Morning sex, Bedtime sex

"Come right back to the bed, I feel like having sex sissy..." was the first thing Mistress said to me through my morning grogginess. I was taken back, she was breaking out the strap on at crack of dawn...well four hours after the sun rise. She didn't use the big dildo, but she had me bent over the bed for about ten minutes, it felt pretty good, the small one always does. I've noticed she never does me very long, I'm sure this will change in time, as my hole becomes more receptive to receiving things. She did not take me right away, my diaper was rather soaked and she wanted me to stay in it for awhile while I cooked her breakfast. She also took pictures of my diaper and sent it to her acquaintance I believe. After cooking a wonderful breakfast and she finished pounding me, she spanked me for my continuing of being bad. It was nothing is specific I believe, just in general behavior she hasn't been happy with. This is not surprising given my overall resistant  the past few days. We spent the day visiting an old friend of mine and returned home around 9pm. She told me she had some things she wanted to do before we laid down for the evening. "Im going to fuck you again, get ready on the bed, your cage is staying on". I didn't argue, though I wanted to... I just wanted to be put in my diaper and left alone. One thought on the diapers are they are becoming a safe place for me; I'm not in chastity in them, she can't stick anything in me or spank me...they are kind of nice, not to mention kind of comfy, I'm growing to like them a lot which I know was her intention. When she makes me dependent on the diapers I'm dependent on her...  But my diaper didn't come on, and after she mounted me from behind with the smaller dildo, she went into the bathroom and put on her large one. The smaller one had been cleaned and was shoved into my mouth for me to suck on while she forced the large one into me. I'm still not use to this monster, I feel so different when it's thrusting into me, violated, scared, waves of pleasure and my mind races. What ran through my mind tonight was is the only point of her training me on dildos only going to be reserved for her dominant pleasure? Or does she have underlying plans for the far future where she wants me to be prepared?! I can't see her "whoring me out" but she has joked about it numerous times. I know I'm just thinking crazy. The session went on for about 20 minutes, and I wanted it to end so badly. When it was finally over she let me sit on the toilet rather than diapering me immediately; for which I was very thankful. When she doesn't let me, I go to bed feeling used. But I'm in my diapers and panties now, she also has been MUCH more stern on me calling her Mistress every time I speak to her, she said she was keeping count to tell her new dominant friend.  An update on that field; Mistress said she wasn't sure when that was going to happen since apparently schedules aren't alligning. The three week window might not be met sadly, but then again it may work out, so we'll see. If Mistress B can help me become a better slave to my Mistress, I want to do it as soon as possible...because I hate letting her down. I want to take this seriously for her. I want to be the best sissy in the world, for her. I want to obey and listen and do as I'm told, yet I'm having a hard time breaking down these barriers in my mind. I hope schedules align so it happens in the next three weeks so I can start serving my Mistress to the best of my ability.  Going to spend the holiday with Family, will be back Monday night.  Thanks for reading, please ask any question you like.

Debbie

Sending me off to be broken in?

There was no flaunting of a sissy through out the house, chains clinking between heels as she cleaned gracefully shaking her ass as instructed by her Mistress. No strap on violated me, no hypnosis files were played for hours on end, well yet anyway. Yet despite all of this it was one of the most stone setting days thus far, today solidified just how serious Mistress is, just how far she wants this to go, and made clear she wants to mold me into her maid, her servant, her sex toy, her sissy. How could all of these things happened without D/s or kink involvement today? Well there was some of it, she just diapered me for the evening but not before spanking me telling me how bad of a slave I was. She had me greet her when I got home, and reddened my ass with a wooden spoon. Im sure she would have done more if it were not for our friends coming over for dinner and chatting all evening, which was wonderful. How could it be then that today was so monumental of a day? 

As I've talked about in recent post, there is a Mistress who lives a few hours away. We've talked alot the past few days and she truly has been a help in aiding me to break down my road blocks in my mind, to accept becoming my Mistresses slave. She's helping to break down the barrier of my viewing her only as my girlfriend and not my Mistress. The feelings I get of silliness or that its dumb when she commands me to sit, or greet her...she is beginning to put it in terms so I start to understand why it's my place to do those things. I suppose it started out as a joke in our morning conversation, I was chatting with Mistress B on Fetlife and we were discussing vanilla headaches, one thing was jobs. I made a joke and stated she should has aspiring Femdoms pay her to whip her slaves into shape. Well little did I know her and Mistress were talking at the same time, and they were also texting. This became evident when Mistress B told me to ask my Mistress if it was ok if we texted, My mistress quickly agreed. The conversations were about me fears, how I'm hard headed and being resistant to this process. Earlier my Mistress had text me and told me she had been thinking about it, and believed it would be in both of our best interest if she let Mistress B do exactly what I joked about..."whip me into shape". Yet my Mistress added a few words which caught my eye "I'm going to send you..." and "for a few days...." to the statement. "Are you actually going to send me to another Dominant for an entire weekend?" I asked.  "Yes actually...I am, you have no choice." I was terrified, and my mind began racing with a million questions about what ifs and hows that going to work, what am I going to do, what is she going to do to me? I made the mistake of directing some of these questions to Mistress B, she told me it wasn't my place to know. Through the conversation she assured me I would leave a much better sub, and much more submissive. She talked about how when she sends me back, I would behave properly for my Mistress by the time she was threw with me. I got nervous, worried, and began trying to top from the bottom with my Mistress...its clear my Mistress has made up her mind on this, I'll be going to Mistress B's. Though Mistress is concerned that our schedules will not align soon, and for personal reasons the initial visit needs to take place in the next three weeks. I know I will benefit from my stay under her control, because she's be so stern, consistent, and directive today just through text! When she text me she told me when addressing her through text I must address her as Ma'am in each one, and for everytime I didn't she was going to spank me when I arrived. She's been keeping count consistently for each violation. She also told me how I need to address my Mistress, and I'm sure she will want a violations count from her. For the first few days its 1 hit for each violation, then it moves to 10. I noticed, since I KNEW she was keeping count, I made it a point to address properly. I think she has the mindset Mistress wants, and I know shes going to teach her a lot and I'm very thankful for that. My mindset has changed completely from my fears. I know it will be beneficial for me to go, I know she can drive submission into me and return me to my Mistress with the right attitude and outlook I need to have. I love my Mistress dearly, I'd do anything to make her happy, and if that means spending a weekend under strict control...I'm glad to do it. 

Debbie

Hypnosis, Thoughts, and one tired sub

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday was Mistress caught me in boxers, stupid mistake. I put them on when I went to go see friends since I was wearing basketball shorts; not wanting to flaunt my white and black thong I chose an old pair of boxers. I told myself to remove them when I got back home, and I forgot. Which was why she reddened my ass so bad yesterday, and it put her in a very aggressive mood for the remainder of the evening. Awakening this morning she was not happy I hadn't "messed" my diaper, despite the fact it was soaked through and through. "I think it's time for you to go into diapers 24/7, its the only way your going to become fully dependent on them" she said as she woke.  Shuttering that thought away I found myself reflecting on something she stated last night, which kind of bugged me. I don't want to be her cuckold, yet I feel in time its inevitable and the signs are painted on the wall; A.) "your not going to have sex with me again"  B.) "your going to be sleeping in a crib every night, not next to me anymore" C.) Her making me suck her strap-on and progressively training my hole to take larger dildos and plugs.  D.) Her wanting a milking machine so she wont risk me feeling pleasure during a monthly milking. E.) "soon your cage isn't coming off anymore, your going to have to learn to wear it and your diaper" F.) When I was pleasuring her with the strap on she said "its just not the same as the real thing, sorry but you can stop". And Lastly what she said last night "I need to get you an isolation hood and a mask, I have to stop viewing you as my boyfriend and start seeing you as my slave, the mask will move this along much faster".  I felt hurt, worried, and concerned why she doesn't want to see me as her boyfriend. When I repeated it back to her she said that wasn't what she meant. But that reply did not satisfy me, and reminded me of when Mobico asked his wife the proverbial question "Do you view me as your husband or your slave?". I over think everything and I know I just need to sit back and ride this train, after all it was I who introduced her to chastity, I just never thought we'd come this far, and we still have along way to go. I know hundreds of guys out there would KILL to be in my shoes, but it's not all fun and games. Though I did notice I'm not as horny today, I think I may of had a wet dream since my balls no longer ache, guess I need to check the diaper.

