tale of the boy who cried wolf, telling me the whole story which I already knew.
"You've lied and tried to get out of this too many times...you've cried wolf once too many, and this time it won't work. Because unfortunately for you, I like this...and we haven't even started, but I'm getting better and I'm sorry you thought this would last a "week" but sadly, for you, you were wrong this time." She said with smile on her face, what scared me is I could tell she was being genuine.
She continued "I know this is hard, and its going to get harder, but remember you wanted this... years ago you said you wanted to be fully controlled, and thats whats happening. Soon your soul purpose will be pleasing me, your basically going to be brain washed...you need to get two things out of your head...resisting me and thinking your still a man. Your going to be trained, and between punishment and your hypnosis files your going to become a sissy, your going to become my slave. Another issue is you don't go down on me...that's going to change, we're going to get you so good at that so I never even have the thought of wanting your cock again. I'm sorry but this is the way its going to be now, honestly I don't think theres a thing you could say to make me change my mind. The fact that your whining about this has made me disappointed, so your going to spend a lot more time in your isolation room so you can think about what you've done, and start accepting this. I'm in control, I make all your choices now, that's not changing, be careful what you ask for".
And with that I got up and left the house to run some errands, I'm worried now yet I know I shouldn't be...I guess what you think will be "fun" can turn out to be a nightmare, fears are running through my head; no more sex again? Just a strap on? What if I become dependent on diapers? How can I sleep comfortably in a cage or crib? Will she tell her friends? Will they get involved? My mind is racing with a million questions, all I know is I think I have a very humiliating, and sexually frustrating road ahead of me... When she get done talking I had the balls to try and bargain, I told her if she waited I would get her the isolation hood and Max Cita strait jacket she's been wanting... she laughed and smiled stating "Your going to get me those anyway silly! Order more diapers, if I "run out" your going to be in more trouble than you can imagine."  I'm currently sitting in bed waiting her to get back home from a friends, I hope she's home soon...my chastity device is killing me.   Maybe I should except it, maybe subcontiously I already am...when I came into the bed room I got out a diaper, my plastic panties and the powder and set them on the night stand.

Tightening her grip.

Thursday May 1st-

Last night was a change of pace I suppose, when she got home she told me it was time for my spanking... apparently this is going to be a daily thing, she turned me over her knee, my chastity device nestled between her legs and she began to spank me with her bare hands. It didn't hurt, I guess this annoyed her and she pulled a wooden spoon out from the drawer. She spanked me around 25 times with the spoon, when my ass was red enough she decided she was done, they didn't hurt to be honest. She diapered me and when we laid down, she began to rant about how she's sick of me not taking this seriously. The first thing she told me was to stop touching her ass, and that I was no longer allowed to use the word "no" when speaking to her. She also explained that I was not to start direct conversations with her. After she chewed me out she fell asleep, I awoke this morning to her putting my chastity device on me and I was off to work. When I got home she arrived shortly after, I was sitting on the couch in my boxers, she was not amuzed. We sat on the couch and handled some home matters for about an hour, she then led me to the bed room and told me it was time for my spanking. She spanked a lot harder this time,  she kept asking me questions and when I replied with "no" she just kept spanking me more. It hurt, yet I was no where near crying, I doubt I ever will be. After she got done she told me to put on some panties and cook her dinner, when we were through eating she told me to get to cleaning, and put on my posture collar since I had been "bitching". I wasn't really happy about this and complained about wearing the collar since it was uncomfortable, she was livid. She grabbed the loop and led me to the bedroom where my small isolation room is (she earlier post), she yelled for me to get in and left me in darkness for around an hour. I flooded my diaper while curled up inside, when she finally let me out she mocked me for this, spanked the back of my thighs and sent me to continue cleaning. When I was done I asked her if I could lay down, she said I could and after putting on my plastic diaper covers I fell asleep.

Friday May 2nd-

Waking up she was out the door, she didn't take my diaper off and expected me to put my chastity device on, I wish she wouldn't trust me so much. With much resistance I put it on and left for work, we'll see what tonight has in store.

What to do...What to do...

