How lucky I am.

In wake of the event's of yesterday, today was rather calm. I woke up with another soaked diaper, wetting during the night looks like it's here to stay, at least I'm not wetting uncontrollably during the day, yet. Mistress had to leave very early to work an event, which is unfortunate given that Sundays are normally fun filled days for her, and very long for me. I do wish she would have woken me though, since she didn't put my chastity device on me b
efore she left; leaving me diapered in bed. I will say I appreciated it greatly since she knows me sleeping in is a rare event, when I woke up I found she had written in dry erase marker a list of task on the bathroom mirror. 1. Tiddy the house before you leave (which I did) 2. Let me know when you will be home (which I did) 3. Great me properly when I arrive home (which I did not do, and she didn't notice, frustrating) 4. As soon as you take your diaper off put your cage on immediately 5. Don't touch yourself, or think about touching yourself, I will know. 6. I love you Debbie, Muah. So sweet, I know. I decided to spend most of the morning in my diaper since I didn't want to put the chastity device on, Im trying to enjoy the short time (so she says) of not being in chastity while diapered since last time it was very painful (but I was in a CB6000 then). The reason I said I wish she would have woke me up was because I hate the emotional tug of war I go through when she "trust me". She should not trust me, I'm a young guy with alot of pent up sexual energy who is barred from getting off.... what could possibly go wrong?! I went ahead and quickly locked the device on, more frustrated than ever since I know I had the opportunity to relieve this pressure building up below. When she finally returned home she was exhausted so I took her to dinner, she's been working on her side job ever since we got home. No training or chores this evening, though I did get a jump start on ironing some work clothes (thats how bored I was).
Ever been to the dentist and been told you have to have a tooth pulled, but they can't fit you in on that day so they set you up for an appointment weeks later? The anticipation and worry you develop knowing this pain is coming is far more worse than the actual pulling of the tooth. What's worse is when the dentist forgets about your appointment! I suppose that's kind of how I feel right now, minus the forgetting. Bless her she's so busy, in a few years once I finish my upper education I can't wait for the day I can come home and tell her to quit her job and say "you never have to work again". She deserves it more than anyone I know. I suppose I say I feel that way due to these waves I've been experiencing...let me explain what I mean.  
I feel she is making alot of head way and progress with me, when she's persistent. But I feel on the habitual stuff I'm suppose to do like greet her, actually dress up, etc...well it truly isn't habitual since it doesn't happen! I know this is because she's so busy. And I know she want's to do it; heres an example that happened while I was typing this: Mistress walking into the bedroom where I'm laying down "I want you to walk in your heels these last thirty minutes before bed". Me "Im already in bed, let me guess your just mad you didn't ask me to do that, or anything when you got home, arent you?" Mistress ".....yes:.  I just know all of these changes are coming, I want them to get here so I get use to them, I mean they are major adjustments!  The more attentive she is with the lifestyle also shows me that she is giving it her best, since from my point of view I'm always having to "give" being in chastity. One thing I think she does not understand is the point when you finally cross over into "sub space". It's when she's done alot of work, punishment, or hypnosis and I'm finally obeying and feeling submissive. Normally when I finally get into that mind set, a day like today comes along and I come out of it completely. I feel more in tune with this process when I'm submissive, but when I break a rule whether it be out of laziness or forgetting, and it goes unpunished... subspace is turned off, and it's not by my own doing. She has a list of points she trys to follow, how Im to behave such as "crawling in the home unless told otherwise, addressing her only as Mistress, Greeting her when shes home, sitting on the floor never on the couch, don't speak unless addressed, and so on". Lets just say over this weekend if she would have spanked me for each infraction, my ass would be bruised and I wouldn't be able to sit down. And I would more than likely be in sub space.  These issues are not for her not wanting this, I think she wants it more than ever now, she's simply busy with life. In time I think things will pick up, I know they will. Just as with any machine, once it gets cranking it won't stop, we are still trying to get it to fire, and I think were closer than ever. I'm not sure what the task or event will be which finally sends this machines into high gear, only time will reveal the answer to that.

I'm still searching for a cage, she want's a heavy duty one (not the normal dog wire ones). I think she wants the comfort of knowing if she locks me in, theres no way I can get out. I would want that too since if there was a way to get out of it and back in without her knowing, I'd more than likely do it. I'm also trying to budget in (Im very tedious with money, for being my age and fresh out of college, I make a fair amount, especially for this shitty economy) buying her the Max Cita strait jacket she wants so bad. I also want to surprise her with an isolation hood she can use during hypnosis sessions, and some leather or latex pants or outfits (she keeps talking about how she wants clothing for this). I should have most of those items within the next few months, I'm just very tedious with investing and saving money. AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO. Though today was nice to lounge around and do nothing, well I did a few things today but mostly for personal gain. She diapered me around ten thirty, and now were laying in bed while she gets on fetlife and works on her blog. All kink and chastity aside, I am one of the luckiest guys I know, Im blessed to call her mine, and for her to call me hers. She has a natural beauty about her which really shines when shes happy or laughing, I love her to death. I wish all guys could find someone who treats them as good as she does mrhhe, she's a selfless person which is why this process is hard for her to adjust to. But trust me...she wants to adjust to it! (no Im not sucking up, because she does not read this blog!) If you haven't checked out her blog please do Mistresses Blog. Tomorrow I will be posting links to the various hypnosis files she uses so you too can benefit from them, and also spelling out which files to listen to first so the triggers make sense.


Goodnight.