None of this, this evening.

She is wanting alot of new items, so I asked her to prioritize them for me last night and she said she wanted the crib within the week, then the hood, then a highchair, then the machine, then the maxcita straight jacket. To me this sounds like a cocktail for a miserable slave!  Add to the list the items I will be adding to surprise her with; the new corsets, jewel designer butt plug, and the steel collar I found, One she can actually leave on me full time when I'm not in public since I'm sure she's going to start leashing me soon when ever she makes me start crawling around.
When I went home for lunch I didn't eat, instead I cleaned like a mad man, or, girl? So I would have less to do this evening. It's actually 2:00pm now as I'm typing this first part of the blog, I plan on cleaning like crazy when I get home from work. Clean whole house quickly and not do it in heels, plugged, and chains? Yes please! Wonderful conversations continued today with the Mistress I referenced yesterday, I'm excited to tell Mistress that she's really nice and I think they will hit it off. Its SO NICE to be able to talk to someone about it other than Mistress's "coach" and get insight into a domme. Another local Mistress gave me permission to message her slave, I've yet to do it though.
Well It's now a little after seven, I messaged the other submissive and I think were off to a great conversation! I continued to talk with the Mistress who lives close, and she's really helped me with alot of the mental roadblocks I've put in place through this process. She's also taken alot of concern away from exposure and humiliation today. One thing she stated was she thinks I need much more hypnosis, to help continue to solidify my training and transformation; she stated it's obvious it's working on me. I truly am thankful for our long conversation today, it's nice to talk to someone who is as kind, real, and honest as she is! I thought about it and asked myself the question "If she was sitting in our living room with Mistress would you be embarrassed to serve them in your maid outfit, or her seeing Mistress do anything to you?" The answer quickly came to my head "no I wouldn't". I think the reason I feel this way is because she understands the lifestyle, and a sub missives place in the whole scheme.  Now, I don't know if that day will come where her and Mistress become close enough where she begins the visit, I hope it does but thats not what was comforting. The notion that there are others in the local community with her same outlook is comforting. "You'll never meet a group of more open minded people.." she said, and that's comforting. I've been cleaning since the minute I got home and its time to prepare dinner, be back soon!
The floors look amazing and I cooked a wonderful meal, I also made sure I welcomed Mistress properly when she got home ;)  I cleaned like I was insane this afternoon, the amount of sweat pouring off of me you would have thought I was mowing the lawn! It was SO hot for some reason. I rushed to the grocery store and got home just as Mistress was arriving. I finished dinner and we enjoyed our meal, I sat on the floor and proceeded to clean the kitchen when I was done, granted its still not clean I made a huge mess during dinner. Before I started cooking Mistress had me lay down on the bed naked, she contemplated putting me in my uniform, the opted to go ahead and diaper me for the evening and putting an apron on me for while I cooked.  I hate it when she gets home so late in the evening; I know she's unwinding from the day and the last thing she wants to do is train or think of all the rules she has to enforce. So I do understand, yet its SO FRUSTRATING when Im on these long chastity stints; because I feel like we've only had one day of solid training and involvement since my business trip got in the way earlier this week. The only reason I harp on wanting her to be consistent and to start enforworth it. When she's consistent and I go into "sub space" then I don't think about chastity, getting off no longer matters, all that matters is pleasing her and making her happy. I want that to be constant! And I know it can, and I know in time it will. I just have to be patient, on the day I make enough money to tell her to quit her job, I will cry tears of joy because she truly does work so hard and is underpaid just as many people are in this economy. Any ways after I cleaned the kitchen she was in the bedroom setting up the restraints for a hypnosis section. She hadn't done one in awhile, but before leaving the room she took the gag and made a new hole in the belt "Since you like to try and spit this out, I'm going to make it to where you can't even get it out of your mouth" was all she said as she tightened the ball gag to a painful tension. My mouth still hurts like hell. For two hours I listened to hypnosis files, I laid there and hoped a certain file would come on, "chasstity" is it's title, it takes me to such a happy place and I feel it has made the biggest impact on me, yet it never came. I tried to tell her before she started and she just walked away. I came out of my trance and didn't say a word as she turned on the lights and removed my restraints and blind fold. It was a very interesting vibe I was feeling. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to sleep I just wanted to stay there. Even after I got up I didn't shake this feeling until about thirty minutes later, and it left me overly tired. My limbs are aching from the chains, she pulled them as tight as she could. Need to get some rest, not sure if tomorrow will be full of fun or not. I suppose we'll see!
cing all of the rules, being strict and never breaking her role (though I know when that day does come I will want these days back) is that it makes the massive waves of frustration that chastity is bringing to my mind every minute

Milking Machine?! Really?!

The machine (clip from video which inspired her)

Another busy day with vanilla life, work was hell and it ended even worse than the entire day. I made a huge mistake which was all my fault, and it caused no damage to anyone other than my own sanity. I was furious I let my guard down on a task and it's going to make for a terrible day tomorrow, and a crazy busy one at that. I had many errands to do once I arrived home, I looked for a note from Mistress and could not find one so I mowed the lawn and took care of a few things. This morning I awoke with a very messy diaper from multiple sources, I told her it was messy in shame, she smiled through her sleep as she changed me and grabbed a white and black thong for me to wear as she clicked my chastity device on. Back to this afternoon, she arrived home around 8:00pm and I cooked dinner as she vanished to work on a project for a client due tomorrow. She didn't put me in my outfit, diaper me, train, hypnosis, bondage, none of that. I was relieved and sad all at the same time, a strange feeling. Yet I think it's relevant; Im so much more submissive and in my role when she's consistently strict; yet life has a way of creeping in. It still feels "dumb" when she tells me to kneel, or blurts out a position when she hasn't trained in four days. Or we haven't done anything in four days, which I know will change. I just hope it comes soon for my sake, it makes this process so much easier. I cooked dinner yet it turned out awful, I barley ate it...Im normally a good cook, I take pride in that, but I was off my game tonight. After dinner I crawled in bed and had a wonderful conversation with another Mistress who lives a few hours from us, it was really nice to be able to talk to someone about my

Slaves in a funnel gag, she pours his cum back into him as it comes out...

feelings and get her point of view. As you can tell I was lazy today, I didn't clean really, cooked a terrible meal, and did none of the things she told me a week ago she wanted me to do daily. When she realized this she gave me a terrible spanking, and the only reason she stopped was her hand was hurting her (good thing she didn't grab the spoon). She lectured me on how bad I was, and said it ended tomorrow and we go back into full mode. I hope she's right, I need it if Im going to be better at this. Mistress also began discussions with several other female dominants in our area, so it's nice to know she will soon have friends.
When she laid me down to diaper me she turned me over again and spanked me, during this she told me to explain the machine (her coach messaged me this morning and tasked me to help her find out what machine this certain Mistress was using to automatically milk her slave). I found out it was a special medical device, and she ordered one. My Mistress stated she thought it was a good idea to go ahead and purchase one, so I plan on it this weekend. Im so horny right now I wish we had it! I hope I have more to say tomorrow! Good Night

Debbie

Welcome home sex, and Mistress's large strap on.