 I suppose somethings take time to fall in place, I spoke in my last post about my fear this would devolve down the path of me being subjected to these tribulations while she lived a very vanilla life. Monday during the day she began texting me about how she doesn't believe I was taking the process seriously. In all honesty, I wasn't. She explained how she was getting very upset I don't listen to her, I apologized yet I had no intention of stopping my behavior, because there were no repercussions for living my normal life and doing what ever I wanted to do. When she called me after work she began saying some odd things "Your going to start drinking my urine, daily" "I think we should play a game where you drink a lot of liquids and are forced to wet yourself...in your panties not your diapers" Amongst other things. This was odd to me but I decided not to dwell on it.  When I arrived home she was leaving to go have dinner with friends, which I was upset about seeing as I never see her. I cleaned up a little bit and spent a few hours on netflix, at this time my chastity device was really annoying me. When she finally got home she kindly put me into my diaper, which meant the cage come off! I'm so much more comfortable in them!!!! Especially since my new cage is tighter, anyways when we laid down she made me literally kiss her ass before she went to sleep...and after I did that she asked me a strange question:
"So I need to know something, have you always wanted to be controlled by a dominant women".
I didn't answer, instead sending more questions her way "What do you mean controlled?"
She replied by saying "having every aspect of your life controlled, everything, have you always wanted that? I need to know before we move further in this process"
"So if I say no can we stop playing and I don't wear the cage anymore?"
She laughed really hard "No, not hardly...your stuck with that now, I just need to know to understand how I'm going to proceed".

I awoke this morning to her un tapping my diaper, which a welcomed feeling since it was soaked. My dick was already harder than steel, she began cleaning me up and then she climbed on top of me and we had sex, for about two minutes, I was still waking up or I know I would have gotten off. After a lot of teasing last night and that show this morning, my balls are aching beyond belief! She put my cage back on and left for work, sadly when I arrived home for lunch I noticed she left the key on the night stand again.... it makes me sad, because even though she says she "forgets" it makes me sad because I feel its just me going through this.  Despite the fact she text me through out the day, randomly mentioning things about it... When were home, nothing happens. Her threats carry no weight, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get better with empty threats. So right now I'm sitting here in bed, she's watching T.V. and I guess I'm about to go to sleep.  I guess I'll get diapered soon, thats if she remembers.

Getting situated, and making some adjustments

Well after some unexpected delays with my chastity device, we are back in business. I had a metal worker slim down the ring and I can attest I can't get out of this thing at all. The new cuts I made to the anti-pull out pin make even trying not only painful, yet scaring. Even if I were to manage to back out, theres no way I'd get it back in. And yes its only been 24 hours and I'm going crazy. The device actually arrived Wednesday, I didn't tell her until later in the evening. I felt bad that I had removed it from the package and put it away without her knowing, she was checking the porch and patio to see if any boxes were left and the look of disappointment was clear. When she knew the device had arrived she snapped at me before bed "put your diaper on". I laid down, exhausted from a long work day and ignored her demands, before I knew it I was asleep. The following morning I woke up late and didn't put the device on, she was not happy again. Yet in my mind if she fails at making sure its on, thats a free pass for the day :). Well Thursday when I got home she was getting ready to leave and asked me to lay down on the bed, she put me in two diapers and proceeded to leave the room. Before she left the house she yelled "All the laundry folded and change the sheets, wash them as well." And that was that...

I walked about the house, hating the waddle, contemplating removing them and putting new ones on when she got home, just didn't want the inevitable to happen because I knew these weren't going to be coming off until Friday morning. Friday came and went, I put my device on before I left for work, work was uneventful. That evening she had me help with some things for her side business, the device was killing me and she told me once I had completed my task she would diaper me, I couldn't wait! I ended up making a huge mess, laying down she was not happy "I really can't sleep next to you with that smell, lets change you." I welcomed a fresh diaper and sleep peacefully, even dreaming. She thinks I sleep better with the diapers on, I doubt that statement is true...maybe I simply don't want it to be true. Regardless Saturday she was gone all day and I proceeded to work on the house, she left early that morning leaving me in a diaper and told me to put the device on when I woke up. I really wish she wouldn't trust me... I don't trust myself! How can you expect someone used to jacking off to be trustworthy and just put his device on!!!!  Any ways she got home and I was on the toilet, knowing I was going to be diapered when she arrived, I just didn't want to sleep in a mess again. She got upset and expressed her want for me to make all my messes in my diaper only. Well lets fast forward to today, she awoke and told me she wanted me to cook her breakfast, and asked if I wanted a fresh diaper. Of course I did, it was how I obtained it I had a problem with. "I want you to say Mistress I would really like to be comfy and cozy in a new diaper" she said, I really didn't want to say something so trivial and silly, it took me about ten minutes of pouting to finally say it. When I finally did she put me in two diapers, slitting the first one so it would leak into the second... I was mad because I really had to make a mess, and she wouldn't let me use the toilet first. She had to leave again for most of the day, and wanted me in my locking plastic panties...again I wish she didn't trust me!!!!!!! I put them on but I didn't lock them, why would I?! She's supposed to be the one to click these locks and not leave the keys at home...it makes this process hard and irrelevant. I had a work situation turn up and had to leave the house, I took the diapers off and locked on my chastity device, which was irrelevant since she left the key for that too....    I guess I'm not taking her seriously, last night she told me I didn't listen to her and obey and she was upset about it, yet she didn't do anything. So I guess I'm really not sure, last time she was strict, never left a key around, and dotted her I's when it came to anything to do with this. So I guess I'm not sure if she is taking it seriously.  I'm not sure what I need or what she needs to do to make it clear this is really happening...because right now I feel like a guy who just wears diapers...   She wanted me to buy a crib on friday I found on craigslist, I ignored her want, I do not want to subject myself to sleeping in something that small, I'm 5'8! I can't fit in a childs crib!!!! Monday morning I began to really feel horny...it was driving me insane, it hasn't hit me like this yet.

