Fun, Fears, and one clean house!

This post could not play more perfectly into the previous one. As stated prior this blog will reveal the chronicles of a true FLR, not a fantasy one. This process isn't all bondage, beatings, and petticoats...its a major learning opportunity and challenge. Life gets in the way. period. And some thing's can't be put on the back burner, like a death in the family, which I experienced Friday, or the returning of your best friend from war; which also happened friday. These event's are tiring, as is exhaustion... see my Mistress's Latest blog post for her take on these crazy events. Culminate these trials with the growth and learning of a young dominant who will sometimes let her sub top from the bottom, worry about hurting his feelings, and is concerned about being too mean...this spells for reality, and growing pains. One would think these event's would dampen my spirits, sitting around wearing a chastity device and sporting a diaper...giving up two major functions of any humans life when the lifestyle hasn't been "lived" as much as we'd expected this past week. Well it hasn't, small spurts of frustration but nothing serious, it's time for me to set the stage for success for both of us (both in and out of this kinky relationship). If you've read back you know we recently bought our first home, and we haven't quite got it settled yet. By no means are we living out of boxes, but it seems to get dirty 5 minutes after I clean it (I know you know the feeling, or if you have a maid trained to the T, maybe you don't). Organization, I believe, is the key to happiness. Which is why I'm some what "taking control" one last time, because it's in both of our best interest. This week I'm focusing on one thing, de stressing our home. I've made a list at work today of extensive cleaning and organizing jobs, for each day. And by Friday I swear it will look like Martha Stewart lives here!

Why go through five days of anal retentive cleaning? It will set the stage for her to be relaxed, set the bar for what clean looks like, set standards of how we should live, and give us both a sense of peace when we walk into the home. She deserves it, as do I. Our home should be our castle, her's anyway...I'm going to do whatever it takes to set a perfect platform for her to launch from this weekend. There may not be many strapon's and cages this week, but I can assure you my Diaper will be very full and the house is going to be amazing.  

Well I wrote the first half of this blog this afternoon, and now the night is over. The house is looking amazing, and she agreed this was a good idea to "set the bar" for how she want's me to keep the house daily. Granted the bar is going to be very high, I think I might even enjoy keeping it this clean. I will admit I guess I'm throwing some resistance to this idea, she wanted me to wear my maid's uniform this evening while cleaning and I came up with several reasons why that wouldn't be practical. I suppose I'm worried of getting absorbed, I'm worried about this notion of becoming a "sissy", not being allowed to speak, sleeping in a kennel, and getting taken with a strap-on every night. Though it may seem like this process hasn't moved forward as of late, I can assure you it has. Using diapers has become almost instant, it's hard to describe...but when I have one on I don't even think about going, I just go. I know this was something she wanted, to make me dependent on them...we'll it's working. I can't hold it as long when I'm not in them, and when I am wearing them...I honestly don't mind, in fact I find them pretty comfortable. Which worries me a little...the fact I'm liking my diapers. What also worries me is something I said the other night when she was shaving me again "Please don't give me razor burn, I don't want to look ridiculous, I want it to be nice a smooth."  Um, what did I just say?!   "Can you buy me more                    thongs for the day time, they are so much more comfortable and look better" "Can you finish the top to my maids outfit or buy me a corset, I think it would look better."   Those are just a few of the thing's I've said that I can't believe came out of my mouth.  I truly think it's the wav hypnosis files which can be found at E Succubus. I truly think they are having an impact on me, and I haven't told her yet. It's something about Elaine's voice, it truly takes me to a different place. I just know when the switch clicks into full gear, there will be no looking back. I've been wrestling with various thoughts "what if I miss my girl friend?" "What if she likes me better as a "sissy" and doesn't ever want the old me back?" "What if I truly become dependent on diapers?" "Will I ever get to have sex with her again?" These thoughts have been running through my mind. I just know I need to trust her, and try my best to enjoy this ride.