Mistress and her large strap on

I want to be this smooth

It becomes evident your life is slowly changing when you notice certain changes in how you begin to think, what you find attractive, what you look forward to, and what you plan on purchasing to make the person you serve happy. Over the past few days I have been gone, and while I was getting ready for bed in my hotel I pulled out the diapers from my bag and with a disgruntled action tapped them over my chastity device. The thought raced through my mind; here you are alone and your putting yourself in a diaper...not because it's what your mistress wants you to do, but because you need it. Thats a disheartening thought, yet it also made me think of Mistress, I hated to be away. I was so happy that I was able to return home today, despite the fact I was exhausted due to lack of sleep. My chastity device was digging into me all night long. I normally do not stay hard all night, but my balls are very full and aching...Im horny as hell. Speaking of being horny, Mistress is watching a video of a very attractive blonde Mistress milking her sub via a milking machine. The slave has a funnel gag and she pours his semen into it, I'm shocked at how much is coming out as he's wailing in pain. "Research how she made that device, I want one, its awesome...you'd never have an orgasm again" Mistress said. Of course, why wouldn't she! "Your being totally serious aren't you" I replied, "Yes, stop questioning me." Whoa is me, this wasn't the only new "item" Mistress informed me I was to research and buy within the next few weeks. "I have an assignment for you, I need you to buy a crib within the week, solid wood. Your going to build a top for it so I can lock you in it. Yes a small crib, but it's much bigger than a dog kennel isn't it? You'll actually be able to sleep in it at night, every night....I'm so nice to you" she said with a serious face. This is not something I'm looking forward to, I don't want to sleep in a crib! I work hard, I deserve my bed!
When I arrived home today Mistress was happy to see me, I was still on a business call and was for around an hour after she got home. We had a family dinner to attend which was lovely, we stayed much later than expected though and my lack of sleep was catching up with me. Returning home I simply wanted to close my eyes, have my chastity removed, put my diaper on and cuddle up to Mistress and sleep. She told me to lay on the bed to be diapered, thank you lord! I was going to get rest! As she approached me to unlock she stopped, smiled and pointed to the bathroom "Go put your butt plug in, the large one". I did as I was told, adding a black thong to my ensemble to help hold it in as I waddled about the house. She was sewing in the living room finishing her new, improved, larger, fluffier, more embarrassing... petticoat. About thirty minutes later she returned for me to try it on along with my maids skirt. Once she decided she needed to make me a new skirt to accommodate my new petticoat she stated "Your going to have multiple maids outfits! You can use this skirt and the normal petticoat and I'll make a new skirt for this big one! It shows your ass! So cute!". After I folded my uniform and put it away she told me to lay down on the bed, unlocking my chastity device and removing my panties (which I looked great in if I do say so my self, wait...what did I just say?) she stated "Face down, ass up, lets go". Removing the plug she approached me from behind and rode me for about ten minutes with the smaller normal sized strap on. Suddenly she tells me to stay there as she vanished into the bathroom, only to return with her largest strap on, the one I've never been able to take. "Sshhhh don't talk or I'm gagging you, you can take this, be a good girl and don't fight it, just open up for me." When she entered I wanted to cry, I cleared my mind and just took it. It kind of felt good after a few minutes and I couldn't believe what was inside me. When she was done I laid there taking it in before she returned to diaper me for the night.  I wonder what tomorrow will bring, on a side note I am surprising Mistress and purchasing a true steel bone corset for her to add to my maid attire (she's mentioned them in the past). I found a site doing buy 1 get 1, with great reviews so I plan on purchasing a hot pink one and a black and white one. To reinstate what I said in the beginning, its scary that I find myself wanting to look pretty, for my uniforms to look good, and my panties be sexy, I feel her plan is working.

They say nothing beats welcome home sex,

Sissy

Out of town!

I should have let my readers know, we had a very busy scheduled  Saturday and I left on a business trip this morning so I won't be back until Tuesday. I want to assure you this blog isn't falling off the earth...I'm also sorry if this is not as long as I am typing on my phone, hotel Internet is too high! Well anyway; I awoke Saturday morning with another soaked diaper I didn't remember, yet it was also full of well, lets just say I made multiple number "2's". It still disgust me sleeping in crap, yet something is changing. Before I went to bed I noticed I had the urge to go and without acknowledging it I just " went".  I was startled by my actions "you just shit yourself and didnt care or fight it" I thought. This isn't good, Mistress was already asleep (I know me wandering in the house after bed time, she's fixing this soon when she starts making me sleep in a cage). Then I woke up in the middle of the night; I did it again! And again when I woke! The diaper was huge and full by morning; Mistress had the most evil grin when she noticed how messy I was "good girl! You did exactly what I wanted you to do! I'm so proud! Do this everynight!" She said as she took pictures. I was blushing with embarrassment, yet a sense of pride came over me, because I made her happy. We had a family event for the rest of the day, and I awoke today with another soaking wet diaper. As I packed for my trip Mistress said " don't you want to pack a few diapers so you don't wet the hotel bed?" I replied with a strong statement on how I didn't need them, and I didn't want to pack any. When she left the room I put two in my bag with a sense of shame, because I know I need them ( she didn't see me). When I got to the hotel I noticed she too had hide two in my bag...sigh... Well she can officially tell people when she introduces me "My sissy is in diapers because she truly needs them, she'll wet and mess herself without them" and be telling the truth. I'm laying here diapered, my chastity device digging into me, wishing I was home. Will post Tuesday when I return!


Sissy Debbie

Hypnosis File Links!!!! And random thoughts

Point Proven

Long work day, went to see some family when I got off. Had a great friend of ours over for dinner when I got home, vanilla to say the least. If you count my chastity device and now laying in bed in a very thick diaper since I have been "wetting the bed like a sissy" and proving "why I must be diapered" since I've been wetting the bed on a daily basis (wetting my diaper of course). It leaked this morning when Mistress was changing me, she was not happy. And the last thing I want is thicker diapers, though it's obvious they are in my future. It was a good evening, and I know tomorrow morning I will rise and shine and adorn my maids outfit while I clean the house and do my chores. We have an event to attend tomorrow night but I am confident before and after I will be training. She was so happy yesterday, and even through my exhaustion it made me feel wonderful knowing I was making her happy. I will be ordering her a custom straight jacket soon, as well as full fill her want of a cage for me to sleep in at night. Though the thought of sleeping in a cage does not sound fun, it does however seem fitting and deserving. In a sense I think it shows care, knowing she cherishes her property enough to want to lock it away for the night.
I think tonight I'm going to supply the hypnosis links and share some pictures which relate to the things I've been thinking about. I think I'm going to except feminization, I don't really have a choice...and if it's going to happen then I may as well do what I can to help it along. If I have to have shaved smooth legs I want them to be tan and blemish free, same with my ass, I suppose I think the goal should be from behind you can't tell I'm actually a guy, other than my chastity hanging down. I don't like pictures of hairy sissies, or hair popping out of a thong...gross. If this must happen I want to be the best I can be.

Hypnosis Files:
Listen First: "Night Night Pet Induction"  (enables sub to listen to other files without long hypnotic introductions.
Open Women Hypnosis as the name suggest this file aims for the sub to listen to all women.
Dress to Obey Hypnosis forces sub to become obsessed with wearing Bra's, Panties hose, and panties.
Cum for your Mistress Hypnosis "Face down, ass up, cum for your mistress" Loop.
Chasstity Hypnosis forces you to obsess over womens ass, stare at them, but not get off.
Keyholders binding Hypnosis makes you except your fate in chastity.

I can attest, these work. I've been forced to listen to hours of them. The Chasstity one has really taken a tole on me... along with Dress to obey.

Inspiring.

Mistress showed me this picture and stated it was her new goal

She also has interest in this mask, and will be purchasing a corset next week.