I hate sitting in mess...

I know...I know...I know... this blog went dark...for along time. I truly have no excuses, and I apologize to those of you who sent me messages about how much you loved the blog. It is a love/hate relationship for me, and its more than likely obvious I haven't been in the lifestyle since my last post, I truly don't know what my last post even was. Again I apologize, yet its affirmation that this lifestyle isn't all the stories and fantasy seekers make it up to be. Having a 24/7 FLR/FLM is hard work, primarily from the women.  It takes so much time for me to get into sub space, it takes months for me to take her seriously about it, it takes drastic actions from her for me to think she is serious. Those actions require planning, and take time, which gets consumed from other things life brings your way. To those of you who have done it, bravo...whats the secret (perhaps I don't want to know). So why did it end THIS time.... I'll do my best to recant the conversation. I had been locked up for some time without relief, (over 30 days), I remember being horny as it gets and I had spent a lot of time alone outdoors which caused me to think long and hard on the situation I was in. During that time I came to some conclusions and decided I needed to tell her how I was feeling.
"This is where I belong, I don't deserve to get off, much less have sex with you (or receive pleasure from it anyway), I blew it, I got off behind your back so much and I feel I've lost those privileges. I deserve to be kept in chastity, I deserve to be trained back into being dependent on diapers...I don't deserve to sleep in the same bed, you do deserve the right to cuckold me. I want you to take this further, I know it will be miserable... its fine, I deserve this."  I said to her, she became frazzled and said this isn't what I want, I'm marrying you, I want to have sex with my husband, I don't want to do this anymore. That was all I needed to here, game over. I got up out of bed and started undoing the diaper "Just leave it on" she said. I was mad, and I wasn't sure why, those thoughts I had came from being deep in "sub space" and being deprived orgasm for a month. Once I got off I thought to myself "Are you crazy, why the hell would you say you want those things?!" I quickly resorted back to my old habits sadly and we went back to normal vanilla life. Months went by, we've been consumed planning the big day, life brought other challenges and time kept marching on. Then she started finding rags and etc from you know what...she wasn't happy, sex went to almost nothing, which is all my fault... sad huh? She started slowly talking about it again and one day she locked my jail bird back on and said we're starting. Well all was not well, I discovered I could pull out, even with the long blunt anti pull out pin. I decided to be honest and tell her about it, happy the device would come off until we sent it back to Mature metal to make it smaller. I never sent the device off, (this was 2 weeks ago) I didn't want to go back in it! I suppose I had a fear that she wouldn't take it seriously, and I refuse to simply wear a chastity device and a diaper at night, it does nothing to change me, and doesn't develop the FLR at all. The actions which surround those things do.
Going back to when we decided to give chastity a try in the beginning I remember her making one mistake, which I think set the course for failure; she gave in on a brutal "break in session". I was in two thick diapers, plastic pants, suppositories and fed baby food laced with laxatives and vast amounts of fiber. She had planned to start on a friday evening and leave me chained in a small crawl space she turned into a cage, listening to her wav files for 24 hours. She was doing this to try and get me quickly into sub space and let me know she was serious. It was hell being in there, hell. When she let me out every 4 hours to stretch after hour 8 I begged not to go back in and stay the night, it was hell, my diaper had turned it into a gas chamber...she gave in and let me sleep in the bed, chained to it, yet she gave in. I think that's where the fault was because I didn't take her seriously.
So I didn't send the device back to mature metal, rather I took the long blunt anti-pull out pin and and a dremel and modified it to the criss cross pattern yet sharper. Today is my first day back in, if I try and pull any way, it will cut me. If it does come out, it isn't going back in. So until I order the arch, for her wedding gift, this will do. I'm not sure how long it will last, part of me doesn't want it to, part of me does. I'm currently laying in bed, penis is killing me from this new anti pull out pin, I asked her to diaper me earlier and she wouldn't, hoping she does soon so the cage will come off.  Which I know it linking comfort to diapers, which is sad in my current state of mind. They say actions speak louder than words, so I suppose time will tell if she takes the reins and steers this down a road of me becoming submissive.