The awakening of Mistress

I.am.exhausted. Reading back over Mobicos tale The Real Feeling of Chastity I understand why he was always saying he was so exhausted. Why he struggled to post on a daily basis, or even a few times a week since he learned to value sleep more than anything. If today was any indication of how my schedules will be in the future, I too am going to learn to value sleep deeply. Today started out as any other, with the exception of Mistress having the day off. I arrived home a little after four from a busy day at the office. She was outside on the phone so there was no greeting her, when she came in she told me I had one hour starting now which was "Debbies time" and then I was hers. I didn't eat lunch so I decided to cook some food and eat, which took up all of my hour. I could tell she was acting different, a little more assertive and confident when she told me to read over a sheet of paper laden with notes she had written. They were some general "house keeping rules" on what she now expects, along with some instructions for the day. She also had another stack she told me not to touch, there were alot of notes and it was clear she had been very busy today. She stated she spent the whole day preparing, researching and making plans for me. She told me to strip and lay down on the bed, she disappeared into the bathroom and told me to stand in the tub. "It's time to make sissy smooth again" applying Veet to my entire legs and ass. She paid much more attention this time and within twenty minutes my leg hair was gone. Rubbing lotion over my newly smooth skin she admired her work and smiled, by the way I was gagged the whole time, she gagged me as soon as my hour was up. Half way through the hair removal process she removed my gag shoved a dildo in my mouth and told me to suck on it while she finished...this was new.
When she was finished she began to dress me in my maid attire, stating how she would be making me a much fluffier more sissy like petticoat for my uniform, she wants my ass exposed the entire time apparently. Instead of a diaper she put on my red ruffled panties, thigh highs and my tall heels completed my uniform, so I thought. "Are you ready to look pretty?" she said, leading me into the bathroom she sat me on the toilet and shaved my face from the days growth. Then came a huge shock...she got out her make up boxes...this can't be happening. For the next twenty minutes she loaded my face up with various eye liners, foundation, mascara, things I had no clue what they were, and finished with bright red lipsticks. "Your going to make a beautiful girl, you look great" she said laughing. I looked in the mirror and was shocked at what I saw...It didn't look like "me". Yet she wasn't done with her art project, she then sat a red long wig atop my head, tucking in my hair. "I look like reba on meth" I said, I got the gag again. Then she led me to the living room, where the next phase of the night began. "It's time for you to take this seriously, no more laughing at my commands, were starting training now, and we will do these commands for weeks, or months, however long it takes you to do them perfect". I suppose she's not kidding. The first command she told me was simple, so I thought..."kneel". I knelt on the ground in front of her and she corrected me. "Knees together, toes pointed back, ass on heels, back straight, neck straight, chin level with ground, fingers together, hands on thighs pointed towards your knees".   Well...damn, this isn't simple. We did "kneel" twenty times. Each time her having me stand up and do it again. Next was "Punishment position" which was "Knees on the ground, shoulder width apart, face on the floor, hands over my head, dress and petticoat pulled up exposing me ass, wait for punishment". Then came "worship" same as kneel except my arms stretched out, face on ground, touching her feet. Then came "Corner" which was me standing in designated corner, nose to the wall, hands behind back, straight as an arrow, feet together. Followed by "Slut" which was the same as punishment position except on the bed, panties down. The spread eagle which meant for me to lay on the bed limbs spread to the corners. "Crawl" was me crawling making sure to shake my ass as hard as I could with each movement forward, more walking instructions....and I was beat. We did each move over and over, she would slap me with her crop for things not being perfect. "You did surprisingly great sissy, good job".
I then served her dinner, sitting on the floor beside her eating my own meal, the break did not last long. She had me clean the bathroom, kitchen and fold a monstrous pile of clean clothes, 3-4 loads. When then ran to the store to pick up a few things, she removed my outfit of course. And lectured me on my ride how the excuses and back talk must stop, which is why I would be gagged when she is home from now on. When we returned I was looking forward to laying down and relaxing for the evening, I did not want to do anything to make her mad since things seemed to be going well. My expectations of relaxation were wrong. She told me it was diaper time, removing my chastity device and diapering me led to the next phase of this oh so long day. Rope bondage, she kept talking about how she was to deploy bondage on a more regular basis, so she practiced various knots on me. We watched some tutorial videos and I helped her start building her rope skills. "It's ten o'clock, we have to lay down now" I thought inside my head. Nope. I was wrong.
Laying in a wet diaper she said it was time to take the diaper off. "But why?" I asked, lesson I need to learn...stop asking questions. Once I was naked she returned from the bathroom with my night mare...the biggest strap on we have hanging between her legs. "No, please, no...not that one" I pleaded. "Your going to learn to love this one, then we'll get a bigger one! It's four times the size of you!" I was scared. She crawled on top of me and began making me suck on the large dildo, gagging me as she laughed.
At that point I wish she had taken anal training more seriously so my hole would be more prepared. Cuffing my ankles to the spreader bar, she began to enter me as I moaned in pain. This dildo is huge, 8 inches long and very thick, She barley got it in and could tell I wasn't ready. She ripped it out and returned wearing the 6 inch long normal dildo. "You like this one, and your going to love the other one soon sissy, your going to love cock in your ass". For the next twenty minutes she fucked me non stop, my waves of exhaustion were inhibiting me from enjoying this. I just wanted it to end. By the end of it I knew I was loose, I could have taken the big one I imagine. She returned and slid the clammy cold wet diaper back under me taping it on and returning my plastic panties over it. "Good job today Sissy, you did good".
I'm not sure what got into her, but it seems she has awakened, and I'm wishing it would't of happened so soon. She told me to give her the list
of other Mistresses in our area tonight so she could find other female dominants. The night was a blur, she did so much to me, I was moving constantly and all I know is my feet are killing me from the heels, my hole is sore, and I do not like make up. At least I'm laying in bed. She keeps mentioning making my night time diapers more absorbent "They leaked out the side while she was changing me this morning before work". I don't know why I keep using my diapers so much. I can't sleep without them. Im actually packing for a business trip and I'm taking one for each night.  Im scared at what tomorrow will bring, but I promise you I'll update daily as long as people continue to comment on my post and follow my blog. It takes alot out of me at the end of a long day to type these long entries, but I want to fill a void and provide a view into the world of FLR, chastity and sissification for those of you longing for a Mistress of your own, and those fortunate enough to relate. Thanks for reading, it means alot.

One tired Sissy,

Good night.

I kind of had sex! And a photo of Mistress...

Apologies for the short post yesterday, but I was frustrated, and suppose in someways I will be until things fall into place for good I suppose. Work today was long again, we're wrapping up alot of projects which means a very stressful intense eight hours...and there's no kink to it! I got home today and tried to enjoy myself since today was one of the days where I got home three hours before she did. I didn't take a nap, and the house was in pretty good order so I put a few things away and got it looking good. Mistress had text me earlier in the day telling me to be in my heels and uniform when she got home, and to properly greet her. She called around eight and I was sitting at my desk working on one of my hobbies; which it seems I never get time to do. She asked if I was in my uniform and I told her no, which led to a five minute chew out from her and how to not even cook dinner since I wouldn't be eating and would be punished for the remainder of the night. I told her to calm down, and that I was simply giving her a hard time and I was in fact in my uniform. She calmed down and got off the phone, and I rushed to put my uniform on. When she finally arrived I greeted her at the door...knelt...kissed her hand (I thought it was her ass, or maybe her foot? Im not sure she only went over it once and that was weeks ago, its no wonder Mobico was so good at his commands...he got practice!) After she got home she came into my office and we had an odd discussion on something which was bugging her; how I always make excuses. In my mind do my excuses matter? Why does she take them into consideration if shes the one in control? I suppose that is why I don't understand why she gets so upset. She actually ended up cooking dinner, she wanted me to finish what I was working on. When dinner was done I went ahead and sat on the floor next to the couch, I suppose she was happy she didn't have to ask. When the Kitchen was clean I went into the bedroom and laid down as instructed.

A picture of Mistress's ass I took last night before bed.