She just came back into the bed room and removed my cage, after some deliberation (I don't know why she deliberates) my diaper leaked into my diaper cover last night, I'm now sitting in two Abri Form M4 X plus diapers, and they will remain on apparently until tomorrow at 5:30. I don't work tomorrow and she does, so she will be leaving the locking diaper covers on me during the day.

Its now friday morning, she just left for work...sadly for me I ended up messing these diapers five minutes after she left...looks like I get to clean the whole house with filth around my waist today...only seven more hours until she's home.

Changes?

I awoke Saturday after a restless nights sleep, the thickness between my legs did not enable me to "sleep like a baby". After taking care of the animals she told me to get in the shower, yet made me take off the diaper in front of her and put my cage on before washing. Very embarrassing, even though she's changed me many times, something about being seen in a soiled diaper makes me very embarrassed.  I know she enjoys this, her verbal remarks make it clear, yet thankfully we had a very busy day Saturday and no time to think about anything FLR. After a day of home remodeling we needed to make another trip to Lowes, which meant me going out in a diaper again, which led to me sleeping in a messy diaper...again. (It's getting old) Sunday was more of the same, a lot of renovations  and a day working in my chastity device. Early in the afternoon she decided she wanted me in a diaper the rest of the day, which I was ok with since it meant the device came off. And when bed time rolled around she even changed me into a dry one for being good all weekend.
As we began to dose off she kept saying "serious" changes are coming, and how "things are changing" in this home. She explained how much happier she was when I didn't question her at all, when I would do as I'm told, when I'm told. How much happier she was when she never had to clean a thing or do any laundry. "Soon, your not going to have an opinion in this home unless I ask for yours. I know you think this is just going to end again but your wrong this time. It's here to stay". To be honest though, I don't know what to think, do I really want to live a life diapered and not sleeping with my wife?

Diapers in public and my first day back in chastity

Today was my first day back in chastity, I suppose it's going to take some getting used to, but I will be honest; it felt "right" being locked back up. When she got home, she immediately insisted I go ahead and be put in my diaper. She knew we had a lot of errands to run and I wasn't too excited about going out in a diaper. Well I was wet before we left, yet my knee length coat made it impossible to tell. I was caught off guard when I realized I was walking through Walmart peeing without even thinking about it. I suppose I get used to it, by the time we got home I was soaked and she made it clear I wasn't getting changed until morning. You see I hate feeling wet, which is why we buy high end diapers. I begged her to please tape another one on top of this one, so it would wick moisture, she agreed mentioning how cute the waddling is. After tapping the second one on she pulled out the thick pink locking plastic panties, after removing the chain she slid them on "well I was going to rape your hole tonight, but it's diapers for you, which makes you happy doesn't it? You love your diapers". A slight blush and I waddled off, shortly after my stomach hit me and did the expected. "Looks like sissy is sleeping in a poopy diaper!" She proclaimed. And now I'm laying down in bed, coping with my situation, at least I know I'm getting changed first thing in the morning. I just hope she doesn't put her cold feet on me tonight! I hate it so much, makes me want her to make me sleep in a crib, that's how much it irks me! Goodnight everyone, I will say despite being in a full thick diaper....I'm quite comfy, thank goodness she didn't plug me!

Deb

I forgot how much I hated wearing my cage...