You know the drill; Posture collar and gag locked on, hands chained to the bed spread wide and my hypnosis files began to play. The first file was one which aimed at the listener obsessing and longing to worship the female ass, longing to get off at the thought of serving them, but never able to. I like this file, it really turns me on; while it was playing she blindfolded me and wrapped a scarf around my eyes so I could not see. Removing my chastity device she began playing with me, edging me while she inserted a good size butt plug into me (I was shocked at the size after, I thought it was the smallest plug we had... it wasn't! Guess I'm getting used to being filled). She teased me for thirty minutes as the hypnosis files played on, before she got out her vibrator and filled me with it, her teasing became more intense. I thought she might get the strap on out, and was hoping she would since it's collecting dust. Any way it did not come, and the teasing continued. After an hour of teasing and me squirming against the vibrator, wanting it to go deeper, yet it seemed she didn't get the picture, she decided to change things up.
One thing I will say about Mistress is she likes to learn things the hard way. She knows other dominants put there subs in two condoms and apply numbing cream if they feel in the mood for sex and want to use their slave to obtain it. In her mind two condoms would be enough where I couldn't feel anything...she was wrong, and I was happy. She slid the condoms on me, and I thought she was simply using them to collect my cum since shes begun saving it. Then, heavens gates opened when she slid onto me, my dick was jumping with joy and my body with pleasure "You've missed that so much, its finally happening". "You said we weren't having sex again" I muffled through the large ball gag.... "You have two condoms on and a big cock is vibrating in your ass....this isn't sex" she replied. She rode me slowly for about five minutes, once she got off several times she crawled off and finished me off by hand. All the while the vibrator still buzzing away inside me, she was attempting...ATTEMPTING to give me a ruined orgasm, my guess is due to she has not learned how to milk me with a strap-on, it takes practice...shes not patient. When I got off I finally felt amazing, happy, relieved, and completely out of subspace. She undid my restraints and diapered me promptly, telling me to make her tea for bed. I thanked her for what she did;  "Wait, that felt good? How'd you feel that?" she said. I told her she paid the cost for not using numbing cream, and she should learn what milking is, and how to do it.  Frustrated she got ready for bed, and I laid down for the night. Today was better than yesterday, but I wonder if it's simply because she knew I was frustrated? I know this process takes time, and I'm willing to be patient...but when your making your submissive listen to hypnosis files about worshiping asses, strap-ons, and obeying your every command...exercise the commands of the hypnosis before they loos their mind!  My wetting is increasing significantly, and I'm starting to walk in heels well, sometimes I forget I'm in them. I have this strange want for my uniform to be complete so it doesn't look so ridiculous; like hair, smooth skin, etc... hopefully in time she will complete it, and me. Im ready for more changes, I just want them to come. I know life is going to change drastically, I just wish it would get here.

Debbie.

Frustrated...

Laying in bed as Mistress lays next to me, tried to convince her to update her blog and she just went to sleep. Brings up a little frustration since that was the only thing I asked of her through this process, and for her to be consistent, and to work on her memory through this. I feel like all three things were "tried" today, and even though I know she works long days, its still frustrating for me since the cage is always locked onto me. Im still struggling with the feelings of waiting for the proverbial "tooth to be pulled". I wonder when she will start actually enforcing rules, or remember them all for that matter. Sigh, I feel like I sound like a broken record on here, trust me it's more frustrating for me.
When she got home I cooked a quick dinner and we sat down and watched TV, she tried to get me in my outfit but an almost instant excuse from me was enough for her to give up on the idea. I went to my office and worked on a few things. She finally told me it was time to put my diaper on, she'd been home for almost an hour already, I was waiting to see if she would ever say it. She spanked me for being "rude" what she called rude was me calling her a slacker, which though it might not have been the most appropriate thing to call someone who is "in charge" I thought it was accurate. She diapered me then chained me to the bed and slid on my heels. After an hour of hypnosis files she let me go get ready for bed. I didn't really feel that in tune with the files, I think they only work when I feel submissive, and I only feel submissive when shes consistent and actually enforces all the rules. I find it  redundant when she gets mad at me for not greeting her though, or sitting on the couch, or not walking right (shes forgotten about crawling though) Shes spent maybe thirty minutes one day teaching me how to "walk, crawl, sit, greet"... so how can I really be at fault? Looking back at Mobico's story his wife went over these things for hours at a time, several times a week, for months. Thats how you teach a dog to sit and shake, same thing applies to this I suppose. I apologize for ranting, I'm just frustrated, Im horny, I want some kind of sexual attention...even if its the strap on, which is collecting dust. I was going to post a picture I took of Mistress tonight, but I'm really not in the mood. Hope things change soon.

Heels hurt!

A very long day at work, was made even longer due to my lack of sleep last night. My sleep deprivation was not brought on by any evil doing of Mistress, rather the animals were making alot of noise. Between the symphony of the cat and the annoyance from the dog sleep was not in my forecast. It did not help receiving a text after I left the house telling me to be in my outfit cleaning when I got home, I knew I was going to be exhausted and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. After an eight hour meeting of site I returned to my office around 3:30 in the afternoon. Thankfully my boss walked in and told me to head home, since my whole team had a long day. Im in consulting, I'll leave it at that. When I got home I could not sleep, I just wanted a nap, but sleep would not come. A friend called and asked me to help him out, and tired as I was you can't ignore bestfriends, you'd want them to do the same.

When I returned Mistress had already arrived home, she told me to shower so she could get me dressed, and to not use the toilet. Well...I had to go, so I went ahead and "thought" I got it out of my system. After scrubbing away she walked into the bedroom and told me to lay down. Chastity device came off, after flicking my stuff for a few minutes she handed me a fleet suppository and said "Put it in, go ahead." Once I was diapered she proceeded to put me in my uniform; thigh high fishnets, garter belt, three overly fluffy petticoats, my maids skirt, apron, the new corset like top she got me and finished it with with the 6 inch heels. "You really do look good, by the way". She said with a smirk, she could not stop smiling. I suppose it's a good thing I'm in shape. Im not one of those over weight guys running around in a skirt trying to look dainty, thats simply ridiculous, find a treadmill, ok I'm off my soap box. I proceeded to clean the house while Mistress ran an errand, though she was back surprisingly quick (good thing I behaved). About that time I felt a pain in my lower gut, and with that the diaper became quite full. I also noticed it was very wet, and I didn't recall going, I suppose it's becoming ingrained to just go. While I was cleaning I was also preparing dinner while Mistress did her nails on the couch. "Your getting really good at walking in your heels! Good Job!" she stated. I grumbled under my breath, and continued scrubbing away. I served her dinner and joined her on the couch...odd I thought she's not saying anything, it seems the small things still aren't being enforced unless I tease her how she's forgetting them. Though she hasn't spanked me in a week I thing (something she said would be daily) hasn't broken out the strap on in awhile (something she said would be daily) and hasn't done a whole lot of bondage other than chaining me to the bed (something she said would be daily.) Im sure it will kick in soon. After dinner she told me to go clean the kitchen, after struggling through due to the pain in my feet and the horridness of walking around in your own filth I sat next to her and said it was done. "Lets get you changed for bed"    Dreams do come true!   I was so excited to get a fresh diaper, I didn't care she was putting me in another one, I just wanted this one off. Laying me on the bed she told me to put my ass up and she began taking pictures, then came the change. It's still embarrassing but only when I mess, I think its gross she wants to change me, I know its only to humiliate me. She really needs a changing table, we'd use it like crazy. Once I was freshly diapered she had me do a few more small chores then I broke away and worked on something I wanted to do, which was nice. Sadly though I wet as soon as she put the new one on, and I'm trying really hard not to "go again"...she can tell, and keeps laughing about it. Apparently she's going to start making me another outfit, and purchase more babyish plastic panties, it seems shes begun to embrace "regressing" me when she wanted no part in that at first. Oh well, whats another thing to be subjected to? No files today though! Yay!  I know I said I would post the links tonight, but I must rest, so I apologize, I will tomorrow, I promise. 

Sweet dreams, hoping for a wet one, Im getting horny again....

Debbie

How lucky I am.

In wake of the event's of yesterday, today was rather calm. I woke up with another soaked diaper, wetting during the night looks like it's here to stay, at least I'm not wetting uncontrollably during the day, yet. Mistress had to leave very early to work an event, which is unfortunate given that Sundays are normally fun filled days for her, and very long for me. I do wish she would have woken me though, since she didn't put my chastity device on me b
efore she left; leaving me diapered in bed. I will say I appreciated it greatly since she knows me sleeping in is a rare event, when I woke up I found she had written in dry erase marker a list of task on the bathroom mirror. 1. Tiddy the house before you leave (which I did) 2. Let me know when you will be home (which I did) 3. Great me properly when I arrive home (which I did not do, and she didn't notice, frustrating) 4. As soon as you take your diaper off put your cage on immediately 5. Don't touch yourself, or think about touching yourself, I will know. 6. I love you Debbie, Muah. So sweet, I know. I decided to spend most of the morning in my diaper since I didn't want to put the chastity device on, Im trying to enjoy the short time (so she says) of not being in chastity while diapered since last time it was very painful (but I was in a CB6000 then). The reason I said I wish she would have woke me up was because I hate the emotional tug of war I go through when she "trust me". She should not trust me, I'm a young guy with alot of pent up sexual energy who is barred from getting off.... what could possibly go wrong?! I went ahead and quickly locked the device on, more frustrated than ever since I know I had the opportunity to relieve this pressure building up below. When she finally returned home she was exhausted so I took her to dinner, she's been working on her side job ever since we got home. No training or chores this evening, though I did get a jump start on ironing some work clothes (thats how bored I was).
Ever been to the dentist and been told you have to have a tooth pulled, but they can't fit you in on that day so they set you up for an appointment weeks later? The anticipation and worry you develop knowing this pain is coming is far more worse than the actual pulling of the tooth. What's worse is when the dentist forgets about your appointment! I suppose that's kind of how I feel right now, minus the forgetting. Bless her she's so busy, in a few years once I finish my upper education I can't wait for the day I can come home and tell her to quit her job and say "you never have to work again". She deserves it more than anyone I know. I suppose I say I feel that way due to these waves I've been experiencing...let me explain what I mean.  
I feel she is making alot of head way and progress with me, when she's persistent. But I feel on the habitual stuff I'm suppose to do like greet her, actually dress up, etc...well it truly isn't habitual since it doesn't happen! I know this is because she's so busy. And I know she want's to do it; heres an example that happened while I was typing this: Mistress walking into the bedroom where I'm laying down "I want you to walk in your heels these last thirty minutes before bed". Me "Im already in bed, let me guess your just mad you didn't ask me to do that, or anything when you got home, arent you?" Mistress ".....yes:.  I just know all of these changes are coming, I want them to get here so I get use to them, I mean they are major adjustments!  The more attentive she is with the lifestyle also shows me that she is giving it her best, since from my point of view I'm always having to "give" being in chastity. One thing I think she does not understand is the point when you finally cross over into "sub space". It's when she's done alot of work, punishment, or hypnosis and I'm finally obeying and feeling submissive. Normally when I finally get into that mind set, a day like today comes along and I come out of it completely. I feel more in tune with this process when I'm submissive, but when I break a rule whether it be out of laziness or forgetting, and it goes unpunished... subspace is turned off, and it's not by my own doing. She has a list of points she trys to follow, how Im to behave such as "crawling in the home unless told otherwise, addressing her only as Mistress, Greeting her when shes home, sitting on the floor never on the couch, don't speak unless addressed, and so on". Lets just say over this weekend if she would have spanked me for each infraction, my ass would be bruised and I wouldn't be able to sit down. And I would more than likely be in sub space.  These issues are not for her not wanting this, I think she wants it more than ever now, she's simply busy with life. In time I think things will pick up, I know they will. Just as with any machine, once it gets cranking it won't stop, we are still trying to get it to fire, and I think were closer than ever. I'm not sure what the task or event will be which finally sends this machines into high gear, only time will reveal the answer to that.

I'm still searching for a cage, she want's a heavy duty one (not the normal dog wire ones). I think she wants the comfort of knowing if she locks me in, theres no way I can get out. I would want that too since if there was a way to get out of it and back in without her knowing, I'd more than likely do it. I'm also trying to budget in (Im very tedious with money, for being my age and fresh out of college, I make a fair amount, especially for this shitty economy) buying her the Max Cita strait jacket she wants so bad. I also want to surprise her with an isolation hood she can use during hypnosis sessions, and some leather or latex pants or outfits (she keeps talking about how she wants clothing for this). I should have most of those items within the next few months, I'm just very tedious with investing and saving money. AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO. Though today was nice to lounge around and do nothing, well I did a few things today but mostly for personal gain. She diapered me around ten thirty, and now were laying in bed while she gets on fetlife and works on her blog. All kink and chastity aside, I am one of the luckiest guys I know, Im blessed to call her mine, and for her to call me hers. She has a natural beauty about her which really shines when shes happy or laughing, I love her to death. I wish all guys could find someone who treats them as good as she does mrhhe, she's a selfless person which is why this process is hard for her to adjust to. But trust me...she wants to adjust to it! (no Im not sucking up, because she does not read this blog!) If you haven't checked out her blog please do Mistresses Blog. Tomorrow I will be posting links to the various hypnosis files she uses so you too can benefit from them, and also spelling out which files to listen to first so the triggers make sense.


Goodnight.

Face down...Ass up...Stroke for your Mistress....

Wow, what a long day. In retrospect that's an understatement! It all started waking up next to my beautiful Mistress, and a reminder from her that I need to find a cage to sleep in soon. This pleasant day starter was followed by the realization that I, again, wet my diaper heavily over night with no recollection of doing so. Funny thing was it wasn't simply wet, it was SOAKED. Mistress felt my diaper and smiled "you wet the bed again didn't you?" I said nothing in return. I simply asked for a change and for her to put my chastity device back on which was quickly denied "You can stay in that for awhile, go make me coffee and breakfast and begin cleaning the house".  With a slight pout I headed to start my day, waddling with each step, the plastic pink panties keeping every bit of discomfort locked into place. I know I have said in past post that sometimes I find comfort with my diapers, but when they are squishing with each step and full beyond measure, and they've expanded so much I can't touch my knees together...they are a little uncomfortable. After breakfast I asked for a change again, "You really need to start using your diapers to their full potential, when you make a mess in them I'll think about changing you." All I could think was really....it's now noon and I'm still in my night time diaper. Well about thirty minutes later I did the deed and she changed me, locking my chastity device on I finally felt like I could truly start my day.
"Im going shopping to get you a few things, I'll be back soon, start your chores." And with that she was gone. After finishing my chores I began to work on the back side of our property outside, around three oclock she returned home with many "gifts" as she called them. Three new lace thongs all in crazy vibrant colors, a few "nighties" as she called them for me to sleep in, a new pair of fish net thigh highs, and this strange top she said was going to be added to my maids outfit. I thanked her sarcastically, but before I could walk away she said she got me a few more things and told me to sit down. My fears were brought to reality...heels, not one, but two pairs... She was glowing with pleasure and said it was time to put them on. One pair are 4 inch heels, she said she would use for training and getting me use to going about my day, the second pair were 6 inch heels, I could barley stand up!  "Don't worry, I'm making a locking system to work with your ankle cuffs so you won't be able to take these off".  How lucky am I! Mistress spent much of the after noon on Fetlife talking with a local female dominant her age, I kept working outside.
After returning home from dinner she told me it was time to begin, she put on my stockings and removed my chastity device, leading me into the bathroom where she gagged me, put on my posture collar and wrist cuffs. "This is going to be painful, your going to hate this, it's going to happen every seven days." She started spreading hot wax on my ass...the pain I felt over the next hour was immense, I wanted to cry...I don't know how people have that done, and I'm not looking forward to my legs, chest, and stomach. After the pain settled and she finished she diapered me and told me to assume the position on the bed. I stretched my limbs out as she chained me to the bed, blindfolding me and once again putting my headp