Well, again I do apologize for my lack of posting and turning my blog off, very childish of me. But I am back now, hopefully for a good while. We are currently VERY busy with some home renovations, and I'm trying very hard to keep her on task with them (ORGANIZE EVERYTHING!).  I've found if everything has an uncluttered place; life is happier. Any ways my prior blog post I wrote about a week ago and forgot to publish, two nights ago she slowly started to bring back the FLR lifestyle by making me sleep in a very full, disgusting diaper due to her anger, and disappointment from earlier in the day. I made a big mistake, she found a shirt I had been "jacking off" in, I could tell she was actually hurt "you know it really hurts me when I find these, I think you have a problem, your obsessed with getting off" she said. In my mind I'm thinking "Aren't all guys obsessed with that?  I don't try to hurt her, I guess I just automatically do it, long story--- she hates it. Laying down she said "you get to decide if you want to have sex with me one last time for awhile before I put your diaper on you, and no your not touching that toilet." Of course I said lets have sex, but it was responded with  "I've changed my mind, lift your ass up, diapers going on". With a pair of pink "panties" as she calls them, the inevitable happened right before I laid down to sleep.  "You really do like wearing your diapers don't you? God your such a freak" she said which was met with my assuring replies stating that wasn't the case. The only time I like them is in the morning; when I really have to go, I can just go".  She went on to explain that in time she had made a decision to pick up with the feminization and continue to make me the house maid, "I keep thinking I'm too busy to do all of this too you right now, but since your going to be the bitch and doing ALL of the housework, I think that will free me up a lot. And by the way, nothings changing after we get married." She seems like she is serious, but as you know actions speak much louder than words. This morning I awoke with another very soggy diaper, which was leaking when I stood up. I don't want to tell her this because it means stuffers, or wearing two at once...and I do NOT want the padding in my pants to get worse. Though when ever she puts me in two she laughs and smiles much more at the size, secretly I think it's obvious she is the one who likes making me wear diapers. Anyways after waking I went to the bathroom and began un taping when I heard "don't get in the shower, come put your cage on, now". I didn't argue or say much of anything, she was laying on the chastity device in an attempt to warm it up. When the lock clicked shut I didn't think much of it, yet now, it being 2:30pm the device is reminding me of it's announce and I'm pretty horny.  We have a lot of house plans in the works this weekend, I have a feeling if she does anything I'll be wearing diapers out to dinner and a movie tomorrow night...as long as I'm not plugged as well it should be ok. 

Deb

My Current Thoughts

It's been a good while since I've gotten on my blog since I shut it down around a month ago. I truly am sorry to those of you who enjoyed reading my post, shutting it down was selfish, childish, and an impulse which stemmed from a conversation with my fiancé which put yet another halt on our FLR lifestyle.  Around six weeks ago I could tell she was fading, work has persisted to stress her out, the holidays made it worse, and trying to plan our wedding all the while maintaining her sanity left no room for her to deal with trying to "own" someone. This came spilling out when I decided one evening too tell her about some thoughts I had been having; in sum I told her I felt like this was the proper place for me, it felt right being her slave, growing dependent on diapers, not being allowed to get off...ever if it pleased her, and that I would be ok with her cuckolding me down the road. This open from the heart at the time confession was met me a road block. She explained she didn't have time, that it wasn't worth the work and how it was really hard for her to have to constantly think about things to "do to me" and that she just wasn't feeling it. I really could not argue with her over this, I truly didn't have a say, so I said "alright...its over". She went on for an hour saying "I know your mad", "I'm Sorry!",  "Your going to leave me for some women in leather who beats you and keeps you locked up", and so on. That night; I was a little sad, and that sadness was something I could not understand.
Why do I have a reason to be sad I thought? Full freedom, I can get off when I want to, I can do what I want, when I want, no humiliation, no sore bottom, no long hours in bondage...am I insane for being sad?! I decided to just let it go, there was really nothing I could do anyways; I truly could not blame her for her reasons; she's beyond busy, and maybe then it just wasn't good time "Life happens". I tried to just push everything out of my head, I told her I was going to attempt to sell some of our things; cases of diapers, my Mature metal jail bird, etc. She quickly told me not to sell any of it, so I let that go as well.  I did cancel the straight jacket which I had ordered for her, she always talked about wanting one and I decided it would be one of her christmas presents. Anyways as I was saying over the past month she has made little comments here and there "after the honeymoon no more freedom" "when I start again you have no idea what your in for" "I'm going to lock you back up in the morning" "Im going to lock your ass in the closet with a dildo in your ass and one in your mouth" and so on. Maybe once the wedding stuff calms down she will want to get back into it, I oddly say "I hope so" and I'm still trying to grasp why.
Everyday I find myself thinking about various aspects of this lifestyle, how I miss them, how it felt right, how I feel like we connected on a much deeper level, how happy she seemed and a look in her eye and rays of confidence which I've never seen her have. I suppose in my mind if I was a women, had the chance to reverse roles with my husband, use him to perform all domestic duties and then some, have him at my whims to do anything I pleased, not hear a complaint and in time start sleeping with other guys freely I'd be jumping for that chance! I suppose that's what confuses me, but I assume I'll know in time.  I have these "visions" of how I hope our relationship evolves, and find myself thinking about them through out the day. Why do these thoughts keep surfacing? Why do I want my wife to degrade me to a point where I'm her full time sissy slave? That's not normal! It's a lot of emotions, and I'm still struggling trying to understand them. Yet I guess some things can't be explained.