hones on. The posture collar made it impossible to move my head, I couldn't remove the headphones. Slidding my plastic panties on me, the room got still and the files began to play. I hate the files, I feel like it's brain washing because I truly think they are working...as crazy as that sounds. Face down...ass up...stroke for your Mistress....Face down...ass up....stroke for your Mistress....Face down ass up...cum for your Mistress....You need it...you crave it....you want it...I own you..Face down...ass up...stroke for your Mistress....Face down...ass up....stroke for your Mistress....Face down ass up...cum for your Mistress....You need it...you crave it....you want it...I own you..Face down...ass up...stroke for your Mistress....Face down...ass up....stroke for your Mistress....Face down ass up...cum for your Mistress....You need it...you crave it....you want it...I own you...That loop played for the last hour of my time in isolation hypnosis, it about drove me mad! The first file pertained to a new "trigger word" which would put me into a deep relax state instantly, making hypnosis easier "Night Night Pet" is the trigger, and scary thing is that it works. The next file focused on how the only way I receive pleasure is by allowing someone to enter me, and how I will never fill anyone again, and how I crave strap ons and women's lingerie...cruel isn't she? I spent two hours in a trance while these files played. I wanted to cry I was so happy when it was over. Now I'm in my wet diaper, laying in bed.
I think I'm accepting this process, whether it be by my choice or the files playing with my mind, I argue must less, I don't ask question... If I'm told to be quiet I do, If she tells me to crawl, I crawl...Im starting to obey her and I don't even realize it when it happens. I'm starting to want her to take me with her strap on so I feel the pleasure of the other night again, I want to make her happy and proud of my progress, which on paper sounds insane to me. My mind is changing, I wet my diapers instantly without thinking about them when there on, I get a little excited when she puts something in my rear because I know I enjoy the feeling. When she got the heels out and put them on me I admired them, and I'm really excited about become smooth and loosing all my body hair. Those are my thoughts, and my brains still fighting the process. I can't believe I'm saying those things, but the thought of worshipping the ground she walks on fills me with such a since of pride.

Goodnight,

Vittoria's Slave,
Sissy Debbie.

FetLife Account

Hello blog world!

Wanted to let you know I am on FetLife, my screen name is Vittorias_Slave, please feel free to add me!

Fun night last night, will update tonight!

I "wet the bed" and Mistress is happy.

I'm sure I will update these evening with a very long, detailed post on this evening's upcoming events. Though I'm not sure what they are, I wanted to update you on something that happened after my post last night due to the abnormal nature of it. I'm still trying to get my head around it and can't believe it happened. In my last post I stated I was typing in a very wet diaper; which meant the front was soaked. "Ok, so what" your more than likely thinking, I sleep in a wet diaper every night, it's nothing new. Well upon waking up this morning (I slept like a rock last night) I noticed how heavy my diaper was, about four times the weight of normal. As I began to walk around I noticed myself in the mirror...it was flooded, the crotch was soaked and the rear up to my back was soaked (something that happens when your laying down). I looked at the bed and a small spot was wet... There's no way, I began to think... I kept trying to rule it out, then I realized... I wet the "bed" last night. I had no recollection of going that much, I've never gone in my sleep, it really screwed with me.
I told Mistress about it and she simply smiled, she didn't even care that the bed was wet. "I guess I need to wear my panties at night" I asked. She smiled and nodded "This is good! It's what your suppose to do" she proclaimed. Before falling asleep last night she softly said that she could not wait to get me in my kennel at nights, this reinforces it. After the emotions I felt yesterday and the incontinent act I performed during my sleep last night, I can't explain what's happening. This makes me worried, I don't want to be dependent on diapers! Im in my mid twenties!


Debbie

Sex in my new role, and I enjoyed it?

Well, tonight was interesting... but...my balls are no longer aching! I had to attend a funeral this evening, Mistress was forced to stay late at work, which is why she did not go with me. I got home around 8:00pm and we sat down and ate dinner she had prepared. I wouldn't say she' the best cook, but on certain things; she will blow me out of the water. I do most of the cooking now, which is ok seeing as I truly do enjoy it. She's still working on building her memory, this became evident since she didn't say anElena's Hypnosis files, Mistress is a big fan. You get in a trance after Elena takes you under, and her words are the only thing you focus on, it's creepy). The files began to play, it was one I have not heard before which consisted of feminization, humiliation, worshipping strap on's and sucking cocks, and being a good girl for your Mistress. About thirty minutes in I feel the bed move as she climbed on, then my mind was literally fucked. Mistress began inserting the dildo from her strap on into my rear, in and out...in and out...then she attached a vibrator to the end, my body began shaking with the shoots of pleasure coming from an unlikely source. This culminated with the hypnosis file telling me how I need to only use my holes for pleasure, how I need to worship other strap on's or cocks, and embrace the fact I'm now a sissy sent my mind on a whirl wind of emotions. Then she began stroking me; all the while pushing the dildo deeper and turning the vibrator up; this sent me over the edge.
ything when I sat on the couch to eat (she normally makes me sit on the floor and eat). I assumed she simply wasn't in the mood to indulge in activities tonight. After about an hour she told me to strip and be ready for her in the bedroom. "Are you ready for more of your files sissy?!" she asked mockingly, she knows I can't stand them, but more worrisome is the fact that she knows there working. And tonight they would take me on one crazy ride. She left my chastity device on, and began chaining me tight to the bed limbs spread to each corner. "Don't you dare mess yourself since your diapers off" she stated as she began to pull my limbs tighter securing them with the click of a padlock around the leather cuffs. "It would be in your best interest not to talk, one word and the gag goes on for the night, this isn't a game." I decided after the events of last night I should take her seriously. The headphones went on as well as the blind fold, followed by more fabric wrapped around my eyes to ensure no light entered (I suppose she will need a hood soon). The files came on and I began to fall into the depths of my mind (If you've never listened to hypnosis files go check out
My mind kept flashing images of me; dressed as a slut with my Mistress over me taking me with her strap on, images of me with fake breast, make up, a wig dressed to a tea on display in bondage, images of me being put to bed in a cage in the corner of the room, then the realization that I was enjoying the dildo in my rear alot more than I expected, I also realized I had been pushing down so it would go further. These thoughts are shocking kind of, and I don't know what to make of them right now. All I know is in the moment, I wanted more and I thought to myself if this is sex now...your going to enjoy it. She continued to stroke me more and more, after words she told me she was telling me to "let her know when I was about to cum" but she didn't think about the fact I could not hear and could not see what she was saying. I was so lost in the moment, focused on each wave of pleasure coming from multiple places. She kept stroking faster and faster and I kept pushing the dildo mumbling deeper, she pulled out the dildo and inserted her larger vibrator quickly into my hole...after a few deep thrust I couldn't contain myself... the pleasure was simply to great and I cam into the towel in her hand. She left me there, with the vibrator still deep in me for twenty minutes. I was high from the pleasure, I wanted more. The files ended and she removed my battery powered new friend and diapered me very tight. After unchaining me she told I was going to fuck her, I was very confused. Then she strapped the strap on over my diaper and told me to get to it. "You finally get to fuck me with a real dick, are you excited? Your in a diaper, and you've already wet it... how pathetic you are." I climbed on top of her and began to do what she ask, she came very fast. "Get used to this, its the only way your going to fuck me." she said closing in content.  Now I'm sitting here in a very wet diaper which is very comfortable, feeling very relieved that I got off, even if it was by accident. I haven't experienced that much pleasure in along time. The emotions I felt and the pleasure from my ass are still confusing. But I'm not scared to move forward, I trust her, I love her. If I have to be a slave, I'd only want her to own me. She told me that soon my chastity device won't be coming off anymore, that I'd have to get used to sleeping with it on under my diaper. I'm nervous about this, but I understand that it's what must happen. Thanks for reading, and sharing my journey. Changes are happening, who know's where I'll be in a few months.

Debbie

I should have put on my uniform...

I apologize but this will be a short post, I'm exhausted from this evenings activities. Mistress got home around 8:30 and was not in a good mood since I wasn't in my maids uniform as she requested...I'm really wishing I would have put it on. To say she was mad is an understatement, she drug me to the bathroom inserted a suppository, quickly diapered me along with my pink plastic panties. The chained me spread eagle to the bed where I couldn't move. Then came the large gag, ear phones, sound proof head phones next, blind fold and panties on my head. Two hours of isolation hypnosis files followed. My balls are aching, My diaper is beyond full and I don't get changed until morning now. My limbs are sore and ass red.... Lesson learned.

Lowering my resistance, accepting the path.

The house looks amazing. It's simply stunning the difference it makes the home feel when there is no clutter and everything has a place and purpose. If you fight stress sometimes I challenge you to dedicate yourself to one week of extensive cleaning, organizing, and de cluttering. It doesn't matter if you make alot of money and reside in a large hom
e, or earn a more modest living and call an apartment home; everyone deserves to have a place of relaxation. And ours is coming along wonderfully, home I get to enjoy the fruits of my labor every day! When the work day is over I plan on returning to the process, and continuing to push  my self  to defeat my self generated list of extensive cleaning! Mistress text me a few moments ago and told me to be in my outfit when she gets home, I assured her I would be as long as I wasn't working in the garage. I've decided to stop with the excuses, and just let her take control and stop fighting it. I'm sure I'm going to be a p.i.t.a. sometimes, but who wouldn't be?! Despite the fact I have a strong desire to delay this process, I think I have gotten away with all that I can...I have a feeling she is going to explode if keep it up.
We came to several agreements during our talk Sunday, which was a really fun conversation. She was trying to be serious and no matter how mad she is or frustrated I can always make her laugh without saying a word. I used this to my full advantage during our talk, it was nice to have "stupid fun", life is so busy we don't stop and not take anything serious as often as we should. I got out my final concerns, I want her to keep a blog. Why would I be so adamant about something so simple as keeping a blog? Well its the only thing I have asked for out of this entire process, I'm giving up so much, and all I ask is for my Mistress to keep a blog...sounds crazy right? Well in my mind I have a very good reason for this; to keep her consistent, to ensure she's steadily growing, has a place to reflect on her thoughts, and to serve as a reminder of everything going on. The blog will also become a reminder for her (she struggles with remembering things sometimes) and it will serve as a place where she can meet other dominant females. My whole reason for this is the stress I went through during our last attempt at chastity (see my first post), where I was still living the hell of the lifestyle, yet she stopped weeks before she took my device off. This blog will help make sure that doesn't happen. I know she's going to post in it daily, because if she doesn't I get to have vanilla sex with her! (that was her deal, and I know she doesn't want that). She also told me if I came up with one more excuse as to why I wasn't doing something she asked, I would be spending alot of time in isolation and alot of time in front of her friends wearing nothing but a full diaper.  And with as frustrated as she's been with all my excuses, I believe her when she says it...which is a whole new area of worry. I most certainly don't want to spend anytime in isolation...and most certainly don't want to humiliated in front of other females via diapers. I just couldn't imagine the feeling...I think I would literally melt into the floor. I have no clue how Tammy over at All Mine got used to sister Sherry seeing her in, and changing her diapers. I know Sherry is a fan of taking Tammy out in public with the under her clothes (I dread the day that begins).  I miss reading about Tammy's embarrassing public diaper moments, maybe we'll be lucky enough to be blessed with more of those soon. The last thing I wanted to touch on was subliminal messages, I know this sounds odd and scientific, but I think something is happening. An example would be that I truly can't wait for her to purchase a Max Cita straight jacket, I truly want to be locked up in one! And I have no clue why that is! She talked about them for so long and showed me many pictures of women bound in them, that now I'm craving one. I think the diapers have been the same way, I am beginning to associate them with comfort since she lets me take my chastity device off while I'm diapered. Im also associating them with being "calm" and "relaxation" since I'm normally in them at bed time when I'm finally laying down for the day. Basically when it goes on I know my work for the day is done. Though this will be changing soon when I'm put into them when I get home, or 24/7, and the chastity device stays on. Then I know I will associate them with discomfort, which I'm not looking forward to.
Time to get to scrubbing!
I will be updating the blog again tonight following the events of the evening.

Fun, Fears, and one clean house!

This post could not play more perfectly into the previous one. As stated prior this blog will reveal the chronicles of a true FLR, not a fantasy one. This process isn't all bondage, beatings, and petticoats...its a major learning opportunity and challenge. Life gets in the way. period. And some thing's can't be put on the back burner, like a death in the family, which I experienced Friday, or the returning of your best friend from war; which also happened friday. These event's are tiring, as is exhaustion... see my Mistress's Latest blog post for her take on these crazy events. Culminate these trials with the growth and learning of a young dominant who will sometimes let her sub top from the bottom, worry about hurting his feelings, and is concerned about being too mean...this spells for reality, and growing pains. One would think these event's would dampen my spirits, sitting around wearing a chastity device and sporting a diaper...giving up two major functions of any humans life when the lifestyle hasn't been "lived" as much as we'd expected this past week. Well it hasn't, small spurts of frustration but nothing serious, it's time for me to set the stage for success for both of us (both in and out of this kinky relationship). If you've read back you know we recently bought our first home, and we haven't quite got it settled yet. By no means are we living out of boxes, but it seems to get dirty 5 minutes after I clean it (I know you know the feeling, or if you have a maid trained to the T, maybe you don't). Organization, I believe, is the key to happiness. Which is why I'm some what "taking control" one last time, because it's in both of our best interest. This week I'm focusing on one thing, de stressing our home. I've made a list at work today of extensive cleaning and organizing jobs, for each day. And by Friday I swear it will look like Martha Stewart lives here!

Why go through five days of anal retentive cleaning? It will set the stage for her to be relaxed, set the bar for what clean looks like, set standards of how we should live, and give us both a sense of peace when we walk into the home. She deserves it, as do I. Our home should be our castle, her's anyway...I'm going to do whatever it takes to set a perfect platform for her to launch from this weekend. There may not be many strapon's and cages this week, but I can assure you my Diaper will be very full and the house is going to be amazing.  

Well I wrote the first half of this blog this afternoon, and now the night is over. The house is looking amazing, and she agreed this was a good idea to "set the bar" for how she want's me to keep the house daily. Granted the bar is going to be very high, I think I might even enjoy keeping it this clean. I will admit I guess I'm throwing some resistance to this idea, she wanted me to wear my maid's uniform this evening while cleaning and I came up with several reasons why that wouldn't be practical. I suppose I'm worried of getting absorbed, I'm worried about this notion of becoming a "sissy", not being allowed to speak, sleeping in a kennel, and getting taken with a strap-on every night. Though it may seem like this process hasn't moved forward as of late, I can assure you it has. Using diapers has become almost instant, it's hard to describe...but when I have one on I don't even think about going, I just go. I know this was something she wanted, to make me dependent on them...we'll it's working. I can't hold it as long when I'm not in them, and when I am wearing them...I honestly don't mind, in fact I find them pretty comfortable. Which worries me a little...the fact I'm liking my diapers. What also worries me is something I said the other night when she was shaving me again "Please don't give me razor burn, I don't want to look ridiculous, I want it to be nice a smooth."  Um, what did I just say?!   "Can you buy me more                    thongs for the day time, they are so much more comfortable and look better" "Can you finish the top to my maids outfit or buy me a corset, I think it would look better."   Those are just a few of the thing's I've said that I can't believe came out of my mouth.  I truly think it's the wav hypnosis files which can be found at E Succubus. I truly think they are having an impact on me, and I haven't told her yet. It's something about Elaine's voice, it truly takes me to a different place. I just know when the switch clicks into full gear, there will be no looking back. I've been wrestling with various thoughts "what if I miss my girl friend?" "What if she likes me better as a "sissy" and doesn't ever want the old me back?" "What if I truly become dependent on diapers?" "Will I ever get to have sex with her again?" These thoughts have been running through my mind. I just know I need to trust her, and try my best to enjoy this ride.